Oh honey, buckle up because you’re about to dive headfirst into a real-life telenovela complete with dramatic pauses and all. Today’s episode is based on a juicy Reddit post coming straight from a real-life protagonist, who’s seeking judgment on whether she is the villain in this family saga.
Our charming narrator is a fabulous 33-year-old woman who’s living life with light lilac purple hair. Let’s call her Lilac Queen. She’s got a younger sister, Wedding Princess, who’s all set to tie the knot. Queue confetti and alarm bells because the drama is about to unfold.
Lilac Queen’s Dream Hair
If you’ve ever had a hair color that makes you want to toss your mane like a L’Oréal commercial, you’ll get why Lilac Queen isn’t keen on morphing her luscious purple strands into a drab brown. This isn’t just any hair color; it’s her dream color, her crowning glory, and basically her unicorn identity.
Alas, Wedding Princess has other plans. She wants everything to be absolutely perfect for her big day. She found ‘the dress’—cue the heart eyes and a collective ‘aww’—and now she’s all about controlling the minutiae. Enter the lilac hair conundrum.
Drama Unleashes Over Drinks
Our heroines are out for a celebratory drink after a successful wedding dress shopping spree. Spirits are high, the cocktails are mixed, and suddenly, like a soap opera twist, Wedding Princess drops a bombshell. She wants Lilac Queen’s hair to be, get this, brown. Oh, honey, it’s like asking a peacock to wear pigeon feathers. Lilac Queen is asked to smother her vibrant, holographic rainbow of a personality for a single day of matrimonial conformity.
When Lilac Queen respectfully declines, suggesting she’d be more suited to wedding cake duty than bridesmaid-ing in bland brown, Wedding Princess isn’t having it. The plea to return to a basic brunette is met with the dazzling dignity of a woman who values her individuality over temporary appeasement.
Alternative Solutions? Shot Down!
Lilac Queen, ever the problem solver, even throws out the idea of rocking a wig or slicking her hair back into a chic low bun. But does Wedding Princess appreciate the creativity? Nope. The future bride dismisses these solutions quicker than you can say “I do,” leaving Lilac Queen to wonder if her sister’s desire for ‘perfect attention’ is really about the hair or something deeper.
Family Weighs In—And It Ain’t Pretty
Mama Bear of the story has to chime in, because what’s a family drama without the meddling matriarch? She sides with Wedding Princess, throwing out the classic “it’s just hair” line as if it were no big deal. The thing is, it’s not “just hair.” It’s like telling someone to deflate their personality and squeeze it into the mold of ‘ordinary’ just to fit your special day narrative. Major eye roll moment, right?
The Cake Conundrum
Here’s another delicious twist—Lilac Queen doubles as a talented baker, moonlighting on the side. She had already envisioned herself bringing a four-tier, flower-laden masterpiece to life as her wedding contribution. Now she’s clearly got her hands full with cake duty and doesn’t need the added stress of conforming to some preconceived hair norm.
Let’s cut through the frosting here. Lilac Queen is already volunteering to perform an intricate, day-long task that’ll make Wedding Princess’s day extra-special. Asking her to dye her hair and possibly compromise the meticulous planning of her baking masterpiece sounds more like a power move than a genuine request.
To Dye or Not to Dye
Here’s where I chime in, Joan’s wise words of wisdom: You do you, boo. Lilac Queen has the right to her own identity and her own pursuits. If someone can’t appreciate her purple prowess and contribution to making the day amazing, then they’re missing the point of what a family celebration should be about.
Weddings are supposed to be about love, connection, and celebrating individuality—of course, within reason. Forcing your sister to mask her unique self just for aesthetic unity in wedding photos is a tad superficial, don’t you think?
Joan’s Verdict
In my ever-so-sassy opinion, Lilac Queen, you’re NTA (Not the A**hole). You stood your ground without being combative, offered reasonable alternatives, and remained focused on making the day special in your own way. If your sister can’t respect that, it’s her hang-up, not yours. So, hold your lilac head high and keep being the vibrant queen you are.
Dyeing for the day? Nah, darling. You’re living in color all year long. Keep the purple, take the pictures, and serve that cake with a side of sass. Because some things—like your dream hair color and dignity—aren’t worth compromising.
Original story
My younger sister (28f) is getting married, we just went out of town to watch her wedding dress shop (she did find the dress and say yes 🥰). We went out for drinks after to celebrate, and the conversation of my (33f) light lilac purple hair came up, I get a lot of compliments when I’m out, and I think she was already a little irritated that every wedding place loved my hair.
Anyways she said I plan on asking you to be a bridesmaid in my wedding, but you can’t have purple hair, you’ll need to dye it brown, my response was, I worked really hard to achieve this color as it’s been my dream hair color for a very long time, and that I’m not dying it for one day, that it won’t hurt my feelings to not stand up there with her and her million friends, especially considering I’m making her wedding cake and was already planning on finishing the decorations the day of her wedding, I told her I’d have to scramble to finish her cake and get in for hair and makeup, and that I’m happy just sitting it out and making sure her cake is perfect. She snapped back with, your my sister and I want you up there, it won’t hurt you to dye it brown for a day, i love your hair but it’s my day and I want all the attention on me not your hair.
I simply responded back with I still stand by my decision to sit this one out, and she just said well we have a year to discuss it…
There is absolutely nothing to discuss, I’m not dying my hair brown for a wedding, therefore I simply won’t be in my sisters wedding, AITA for not letting everyone’s opinions and guilts make me change my hair for her big day?
Edit to add!
During our conversation I did make a joke about wearing a wig, and she didn’t find that funny nor seemed keen on my solution, I also mentioned slicking my hair back into a low pretty bun so facing frontwards you wouldn’t really see much of my hair, that also wasn’t a good solution. I did also tell her I would consider lightening my hair to a silver platinum, and that way I could easily have it changed back to my lilac, I know it’s an issue because my mom was defending her stating it’s just hair and I can change to back from brown, not the case obviously, I’m dreading this conversation coming up again.
I am a baker (side gig), and I happily offered to make their cake, it’s something I enjoy doing, it’s always been something we talked about was me making her cake! However it’s a very extravagant 4 tier cake that is going to be very flowered up, in my mind, I assumed I wouldn’t be asked to be a part of her wedding party since I told her the morning of her wedding I’ll stack the tiers and get the flowers placed how she wants, and I’d just be in my own little world getting that perfectly together.
Never in a million years did I think there’d be an issue with my hair, being in the wedding, and getting the cake together all at once.