Oh, honey, buckle up because today we’re diving into a family drama juicier than the Thanksgiving turkey at Aunt Mildred’s—sans the tryptophan-induced nap afterward. This is a tasty morsel straight from the heart of Reddit, where real people spill their guts, hoping the Internet will deliver them from their social predicaments. And who am I to deny myself the pleasure of slicing into this delicious dilemma? It’s me, Roger, your go-to guy for all things controversial, sassy, and, occasionally, enlightening. This is a real Reddit story from a real person, and boy, do we have a hot take brewing for you. So let’s not dilly-dally; on to the meat of the matter!
Imagine the scene: a 28-year-old man, let’s call him Dave, has been the dutiful son, moving back into the family homestead to take care of his ailing mother after his father’s untimely departure from this world. Dave’s life is already a merry-go-round of doctor visits, grocery runs, and the never-ending dance with the mop and bucket. Life is not easy, but it’s manageable. Enter stage left: his sister, let’s nickname her Becky, freshly separated from her husband and with two kiddos in tow, looking for sanctuary in the already strained household. The plot thickens, doesn’t it?
Mom, ever the matriarch, thinks it’s a splendid idea for Becky to move back in. After all, more the merrier, right? Oh, but our hero Dave begs to differ, my dear readers. He’s juggling more balls than a circus clown and the thought of adding a crying baby and a toddler with a penchant for chaos into the mix? That’s a hard no from him. But oh, the guilt, the familial obligation, the tug at those heartstrings! It’s a Greek tragedy unfolding in suburbia.
Becky and Mom are painting lovely pictures of shared responsibilities and rosy sunsets, but Dave smells the BS from miles away. His sister, struggling to find a job and with her hands full with child-rearing, moving in would inevitably mean her burdens become his. And let’s not forget, Dave is no slouch; he’s a pathology resident with a workload that would make lesser men weep. His life is a Jenga tower of responsibilities, and his mother and sister seem all too prepared to pull out the crucial pieces.
Now, would you blame our dear Dave for contemplating a mic-drop moment of declaring an ultimatum? If sister dearest moves in, he moves out. Gasp! The audacity, the drama, the sheer cliffhanger of it all!
**Roger’s Hot Take**:
Listen, sweethearts, family is messy, complicated, and absolutely impossible to navigate without stepping on a few Legos—both literally and metaphorically in this case. While Dave’s feelings of resentment are as valid as any Netflix subscription, the essence of this conundrum isn’t about who’s right or who’s the a-hole. It’s about boundaries, and babe, Dave’s boundaries are being treated like the suggestions at the bottom of a Reddit post—ignored.
But here’s the twist, my fabulous readers: setting boundaries doesn’t make you the villain of the piece—it makes you human. Dave is not the family’s Atlas, and expecting him to carry the world on his shoulders is as unrealistic as my chances of getting a six-pack by tomorrow. Compassion? Absolutely. Sacrifice? Sure, to a point. But not at the expense of his sanity or career.
So, dear Becky and Mom, it’s time to brainstorm another solution, because this family’s foundation is cracking under the weight of unspoken expectations and silent pleas for help. And Dave? Sweetie, stick to your guns. Your well-being isn’t up for negotiation.
Until next time, keep your tea hot and your takes hotter. Roger out.
Original story
I’m gonna try to keep it short, I only wanna focus on the relevant aspects. About a year ago my mother suffered a health crisis and as a result I (28M) moved back in with her in order to take care of her. She still has some independence, but I drive her to and from doctors, go shopping for her, help with cleaning, etc. She can wash herself, walk around the house, etc, but not much more than that. My father died a few years back and up until I moved back in she has been living on her own.
Very recently my sister (30F) and her husband (30M) have separated on bad terms. Don’t want to go into details, but it’s a fairly hostile situation. My sister has two children 1M and 4M and as a result hasn’t worked in quite some time. Now she is in the process of trying to find a job, but with the children that is difficult.
Because of this my mother suggested that she should move back in so she could look after the children. I am strongly against this. I feel for my sister, but my mother can’t even really look after herself anymore, let alone provide childcare for two young children. If she moved in her children would definitely become my responsibility (even though they both deny that) and I can’t and don’t want to add that to my plate.
My sister and mother also argued that my she could help with taking care of my mom, but honestly she wouldn’t be much help and it certainly wouldn’t make up for the added burden of having an infant and a small child in the home. The house is big enough in terms of rooms for her to move in without a problem, but the fact that all the care-taking duties would inevitably fall onto me is what’s making me want to put my foot down.
I feel like a complete asshole, but I’ve considered telling my mother that if my sister moves in I will move out.
I’m getting a lot of repeat questions so I’ve decided to answer them here because I realise my responses will get lost in the comments:
Yes I work full-time. I am a pathology resident. I pay for my own expenses and most of my mothers as well. I do not pay rent, because my mother owns the house, but I do pay for electricity, water, heating, groceries, gas, and any out of pocket expenses at the doctors. My mom has a small monthly pension that isn’t able to cover her costs anymore due to the increase in medical costs (and inflation isn’t exactly helping either.)
The reason why I don’t think my sister will be able to look after her own kids or help with our mom is because the whole point of her moving in is so that she can get help with childcare and get a job. If she were able to work and provide for her kids on her own she wouldn’t need to be moving in, in the first place.
My sister is not escaping an abusive relationship. I said hostile to indicate that they were on bad terms and not speaking to each other, but she wasn’t being abused and she isn’t fleeing from him. If she were that would be a totally different situation. She currently lives alone with her kids in their apartment (co-owned by her and her husband) and he is paying for the utility costs as of right now.