Hello, darlings, it’s Roger here from HotTakes, diving headfirst into a real Reddit story that’s as juicy as an overripe peach on a summer’s day. Now, grab your popcorn (or wine, I don’t judge) because this tale involves a classic marital dispute with a modern twist, and trust me, you’ll want to see how this pans out.
Once upon a time, a 30-year-old knight in shining armor and his 29-year-old queen agreed upon a fairytale division of labor. He would slay dragons (a.k.a. work 8-6), and she would rule the castle (a.k.a. be a fabulous housewife). No kids on the horizon meant late mornings and leisurely days for our queen, while our gallant knight ventured out to bring home the bacon. Fast forward, and lo and behold, a tiny squire joins their ranks. Suddenly, life is less about ‘Netflix and chill’ and more about ‘feed, clean, repeat.’
Our knight, ever so understanding, extends his valiant efforts from battling corporate beasts to taming the wild first floor of their humble abode. Despite his heroic deeds, he returns daily to a castle filled with groans and sighs of discontent. The queen, overwhelmed by her newly appointed duties, finds herself in constant battle with the clock and her patience.
One fateful day, amidst cries from the crib and clanging of dishes, our knight inquires, “Why doth thou struggle with thy responsibilities?” An eruption of pent-up frustration leads to the ultimate question: Is he the villain for asking his queen to uphold her end of the pre-baby pact?
Before we unveil Roger’s Hot Take™, let’s dissect the beast of a situation. Transitioning from DINK (Double Income, No Kids) to a single-income household with a bundle of joy isn’t just a plot twist; it’s an entirely new storyline. It seems our knight failed to recognize that while he’s been out jousting, the game at home changed entirely. The fairytale agreement forged in a child-free world is now under siege by a pint-sized usurper known as ‘reality.’
Now, for the moment you’ve been sipping your tea (or wine) for: Roger’s Hot Take™. My dears, life before and after baby is as different as chalk and cheese, day and night, Britney pre and post-conservatorship. Yes, agreements are vital; they’re the very foundation of a partnership. However, expecting the same level of performance post-baby as pre-baby is like expecting to fit into your high school jeans after a decade of adulting. Can it happen? Perhaps. Will it happen without adjustments, understanding, and a bit of struggle? Absolutely not.
In the bold, unapologetic world of Roger’s HotTakes, our knight is not a villain, but he’s certainly no hero in this tale. It’s one thing to divide duties but another to adapt them to the crescendos and decrescendos of life’s symphony. The real heroes? Those who listen, adapt, and conquer—together.
So, dear readers, before you charge into battle over pre-baby pacts, remember: flexibility, compassion, and a good dose of humor are your best allies. And always, always communicate before the dragon gets too big for your castle. Now, go forth and be fabulous, and remember, Roger has spoken.
Original story
A little about me: I am 30, and my wife is 29. Before we got married (we knew each other for three years), we decided I would be the sole earner, responsible for finances and taxes, while she would be a housewife, taking care of the kids and household duties. We agreed she would never work, and I wouldn’t ask her to either.
In the first two years of our marriage, we didn’t have kids. I worked from 8 am-6 pm. Sometimes she’d wake up and make me breakfast, sometimes she wouldn’t. I didn’t mind because we were early in our marriage. On days she made breakfast, she would also pack me lunch. On days she didn’t wake up early, I would eat both breakfast and lunch at work. She would wake up around 12-2 pm, do household chores, and wait for me to come home. We would have dinner together and spend time going out for movies, dinners, or visiting friends, at least twice a week.
This year, we had a baby. I took one month of leave to help her, which is the maximum my job allows. State leave was an option, because the subsidized pay wouldn’t cover our bills. After my leave, her parents stayed with us for two months, helping with the baby. I supported all the household bills during this time. After they left, our baby was three months old, and this is when issues began. My wife was used to her previous routine of waking up late and now found it difficult to manage caring for the baby and household chores.
I offered to help by cleaning the first floor of our house and putting our baby to bed several times a week, despite working from 8 am to 6 pm, handling all immigration paperwork, taxes, bills, and grocery shopping (since she doesn’t drive). However, every day I come home, she seems angry or upset, often taking it out on me. Sometimes it’s about the baby, sometimes it’s about me not helping enough around the house.
Today, we had an argument where I asked why she was consistently struggling with her responsibilities. I acknowledged that she had an easier life in the first two years of our marriage because she didn’t work, but reminded her that we had planned for this baby and understood it would require more work. We had agreed she would be the primary caretaker and housewife, but now, she would not stop complaining and we can’t stop having fights.
Am I the asshole for asking her to fulfill her share of the household responsibilities?