Ah, love! That sweet intoxication that has poets waxing lyrical and the rest of us swiping right in the hopes of finding ‘The One.’ But what happens when forever starts feeling less like a cozy duvet and more like a straightjacket? Roger here, bringing you another juicy slice of life from the hallowed halls of Reddit. And today, my darlings, we’ve got a real doozy that’s got me spilling the tea with the fervor of a daytime TV drama queen. So, buckle up as we dive into a tale of love, marriage, and the D-word — divorce. Yes, you read that right! This is a real story coming straight from the heart of someone who’s been in the marital trenches for over 15 sweet and sour years.
Imagine, if you will, the scene. Two lovebirds, bound together in the flush of youth, with dreams of defying the odds. Our Reddit friend, let’s call them ‘Hopeful Yet Hesitant,’ shares a history stained with the ink of divorce papers — not their own, mind you, but those littering their family tree. Nineteen grandparents, my dears! If that doesn’t scream ‘I’ve seen some things,’ I don’t know what does. As a child of thrice-divorced parents, Hopeful Yet Hesitant vowed to tread the marital path with more caution. Ah, to be young and optimistic!
Seven years of unwedded bliss followed by a plunge into matrimony in 2016, and bam! The D-word starts rearing its ugly head like an unwelcome guest at a dinner party. Not once, not twice, but six whole times it’s been brandished like a weapon in the heat of argument. Each mention a slash through the fabric of their bond, leaving scars that don’t quite heal. Hopeful Yet Hesitant approached their partner, asking for the threats to cease if not meant in earnest, for every faux suggestion of divorce was a step towards an unwanted freedom. Yet, here we are, two weeks post-latest-threat, and our friend finds themselves alarmingly prepared to embrace the end.
But this isn’t just a tale of marital woe; it’s a journey of self-discovery. Hopeful Yet Hesitant fears the unknown shores of single life, having never truly sailed them. And isn’t that the crux of it all? The fear that paralyzes, the dread of loneliness that clings like a shadow. Yet, amidst this storm, a beacon of hope — an unsolicited article from a mother who’s unwittingly addressing the heart of the matter, reminding us that perfection is a myth and self-reflection a must.
So, what’s Roger’s Hot Take on this matrimonial melodrama? Gather ’round, my lovelies, for here it comes: Marriage is not a fortress against the trials of life, but a garden that needs tending. Yes, divorce is a daunting specter, especially when it feels like a family heirloom. But remember, darlings, staying in a relationship that repeatedly tests your limits with threats of ending is like wearing a pair of glittery high heels that hurt — fabulous but ultimately damaging.
Fear of the unknown is a powerful thing, but so is the strength within you to face it. Whether Hopeful Yet Hesitant decides to stay or go, the journey to self-recovery and happiness outside the shadow of divorce is one worth taking. Marriage, my dears, should be a dance — sometimes challenging, always rewarding, and never one that leaves you prepared to flee at the mention of its end.
In the end, the decision lies with you. But remember, a partnership thrives on love, respect, and the mutual willingness to work through the hard times. If the D-word becomes a weapon rather than a last resort, it might be time to ask yourself — are you in a marriage or a standoff? Here’s to finding love that lifts you, challenges you, and never asks you to prepare for its end. Until next time, keep your hearts bold and your conversations honest. Roger, over and out!
Original story
This year is our 16th year together. We’re both mid-30’s.
I have so much divorce in my family that I have 19 grandparents. My mom has been divorced 3 times alone.
When we got together we both mutually agreed that divorce was not something to do lightly. That it’s not something to casually consider (barring extreme events of course).
I knew, having grown up a kid of divorce, that this isn’t reality but it had me hopeful. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that love does not equal security.
We were together 7 years before getting married (we both wanted to completely finish our schooling before committing legally, but since I was 18 we’ve basically considered ourselves married). We have an extremely loyal and committed relationship.
After our marriage in 2016, he has brought up divorce in arguments all of 6 times. I had a talk with him about it and to please not bring that up as a threat unless he was completely serious, because every time he does I mentally prepare myself to pull away and part of that doesn’t come back.
So two weeks ago he does it again. And instead of freaking out, I was ready to accept it and move on. That scared me most, how ready I was to just say okay fine, I’m done.
We have a really sweet and loving relationship when it’s going well. But every time he says that I flood my mind with all the reasons it might be good for me to leave, and it’s seriously damaging to our relationship. I really am ready to just accept it next time he says that. I don’t like that.
So, if you’ve had this long of a relationship and left, what was life like for you after? Did you ever recover? Were you happier or did you regret it?
Important detail: I haven’t been single for more than a week since I was in 8th grade. Single life is frankly very scary to me.
*edit:
This is kind of blowing up more than I expected so at this point, I may not read all the responses. Thank you all for your feedback and have a wonderful discussion.
**Update:
My mom is not on reddit and has no idea I posted this. She sent me this article out of the blue this morning, prefacing that not everyone will understand but she knows I would and wanted to share.
From the article:
“God doesn’t promise perfect relationships, and we should be asking the Lord to search our hearts, to identify the planks in our own eyes (Matt. 7:5). We need to be honest about “any offensive way” within instead of assuming ourselves to be the victim (Ps. 139:23–24).”
And
“My therapist often reminds me that “it takes two to tango”; she confronts me thoughtfully and straightforwardly about how I might be misrepresenting someone else.”