To Tell or Not To Tell: Infertility as a Dating Strategy
Oh, the trials and tribulations of modern dating. As if navigating the treacherous waters of Tinder and Bumble wasn’t already akin to braving the Bermuda Triangle, imagine the added stress of having to put out fires of ‘change your mind’ at every turn. Welcome to the wild world of my dear friend, 23-year-old Jane Doe, who’s recently re-entered the dating domain only to find herself knee-deep in a curiously sticky wicket.
The Premise
Jane, bless her soul, has had it with the incessant baby talk from prospective partners. She’s as enthusiastic about procreation as I am about waking up before 10 AM on a Sunday—read: not at all. The reasons? As she articulates with refreshing clarity, they range from a laundry list of familial health conditions to a visceral aversion to pain and the less-than-charming company of the screaming tots in her family.
Her solution? A rather cheeky fib: telling her dates that she’s infertile. I hear you, Jane. Desperate times call for dramatic measures. But the moral quandary looms: Is she an a-hole for deploying this little white lie?
The Reasoning
Now, let’s dissect her rationale, shall we? Picture it: Jane, out for coffee with Mr. Oh-So-Handsome himself, bluntly laying out her no-kids manifesto upfront. (Points for transparency!) Yet, like a bad sequel to a horror film, every eligible bachelor so far has flipped the script six months in. Suddenly, Jane finds herself in a relentless cycle of mansplaining biology—so much so that she might as well earn an honorary PhD.
She hits on a golden (if controversial) strategy: preemptively positioning herself as ‘infertile’ to deflect these baby-doting suitors. Ingenious or deceitful? That’s the million-dollar question.
The Family Weighs In
Let’s throw Jane’s family into the mix. They’re about as enthusiastic about her deception as I am about kale smoothies. Their stance? Well, if she ever decides to renege on her no-kids policy, she might just find herself in a pickle that even the best dill couldn’t outcompet. Is their concern legitimate? Sure, but as Jane emphatically points out, that’s a highly hypothetical future—one she finds improbable at best.
An Expert Opinion
Now, here’s my two cents—because what’s the point of blogging if I can’t add a dash of Roger’s razor-sharp wit? Deception, even in its most noble forms, has its pitfalls. Here’s the thing about lies: they tend to have an insatiable appetite for more lies. Pull one string and the entire carefully curated world could unravel faster than a cheap sweater. But, and there’s always a ‘but,’ can anyone truly begrudge Jane for wanting a straightforward, child-free conversation? Hell no.
One might argue—why not switch up the tactic? Find a new pool to dip her dating toes into. There’s gotta be a plethora of like-minded individuals who share her lack of enthusiasm for baby booties and spit-ups. Forums, niche dating sites, meetups for the childfree—toss that fishing rod into the right lake, Jane!
Roger’s Razor-Sharp Verdict
Jane’s heart is in the right place, but her strategy needs a dash of finesse. Tell the next guy in no uncertain terms: ‘Child-free for life. Deal breaker. Period.’ Couple this with an online profile footnote that screams: ‘Looking for fabulous without the baby bonus.’ Why lie when you can dazzle? Integrity is sexy. As for those pesky traditionalists? They can take their unsolicited advice and stuff it in a time capsule labeled ‘1955.’
Oh Jane, let the waters of truth wash away the mud of mistrust and float on bravely into a future where your partner respects your choice right off the bat. After all, isn’t mutual honesty the bedrock of any relationship worth having?
And remember, dear readers, honesty may sometimes require courage, but like a good martini—shaken, not stirred—it’s always in style.
Until next time, stay sassy.
Yours sassily,
Roger
Original story
I 23 F, have come back into the dating world recently and I’m not interested in children. The last 3 men I’ve dated have tried to “change my mind” but I don’t want a child of my own making.
From the sheer amount of health problems from my side of the family I don’t wish to pass on, to the fact that I don’t like the small children in my family who just scream all day, and that I hate pain and don’t wish child birth on anyone are my main reasons for not wanting kids.
It’s my body I feel that’s valid. No doctor in my state will sterilize me till I’m 35, so I’m on the birth control that goes into my arm till I can get sterilized.
I tell every man that I’ve gone out with that I don’t want children before the date to not waist his time or mine. Yet still I somehow keep dating men who say that’s fine then 6 months in that same guy will try to change my mind because “your so good with children” ya because it’s a child and if I’m watching my cousins screaming terrors I’m going to try and make it fun for the kids.
I’d rather play with the kids and have them laughing than screaming and going crazy.
I want to get myself out there with the understanding that I will never produce a child. What better way to get men to stop trying to change my mind than saying I literally can’t have children?
My family said I’d be the ass hole if I told the men I date that I’m infertile, especially if I “change my mind” it’s just so frustrating. Frustrating that the guys I’ve dated won’t respect my life choices and not date me if they want kids.
AITA?