Housework Hustle: Why Sharing Bills Doesn’t Mean Sharing Chores Equally
Alright, gather around all you domestic divas and divos, because today we’re diving deep into the sticky situation of household chores versus the ever-dreaded bill-paying balance. This tale of domestic woe comes straight from the heartfelt cries of a Reddit user, and yes, it’s as real and raw as it gets.
The Setup: Love, Deployment, and Dust Bunnies
Our protagonist? Let’s call her
Original story
Tl:dr – should my partner do more than half the housework if he is able to pay half the bills without working while I work two jobs to try to make enough for me to be able to afford the house he wants?
My partner and I met when he was active duty military. I was in a very bad spot financially/living situation but he had to deploy for 6 months overseas and it gave me enough time to get my life together as I was super into him.
At the time I was paying all of my bills on time but had minimal funds left over (less than $100 for groceries, meds, etc) and was still managing to send him care packages. I knew he was in a really depressing environment so if it meant spending my last $20 to send him something to brighten his day I felt like it was worth it.
In the six months he was deployed I worked non stop to get my shit together. I got lucky and was able to snag a house though it’s about the size of a two bedroom apartment and the carpet stunk like cigarettes.
I worked overtime at my job to get extra money and then was coming home after that and installing laminate. I didn’t have any furniture but was able to make friends with an employee at the at home store and somehow was able to swing getting furniture that she would discount for me in the house so he could be comfortable when he visited.
He medically retired after his deployment though it took much longer than usual because of Covid. It took two years from when we met for him to finally move to where I live and move in with me.
The first year has definitely been an adjustment and we have had our arguments but overall I feel Iike things have gone okay and I love him to death.
I know he wants to live in a bigger house and in order for me to afford half of the mortgage for a house the size he wants I really need a higher paying job. I’m a dog groomer and for the past year I’ve been getting a tiny salon installed on my property so I can get 100% of the services I provide vs 50% that most shops offer.
It’s taken longer than I thought mainly because financially paying for every aspect of the building has been really difficult. He expressed that he was upset with how long it was taking so in order to speed things up I work at my job 4 days a week and often do haircuts from my house on my days off.
I am exhausted. The physical labor of grooming is much more than most people realize and by the time I get home my body and mind are just done.
My partner was able to get a 100% rating from the VA so he gets a pretty decent amount of funds every month from them. To be clear I know deployment has taken a toll on his body however we do physical activities often and he is able to do so without any pain.
He was in school full time but now that it’s the summer he’s off from school and not working. The amount he gets from the VA is enough to cover half of the bills and so he spends his day playing video games or watching Netflix.
It’s frustrating to me to be working non stop and come home to a lot of housework that needs done. I get up around 6am to do my share of housework and usually get home by 7:30pm.
Don’t get me wrong he does housework but he strongly feels like if he is paying half of the bills he should not have to do any more than half of the housework. He feels like I chose the career path that I did and he worked hard to set up his life so that he didn’t have to work.
While I do understand I can’t help but feeling like we aren’t a team and I know if I saw him utterly exhausted I would want to pick up some slack so he could be comfortable as well. I don’t feel like he owes me for sacrificing so much for him in the beginning of our relationship but I can’t help but feel like if our roles were reversed he wouldn’t do for me what I did for him.
So Reddit am I wrong for wanting him to do more of the housework or should our workloads be more equal despite him paying half the bills?