Hold onto your seats, dear readers, as I recount a tale that’s sure to blow you away—figuratively and almost literally. Straight from the annals of Reddit comes a story so pungent, so hilariously awkward, that it can only be true because, let’s face it, you just can’t make this stuff up. So, let me, Roger, your guide in the realm of the bizarre and the champions of the dating world’s oddities, walk you through a date that went south faster than a bean soup appetizer at a romantic dinner.
Imagine this: Two souls, previously wandering in the vast digital sea, finally find a speck of connection in the murky waters of online dating. They talked, they clicked, and alas, they agreed to meet, setting the stage for what could’ve been a storybook romance. Our protagonist, a gal with simple dislikes—dishonesty, feet (ugh, feet), and bathroom talk, embarks on this journey with an open heart and an unsuspecting nose.
The date was going well, or so it seemed. Drinks flowed, appetizers were devoured, and then came the bean soup. The harbinger of doom, slurped with an innocence that would soon be shattered by a sound so vile, it could only be described as…the fart.
Now, dear readers, we’ve all been there. A slip, a toot, a gastrointestinal betrayal at the least opportune moment. However, what separates the mortals from the gods in these moments is the grace with which one handles their air-borne faux pas. Did our hero own up to his body’s acoustic announcement? Did he apologize, chuckle it off, and allow the date to waft back to the pleasant evening it began as?
Alas, no. Instead, he chose denial. A loud, flailing denial accompanied by the absurd accusation of a sentient, farting chair. This man, in a crowded restaurant, embarked on a five-minute quest to exonerate himself via chair scoots, each scoot a damning testament to his inability to just let it go (pun intended).
The protagonist, faced with this unrelenting display of gaslighting (again, pun intended), does what any self-respecting person would do in the face of such overwhelming odds—she leaves.
But wait, there’s more. The aftermath of this gastrointestinal gaffe was not met with reflection or embarrassment on the gentleman’s part, but rather, a barrage of voicemails decrying our gal as dramatic and her pet peeves as ridiculous. A sentiment echoed in a Reddit post, discovered by our protagonist only after the flatulent fiasco.
So, here comes Roger’s Hot Take: Walking out was not just justified, it was the only response. In the grand scheme of things, a date can recover from a fart. What it can’t recover from is a refusal to acknowledge reality, a denial so vehement, it turns heads for all the wrong reasons. In a world where honesty is valued above all, why start with a lie? Especially one that stinks.
The lesson here, my dear readers, is simple: Own your farts, own your actions, and for the love of all that is holy, leave the poor chairs out of it. This isn’t just about a noisy expulsion of gas; it’s about integrity, authenticity, and the courage to face the music, no matter how off-key it may sound.
To our gal who walked away, I say bravo. To the man with the mischievous chair, I say, better luck next time—and maybe skip the bean soup.
Until our next dive into the deep end of the dating pool, remember, love may be blind, but it certainly has a sense of smell. Keep it real, keep it honest, and for goodness’ sake, keep it classy.
Roger out.
Original story
This is the other side of the story because my date posted his version here about a month ago and I just found out.
This guy and I hit it off and after a few weeks of talking, I agreed to go on a date with him. He was very funny, intelligent, and cute- to name just a few.
As we were getting to know one another, we discussed things that we love, hate, and annoyances from a relationship standpoint. None of them from either of us were crazy.
Some of mine were; I won’t tolerate dishonesty, I don’t like feet, and I don’t like bathroom talk.
Fast forward to our date: Everything is going well. We get our drinks & appetizers. He got some kind of bean soup as an app. He was slurping it out of the bowl- didn’t really bother me, it was just noticeable. Dinner comes out and he lets out the loudest, rank fart that I’ve ever had the displeasure of witnessing (I work in healthcare.)
Honestly, he looked so embarrassed, I was going to ignore it and continue with dinner. That is until he practically yelled out “I didn’t fart! It was the chair! The chair farted. Not me. I promise I didn’t fart.”
So I said it’s okay, just please stop saying that and lower your voice.
Y’all, I kid you not. This man starts scooting around on the chair and telling me he’ll prove to me he didn’t fart and just listen for the chair.
This went on for a solid 5 minutes with people staring at us. I was so embarrassed and he would not let it go. I finally just got up and left.
He left me several voicemails afterwards telling me how dramatic I was for leaving over a squeaky chair and how ridiculous my pet peeves were. I never responded to him and then I found out about his Reddit post.
Can y’all blame a gal for walking out?