WIBTA for Not Allowing My Father-in-Law to Lock Me Out of a Toolbox in My Own Home?
Picture this: The in-laws are coming to town. I know, I know, cue the ominous soundtrack. But seriously, I do love my wife’s parents—even if they have a tendency to be a tad overbearing. So imagine my surprise when I find out my father-in-law (FIL) has decided to gift my house something I can’t touch—a locked toolbox! Oh, the betrayal!
Let me set the stage. My wife’s parents live far away, which is perfect for those obligatory visits that don’t happen too often. My FIL is one of those guys who fancies himself as a handyman. Spoiler alert: He’s not. But who am I to take away his moment of DIY glory, right?
Here’s the catch—he’s often had to deal with the inconvenient reality of my ‘blackhole’ tool-keeping skills. You see, I have what I like to call attentiveness ADHD. I use a screwdriver, it evaporates into the fifth dimension. Put down a vice grip, and Houdini himself couldn’t make it disappear faster. I’m trying to get a handle on it, but let’s just say it’s a work in progress.
Now back to the infamous toolbox. One day, I stumble upon this shiny new toolbox in our basement. Lovely sight, except it’s got a damn combination lock on it. My wife initially claimed it was hers (yeah, okay). Later, the truth came out—it’s my FIL’s grand strategy to keep me out of his sacred toolbox. Oh, he sent it full of second-hand tools ‘just because.’
You can probably imagine my response. A joke here, a snide comment there. But deep down, this thing irks me. I’ve got no issue with promising I won’t use his precious tools. But there is something seriously laughable, downright disrespectful even, about locking me out of a toolbox in my own home!
So, naturally, I brought this up with the in-laws. Predictably, they both told me to ‘get over it.’ Isn’t that just the perfect line? ‘Get over it.’ Just let the patriarch of the family—and by patriarch, I mean my wife’s dad—lock you out of your own basement. No big deal? Ha!
Clearly, my desire to avoid a confrontation (because that’s what civilized folk do, right?) is being tested. But back to my unshakable dilemma: Do I keep my mouth shut and swallow this ridonkulous disrespect? Or stand my ground and say, ‘Sorry, Pops, but this lock’s gotta go’? Because one way or another, this little strongbox needs to find its way out of my house.
Roger’s Sassy Verdict: Why This Lock Drama Is Simply Unacceptable
Alright, dear reader, let’s break it down. Here’s Roger’s take—and grab your popcorn because it’s about to get fun.
House Rule #1: No one—and I mean NO ONE—should have dominion over a house toolset more than you, the rightful homeowner. I don’t care if your tool-using abilities are on par with Captain America’s shield skills or more like a toddler with a spoon. The lock is a no-go.
House Rule #2: Respect is a two-way street. By sending a toolbox with literal lock-and-key conditions without a word of warning, your FIL stepped on some serious homeowner toes. It’s like bringing a gift to a party and telling the host they can’t open it. Who does that?
House Rule #3: Family dynamics are tricky, but confidence is key. Speak up, my friend. Explain that while you appreciate the tools, the idea of locking them up as if you’re a menace is insulting. Propose a compromise—a shared code, direct communication, or simply sending the tools back home. Let them know you’re nobody’s handyman peasant.
In conclusion, buddy—it’s time to lay down the hammer (metaphorically, of course). Your house, your rules. It’s high time the in-laws understood that you’ve got more value than just being a ‘do-it-as-your-wife-says’ kind of guy. Nothing wrong with loving peace, but don’t be a pushover.
So to wrap this up with a little sassy bow: NTA (Not The Asshole), baby. Time to unlock that respect!
Original story
My wife’s parents live far away but often come to visit. My father-in-law is not a handyman but he likes to do small house projects for my wife when he visits.
In the past when he visits, he has gotten frustrated by not being able to find my tools like screwdrivers and vicegrips because they were not put back away properly after I used them. This is a very legitimate complaint as I sometimes get very frustrated by myself as well.
I have a bit of attentiveness ADHD and I often lose tools immediately when I put them down after or even during a project. It’s something I try to work on but it’s a constant struggle for me.
A few weeks back I noticed a new toolbox 🧰 in our basement with a combination lock on it. At first my wife told me it was hers, but later I learned that my FIL had gotten some second-hand tools and sent them to my house so he can work on my wife’s projects.
The lock is there specifically to prevent me from opening the toolbox and using the tools—my wife knows the code (or at least she did at one point, she says that she has forgotten it and I believe her on that point).
There was never any point where anyone explained to me that he was sending tools and/or that he wanted them to kept for his own use on projects. They just all decided to send this toolbox with a lock to keep me out.
I should mention that my wife’s parents really love their daughter more than anything in the world and are of the idea that she should make all the decisions and I should just do whatever she tells me. I don’t really begrudge their view but I think this provides some context here.
My initial response was to joke about it but I am really not comfortable with this. I appreciate his concerns and am comfortable saying that I simply won’t use his tools, even if I can’t find my own.
But having a lock there solely to keep me out of a toolbox in my own home feels very disrespectful. I’ve expressed these feels but both my mother- and father-in-law have told me to get over it, which I think is not an acceptable response.
I am trying to avoid a confrontation and/or bad feelings, or to blow this out of proportion. I don’t want him to feel unwelcome or that his handy work isn’t appreciated.
But I feel that this lock has to go—either it needs to be removed or the whole toolbox has to be shipped back to my father-in-law’s house.
So WIBTA to tell my father-in-law that they can’t keep in my house a toolbox that is locked to specifically keep me out?
EDIT: I just want to clarify/reiterate here: I have no desire or intention to use these tools. I’m certainly willing to commit to him that I won’t use his tools.
I tend to misplace my own things but I can make a promise and keep my word to respect his property by not using the tools.