AITA For Reminding My Ex I’m Only Responsible for Our Children and Not All of His Kids?
Oh honey, grab your popcorn because you’re about to dive into a juicy saga straight from the depths of Reddit’s Am I The Asshole community. This is one of those stories that makes you gasp, laugh, and wonder if reality really is stranger than fiction.
So, let me introduce you to Ms. 35F, our heroine, and her co-star, Mr. 40M. Picture this: Two lovebirds, who once upon a time (a decade ago, to be precise), decided to tie the knot and bring two lovely boys (now pre-teens, aged 12 and 11) into this world. But hold onto your hats, folks, because the fairy tale didn’t last—it never does, right?
Ms. 35F booted Mr. 40M out as he took a nosedive back into his collegiate frat boy ways right around her second pregnancy. Instead of embracing the diaper duty and midnight feeding frenzy, he was too busy living it up with his bros. Oh, and the bros? They thought she was their designated driver. Adorable, right? Wrong.
After a rugged divorce, Mr. 40M got weekend daddy duty while dreaming of becoming Father of the Year. Spoiler alert: he failed. Three years of sporadic parenting later, he suddenly grew a conscious—probably around the same time he found out his nightlife had resulted in Kid Number Three with another woman. Snap to reality, right? He had some major growing up to do; suddenly, he was 50% parent, 50% of the time, with a THIRD kiddo to boot!
Life, however, wasn’t done with him yet. He went and got hitched again. His new wife didn’t come solo; she brought two extra kids into the mix, akin to adding side dishes to an already chaotic buffet. Adding two more biological kids with the new Mrs., now Mr. 40M, wasn’t managing a household; he was hosting a daycare!
Now, here’s where it gets more tangled than a soap opera episode. With Mr. 40M’s marriage on the rocks (honey, are we even surprised?), he starts treating Ms. 35F like an all-inclusive nanny for his Brady Bunch. I mean, really! He’d rock up for custody exchanges with the whole brood, like a circus rolled into town. Babysitting requests? You betcha. Grabbing old clothes for his littles? Of course! But wait—there’s more.
The grand finale came with back-to-school shopping. Ms. 35F did her part, snagging supplies for her rightful progenies. But Mr. 40M had the audacity—the sheer audacity—to moan that the supplies weren’t enough to share among all five of his kids. I can almost hear her jaw hitting the floor.
It’s as though he forgot that ‘co-parenting’ only involves their shared mini-humans. Darling, when she reminded him whose kids are whose, she might as well have launched a sassy TED Talk titled ‘Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys: A Co-Parent’s Guide to Setting Boundaries.’
Breaking It Down
Mr. 40M tried guilt-tripping her into thinking communal parenting was the way forward—as if raising another woman’s children should be her side hustle! He even labeled her cold for not diving into his melting pot household. Good heavens, the nerve!
Ms. 35F drawing the line isn’t just acceptable; it’s absolutely essential. Co-parenting doesn’t mean merging family finances or parenting philosophies for kids that aren’t yours. Especially when you’ve already got two to focus on!
Now, my dear readers, it’s Roger’s time to shine. Is Ms. 35F guilty of being cold? Should she be the communal supportive ex-wife? And Mr. 40M, darling, here’s a memo: co-parenting is not a socialist enterprise. It’s about balancing roles for the specific children you created together. As to providing for all your ability/love-children? That’s what second incomes, side hustles, and properly-planned finances are for. Snaps to Ms. 35F for standing her ground!
Roger’s Final Thought
If you’ve got baggage, honey, don’t expect others to carry it for you. In short: Ms. 35F is not the villain here, she’s the heroine protecting her boundaries, one sassy retort at a time. And Mr. 40M? Man up, learn basic arithmetic, and realize two plus three does not a communal five make. Custody math doesn’t work that way.
In the iconic words of every reality TV show ever: You are NOT the asshole. You’re just a strong, spirited woman ensuring your responsibilities are met without indulging in someone else’s messy life.
Original story
My ex-husband (40M) and I (35F) have two children together (12,11M). We divorced about 10 years ago now because I feel like he regressed as a husband and a father during my second pregnancy and he was even worse when our younger son was born.
He was acting like a high school or college kid or a single 20 something with no kids. He spent more time with friends than with us.
His friends were also treating me more like his mom and expecting me to pick him up from their houses when they needed to get on with stuff.
He fought for 50% custody of our kids which he wasn’t given and for the first two or three years he had every other weekend and a two week period during the summer with them as well as alternating holidays. He started being more involved and eventually he did get 50% custody.
It was at that time I found out he got some woman pregnant and he realized with three kids he needed to get his act together. He ended up with full custody of his third child.
Then he met his wife. They have two more children together now.
There are two kids in her life, but I don’t believe they’re her biological children anyway, who she is also partially supporting. Those two kids don’t live with them but apparently she/they pay for stuff for this child.
Ex and I started getting along better but then his marriage was rocky. As his marriage worsened he started treating me like a co-parent to all his kids.
He’d bring his other children to custody exchanges and expecting interactions between me and his other children. Then it was requests to babysit for him and his wife, which I never did.
Then it was comments about our boys old clothes at my house being sent to his house for his other kids and how we needed to make sure they had adequate clothing. I told him there was no we in that and he said of course there is, we’re co-parents.
I said of our two sure, but not his other kids. It was requests for me to have his children in my home or to take them out to eat with me and our kids.
And finally it has turned into back to school craziness. I bought supplies for the boys and he told me I hadn’t bought nearly enough for everyone.
I was like hold up, what’s that supposed to mean and he pointed out that what I bought wouldn’t be possible to share evenly between all five children. I told him we don’t have five children, we have two, the two I bought those for.
I told him I am responsible for our children not his three others. I told him he has a wife, they share two of those children, the other is in their home, so it’s up to them.
He told me that I know they don’t have a lot of money and I cut him off and told him that still didn’t make his children my problem. He said I can’t possibly take care of just two of them, not when we’re co-parenting and all five kids live together 50% of the time.
He said I should be a part of the community to help raise these kids and keeping my distance like I do is so dang cold.
AITA?