AITA for Not Running My Potential Baby Names by My SIL Who Grew Up in Foster Care?
Gather round, everyone, because have I got a tale for you. It’s a little bit like a soap opera, but with far fewer commercial breaks and way more Reddit drama. The beauty of Reddit is that sometimes you stumble upon stories that make you go, “Wait, what?” coupled with a dramatically raised eyebrow and maybe even some popcorn ready for the commentary section. So, let’s dive into this roller coaster.
Our protagonist today is a fine gentleman who is up to his knees in baby name-related drama. Imagine this: you’re 30 and you’re expecting your first bundle of joy with your fabulous wife. Of course, the excitement is palpable. You can almost see the parental glow, hear those soft coos of baby sounds, and taste the sleepless nights lined up like a bad buffet. But wait, there’s also the task of naming the little human.
Ah, baby names – the topic that has probably caused more family feuds than Monopoly games. Anyway, our dear fellow and his wife have crafted a beautiful list of names they adore. Here comes the twist: they’ve decided to keep that list as classified as the recipe for Coca-Cola. No leaks, no spoilers, nada. So noble of them to protect their secret names from the unsolicited judgments of the world, right? I mean, as if Facebook comments during election season weren’t bad enough.
Enter our side character, the SIL, a 32-year-old who has had a rough past growing up in foster care. We’re talking different homes, multiple heartbreaks, and experiences that could make a Lifetime movie. She keeps asking about the names, and she gets the same answer every time – a polite but firm “No, thank you.” Initially, she lets it slide, but you know how it goes – the curiosity builds up until finally, it bursts out like a teenager’s zit on prom night.
A week ago, the SIL couldn’t hold it in any longer. She morphs into the Inquisition, pushing and prodding because apparently, knowing the names has become her personal hill to die on. She declares she’s hurt because she’s not in on the secret. Hurt? Really? Honey, you’re not alone in this! Literally, no one else is in on it either. The parents-to-be even have a cute little bell that dings “No names for you!” across the room.
But wait for it: here’s the extra dash of drama. The SIL drops the emotional bomb – given her tragic past in foster care, she wants to make sure none of the names are particularly traumatic for her. This, my friends, is where things take a spicy turn. The brother, the husband’s brother that is – let’s call him Brother Diplomat – chimes in saying maybe they should just run the names by her secretly. Nobel Peace Prize material, this guy.
Our main man is torn. On one side, there’s the whole protecting the sanctity of their secret baby names idea. On the other side, SIL’s tragic past makes it hard not to consider dropping the list her way. He even offers a middle ground. She could tell them which names are big “nope” zones for her, and they’d avoid those. Sounds reasonable, right? Not for everyone, apparently. The SIL insists the triggering names list would be too long and then burns him with “You’re not compassionate enough!” Here’s where anyone with sense would dramatically sip tea.
The brother plays mediator, trying to wave the logic flag while our hero stands his ground: clearly, this is not a democracy but a highly classified operation. He plainly tells his SIL she knows those names which are a hard pass.
Eventually, the brother says he could be more open to compromises. But why find out about the problem post-birth instead of now? Wisdom from the brother, but not enough to sway our steadfast parent-to-be.
So there it is, people: the dilemma – to share or not to share baby names. Now, drumroll, please, for the grand opinion of yours truly, Roger, the sassy scribbler.
Roger’s Two Cents
Let’s be real here: emotional baggage and unsolicited opinions make the worst cocktail ever. Mister soon-to-be-daddy, hats off to you for standing your ground and keeping the peace amidst potential chaos. SIL’s experiences are soul-crushing, no doubt, and deserve empathy. But my dear, it’s also about respecting boundaries. Knowing the names won’t exactly alter the genetic code of the baby.
If our hero is open to avoiding particularly triggering names, maybe they should take that olive branch! Compromise can be golden here. Piling a truckload of names as off-limits, though, isn’t practical. Maybe this is just a case of navigating tricky waters with a bit of finesse. Here’s hoping baby gets a fab name and all ends on a high note. Just remember, folks – baby names are like tattoos; you carry them for life, so choose wisely. 🍼
Original story
My wife (28f) and I (30m) are expecting our first child together. We know the sex and we have built a list of names we both love and want to consider for our child.
But we have not shared the details with anyone else. The sex of our baby and the name won’t be announced until after baby is here.
We don’t want unsolicited opinions on the names we’re talking about. We don’t want people to tell us to honor family members with the names, no judgement to anyone who uses family names but that is not for us.
We also don’t want people getting their opinions in on spellings or whether a name works better for a boy vs a girl. We have witnessed debates like that happen around other expectant parents who shared names and we’re not here for any of that BS.
This brings me to my SIL (32) who is married to my older brother (35). She grew up in foster care and wasn’t adopted.
From what she has talked about she grew up going to a lot of different foster homes and had a lot of bad experiences in foster care. Some of it really tragic too.
She asked us a few times what names we were considering and we told her clearly we were not discussing names with anyone but each other. She’d let it go in the moment and bring it up again.
She brought it up again a week ago. This time instead of letting it go she pushed.
First it was “I really want to know” and then it was “this isn’t a state secret!” and then it was followed by “I’m hurt you don’t want to share with me!
” I asked why she was hurt when she wasn’t alone in not being told. I made sure she knew nobody else was told names we were considering.
But she said given her history in foster care, she expected us to run the names we were considering by her to make sure none were particularly traumatic for her or brought bad memories. My brother said we could tell her and she didn’t have to tell him.
I told them if she had a name or two that were particularly triggering we could take that into account. But we were not letting her go through our whole list to decide what we can or can’t use.
She argued that I wasn’t being compassionate. I told her she was asking for too much.
My brother told me she was just asking for some understanding and I replied that it was exactly why I said she could tell us names that are triggering for her. They told me that could be a long list.
I told her she would surely know names that cause a lot of bad memories to occur.
My brother told me I could be more open to trying to make it work. That I’m being too strict and wouldn’t I rather know now than when my baby is here.
AITA?