Well, butter my biscuit and call me Sally, have I stumbled upon a Reddit tale spun with the kind of moral fiber that would make even Aesop scratch his head! Listen up, dear reader, for this is a real story from a real person posted on the vast halls of Reddit, and it’s about to get Roger’s *Hot Take* treatment.
Imagine this: you, fresh from the battlefields of life’s most unpleasant surprises (divorce, single parenthood, and the gauntlet of higher education), find refuge in the familiar yet increasingly unfamiliar home of your disabled mother. This isn’t just any story. No, it’s a saga of obligation, independence, and the inescapable shadow of guilt that trails closely behind the noblest of decisions.
Our protagonist, a 27-year-old occupational therapy assistant and full-time warrior, finds themselves ensnared in the unforeseen role of caregiver to their 65-year-old mother afflicted with spinal stenosis. A condition not for the faint of heart, rendering the fearless matriarch partially paralyzed and in dire need of assistance. What begins as a temporary sanctuary soon morphs into an interminable cycle of caregiving, self-sacrifice, and despair.
Now, dear reader, bear witness to the Herculean effort our hero exhibits, not only nurturing their own fledgling post-divorce life and the innocent soul of a 5-year-old but also the relentless demands of caregiving. With the sagacity of Solomon, our protagonist gives a six-month notice of departure, armed with options aplenty for their mother’s continued care. Yet, the looming shadow of guilt prowls, as the departure date approaches and no plans have been cemented.
Ah, but here’s where it gets as spicy as a jalapeño on a summer’s day in Texas. The mother, still entrenched in her work-from-home duties, rejects the idea of paying for professional care, opting instead for a haphazard solution as efficient as a chocolate teapot. Our protagonist, torn between duty and the pursuit of independence, decides to move on, offering a lifeline of limited support in their wake.
So, dust off your gavels and don your wigs, for it’s time for Roger’s *Hot Take*. Are we witnessing a cold act of abandonment, or is it a well-deserved pursuit of self-preservation? I daresay, dear reader, our protagonist is as much of an antagonist in this story as I am a ballet dancer in Swan Lake (spoiler: I’m not).
Guilt is a cruel mistress, and responsibility its relentless whip. Yet, in the grand tapestry of life, one must secure their own mask before assisting others. Our hero, beset on all sides by the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, has done more than their fair share. Communication was clear, ample notice was given, and support continues albeit in a reduced capacity.
To those wagging fingers and tut-tutting tongues, I pose: what more could be reasonably expected without the total sacrifice of one’s own well-being and future? In the end, we all must navigate the murky waters of family, duty, and autonomy. Sometimes, that means setting sail towards uncharted territories, even if we do so with a heavy heart.
In the ledger of life, the balance between selfishness and selflessness is as delicate as a spider’s web on a windy day. Caregiving, a noble act of love and sacrifice, must not become an anchor that drowns one’s own life in the depths of resentment and lost opportunities.
So, as you dwell upon this tale of caregiver’s woe, ask yourself: in the pursuit of helping others, must we sacrifice all at the altar of duty? Or is there a middle ground where love, responsibility, and independence can coexist?
My verdict: Not the asshole. Sometimes, dear reader, the hardest decisions are the ones that ultimately steer us towards our own much-needed liberation.
Go forth, ponder this tale, and may you find the balance that eludes so many. Until next time, this has been another Roger’s *Hot Take*.
Original story
TLDR: I moved in with my disabled mom(65) to get back on my feet after a divorce and caring for my 5 year old and finishing school. Her disability has increased greatly and she can’t care for herself. She is still working. I told her 6 months before I would move and provided her with a lot of information to help her. Now I’m moving in 2 weeks, nothing is set up, and she’s scrambling to figure out what to do. I’m going to move regardless but I’m worried about her and feel guilty. IATA?
I (27) work at a skilled nursing facility as an occupational therapy assistant, have a 5 year old girl, and have been caregiving for my mom (65) after moving in 2 years ago after a nasty divorce left me broke and I was finishing college. My mom has spinal stenosis, which is essentially causing her to be slowly paralyzed from about the middle back down. When I moved in, she was still able to walk to the bathroom but used a wheelchair when going further. I didn’t really agree to become her caregiver but ended up do more and more because she suddenly started to decline.
By the time I was in my last year of college I was spending around 6 hours throughout the day helping her transfer to and from the toilet(2 times at night), helping her get dressed, caring for her reoccurring wounds, taking her to appointments, as well as taking on all the house work as she now can’t do much more than take a single step. Because I wasn’t able to pay rent I did all this even when my mental health started to take a massive hit. At that point, I made it clear that she should start looking for a caregiver because I planned on moving after working for a few months.
After I graduated and began looking for a job I started bringing up finding a different caregiver more often and even took the time to provide information from caregiver agencies, home share programs, senior center discounts, helped her sign up for Medicare, and find a lawyer that specialized in financial and estate planning to prepare for qualifying for Medicaid without loosing the house or her savings. She still works(work from home, computer work).
After getting a job I told her outright that I would be moving in June and she needed to move forwards with one of the options. I even offered to help pay for care and meet any caregivers so I could show and explain to them how she wanted things done. She kept brushing it off every time. I told her I was going to at least have a meeting with an agency that was lower cost but when they got here she told them she didn’t want to pay their rate ($38 per hour).
I’m moving in 2 weeks. Nothing has been set up. Her current plan is to find a nursing school student and offer them $30 and hour to drop by whenever she calls them since she doesn’t want them around while she works in case they make noise while she’s on a call.
So, I’m going to move no matter what. I am going to help her for 2 hours after work 3 days a week and help her shower every weekend but she’s going to be on her own for the most part. IATA?