The Roommate That Didn’t Knock: A Comedy of Boundaries, Bikinis, and Banter
Gather around, dear readers, for I, Roger, the master storyteller of human follies, have a spine-tingling tale to share with you. This strange, yet entirely real narrative unfolds in the tumultuous realm of cohabitation, courtesy of one unsuspecting young man on Reddit. Buckle up, because this story is laced with unannounced intrusions, beachwear in the living room, and a splash of relationship drama.
The Roommate Who Doesn’t Knock
Our protagonist, who we’ll call Jim (because, why not?), is a 19-year-old lad sharing an apartment with his long-time friend, let’s name her Sally. Jim and Sally, both at the tender age of 19, plucked up the courage to sign a cohabitation contract—aka a lease agreement—and moved in together about a month ago. Now, Sally and Jim have known each other for an epic 14 years. That’s older than your average dog, ladies and gentlemen. And while Jim has never harbored romantic feelings for Sally, it seems Sally once nurtured a tiny flame for him back in the high school corridors. But I digress.
The Knockless Saga
Here’s where the plot thickens. Since moving in, Sally has developed an aversion to knocking. It’s as if her unique style of entering rooms unannounced is a new sport. Jim, wise beyond his 19 years, has tried to set boundaries. He’s asked, pleaded, and practically begged Sally to knock before busting into his private quarters or their shared bathroom. But Sally, my dear readers, has the memory of a goldfish and the persistence of a Jehovah’s Witness.
In one particularly mortifying episode, Sally barged in on Jim and his 23-year-old girlfriend mid-smooch. Did this trauma induce a change in Sally’s behavior? Not a chance. Instead, she decided to showcase her warped priorities by asking Jim if he was planning to pick up groceries after work. Facepalm, anyone?
Bikini Intrusion
You’d think things couldn’t get any weirder, but hold onto your seat. While Jim and his girlfriend were engaging in the innocent activity of video gaming in the living room, Sally strolled in—wait for it—wearing a bikini. Jim, in an attempt to salvage some decency from the scenario, politely (!) asked her to don some real clothes. Sally’s response? “No. It’s not like you’re attracted to me anyway.”
At this point, our hero snapped. He shifted from Mr. Polite to Mr. Fed-Up-Neighbor, and commanded Sally to change because, shocker, it was disrespectful to both him and his girlfriend. Sally, in true drama queen fashion, muttered something under her breath (I imagine it was something like “You’ll regret this!”), and dramatically slammed her bedroom door.
The Aftermath
So, where does this leave our dear Jim? His girlfriend, understandably put off by this one-woman circus, decided not to visit for a while. Jim’s now stuck in a 9-month lease, forced to coexist with his unrepentant, boundary-challenged roommate.
But wait! There’s a subplot here that deserves our attention. Jim reveals that Sally has a history of self-harm and social awkwardness. She’s got about as many friends as an unpopular cactus at a garden party, and Jim is the sole object of her conversational affections. This revelation complicates things. Jim worries that if he gives Sally the boot, it might have dire consequences on her mental well-being.
Roger’s Witty and Sassy Opinion
Alright, time for Roger to dish out some wisdom. Jim, honey, I completely get it. Setting boundaries with an old friend who’s got the knocking habits of a sneaky cat burglar isn’t easy. But here’s the tea: there’s a difference between being empathetic and being a doormat.
Firstly, Sally needs to understand that “no means no.” Your space is your space, and anyone who disregards that is essentially tossing your respect out the window. You might need to have a heart-to-heart with her—not just any heart-to-heart, mind you—but the kind that involves a cup of strong coffee, a locked door, and eye contact intense enough to melt steel.
And about the bikini incident? Darling, you handled it like a champ. Don’t let anyone gaslight you into thinking you were overreacting. There’s a time and place for beachwear, and spoiler alert: it’s not in the living room during game night.
But here’s a gentle reminder: balance that firmness with compassion. Acknowledge Sally’s mental health struggles, but make it crystal clear that her well-being doesn’t give her carte blanche to trample all over your boundaries.
In the meantime, maybe suggest she takes up something therapeutic—like knitting. It’s hard to barge into someone’s room when you’re untangling yarn.
So, Jim, chin up. Keep being the respectful, clear-headed king you are, and who knows? Maybe Sally will discover the ancient art of knocking—or at least, invest in headphones.
Original story
I (19M) and my roommate (19F) moved in together 1 month ago. I also started dating my girlfriend (23F) 5 months ago.
We have our finances figured out so that we are paying almost equally and we did a 9-month lease on kir apartment. My roommate and I have been friends for 14 years.
I have never had any romantic or sexual feelings for her. I do know she did like me romantically while in between boyfriends I’m highschool.
Anyway, since moving in together she hasn’t knocked when coming into my room or our shared bathroom. I’ve asked he multiple times to knock on a closed door before opening it and the very next time she knocked on my bedroom door and came in immediately after knocking.
One day she came in without knocking and my girlfriend was making out. I yelled at her to leave but instead, she asked me, “If I was picking up groceries after work.
” After that, I was pretty pissed. But the last straw was when my and my girlfriend were in the living room playing a game and my roommate came out wearing a bikini.
At first, I asked her nicely to put on some clothes because we had company over. She said,” No.
It’s not like you are attracted to me anyway.” That’s when I yelled at her to go change because it’s disrespectful to me and especially my girlfriend.
She whispered something under her breath and slammed her bedroom door. My gf said she doesn’t blame me for my roommate’s behavior but she doesn’t want to come over for a while.
So what can I do to fix whatever is happening?
Edit to answer some questions: She and I have signed a 9-month lease so I’m pretty much stuck there till February of next year. Unless there is a way to end the lease early that I’m unaware of but I’m pretty stuck there.
I hate to say it but my roommate is very awkward and doesn’t have a lot of friends except for me. I’m the only person she talks to.
She has been suicidal in the past and cut herself. I worry that she may harm herself if I cut her off completely.
I also have told her in the past and petty much every time we Facetime that I don’t find her attractive. I have told her to her face that she is a horrible person that I would never be with.
I may be a hypocrite for being her friend but whatever. Sue me.
Not only have I given words but also signs of my disgust for her. I never started any conversation we had.
I don’t talk to her, she talks to me and I just listen and judge her. She has made some really bad decisions in life I have told her my feelings about that but she still keeps truckin’.