AITA for Not Including My MIL in My Mother’s Day Plans? Roger Has Thoughts!
Alright, darlings, grab your popcorn (or a mimosa, I won’t judge) because today’s tale from the drama-filled court of Reddit’s AITA will have you shaking your head and possibly plotting a cunning escape route from your own family’s holiday dynamics.
Our heroine, a 33-year-old Wonder Woman we shall call Jane, has been married to her husband John (also 33) for nearly a decade. They’ve cultivated two tiny humans, aged 6 and 3, and for years have been coasting on a delicate balance of shared parenting duties and family celebrations. But folks, this Mother’s Day, Jane had her fill of that sweet mother-in-law tea.
The Monotonous Mother’s Day Marathon
In previous years, Jane and John celebrated mother’s and father’s days by honoring their parents separately: mornings dedicated to each other and afternoons split between lunch with his parents and dinner with hers. Jane, our multitasking maven, was the long-suffering family event coordinator: reservations, gift buying, ensuring the cake wasn’t a lie—all her. And let’s not forget her juggling two little bundles of joy in and out of cars like a professional clown sans the red nose.
But this year, Jane had an epiphany. Why not consolidate the chaos? Have everyone over to their place and demand the men cook and clean. Genius, right? Who wouldn’t want to linger in their pajamas an extra hour while the kids wreak havoc on their home turf? John, being a rational human, agreed.
Forecast: Clear Skies with a Chance of Miscommunication
Fast forward to Mother’s Day, and John—our scheduled chef—nonchalantly inquired about the arrivals. “Oh, 5:30 for my parents,” Jane replied breezily. Then the hammer dropped. “What time did you tell my parents to come?” he asked. Now, dear readers, grab your stress balls because Jane’s reply was a catalog entry for how to ignite unsuspected family drama. She simply hadn’t invited them.
Hold your horses! Before you clutch your pearls, here’s Jane’s reasoning: it wasn’t her job. John’s parents, John’s responsibility. Because she was swamped with juggling flaming swords (code for kids, meals, and general sanity), she emphatically retired from his parents’ event planning committee.
The Spousal Standoff
John’s jaw likely began its descent to the floorboards. Accusations flew, emotions peaked higher than Everest, and in a move as predictable as daylight, John retorted that it was always implied Jane would do it. Ah, yes, the old “If it looks like a duck” rationale. Jane, queen of verbal sparring, pointed out maybe he needed a verbal wake-up call several years ago.
“Group text them now, problem solved,” she essentially suggested. He did, and much to everyone’s surprise, his parents showed up faster than my Aunt Edna at a bingo hall.
Mil Dilemmas and Diplomacy
The night could have ended peacefully, but alas, passive-aggression needed its stage time. Enter MIL, who sweetly pulled Jane aside for a “just-between-us-gals” chat. “Was it something we did?” she inquired, clutching her pearls like a daytime soap star. Jane, bless her soul, diplomatically cut through the emotion like Paula Deen through butter. She outlined the mishap and reassured MIL it was all an unfortunate oversight.
The night wrapped up, and Jane’s diplomatic efforts granted her a peace of mind…sort of. John, still simmering, held fast to the belief that it should have been wifey’s deal to invite his parents or at least give him a nudge off the couch to do so.
Roger’s Unfiltered Opinion
Alright, lovelies, it’s time for Roger to dish out the truth. Jane, darling, I get your exhaustion. You’re a modern Medusa who not only tames tantrums but also orchestrates logistical ballet. Bravo, star, bravo. But here’s a nugget: communication and partnership need clarity. A preemptive “Did you tell your mom?” text could have saved the day.
On the flip side, John, ya snooze, ya lose, my man. If you can manage a fantasy football league, you can certainly manage inviting your own mother to dinner. You’ve had almost a decade and several occasions to step up. Your response to “They’ll just know what to do” is as thin as the plot in a reality TV show.
In conclusion, everyone shares a slice of the blame pie. Jane, throw your man a life preserver if he’s drowning in the sea of implied expectations. John, buddy, take the initiative sometimes. It’s your mother for crying out loud. The moral here: Communication isn’t just key—it’s the entire lock-set.
So, Jane, NTA with a side of minor misstep. John, YTA but recoverably so. And remember, folks, teamwork makes the dream work—or in this case, avoids MIL drama.
Original story
My husband (33M) and I (33F) have been married for almost 10 years. We have two children, ages 6 and 3.
Prior to having kids, we would celebrate mother’s day and father’s day separately with our own parents. Since having kids, it has generally been that we celebrate each other in the morning, then do lunch at with his parents and dinner with mine.
The issues with this is are that I am always the one making plans, figuring out where/what to eat, what time works, presents, flowers, etc. My husband does not organize anything with his parents on his own.
It is also exhausting trying to organize the kids for not one but two outings in one day. On top of that, when we are at his parents’ house, I am cooking, cleaning, serving, putting things away.
It is tiring and I’m so over it.
Back in April, I told my husband all this and said that this year, I would rather have our parents come to our house for dinner. That way everyone can see each other, we don’t have to fuss with getting the kids out the door, and we get more time in the morning to enjoy the day to ourselves.
I suggested that on mother’s day, the men can cook/clean, and on father’s day, the women will do the same.
My husband said that sounded like a great idea and apologized for how tiring these holidays have been until now. He asked if there was anything specific that I wanted to eat, and that was the last I heard about it from him.
On Mother’s day, he asked me when everyone was supposed to be arriving. I told him I had told my parents to come for 5:30.
He said “Okay. What time did you tell my parents to come for?
” I told him I didn’t invite his parents. He asked why not, and I said because they’re his parents.
He didn’t invite my parents, so why would I have invited his? He said it was “implied” that I would do it because that’s how it’s been every year, to which I said that he should have been doing it himself all those years.
He got upset and went back to cooking. After my parents arrived, he excused himself to get changed and asked to talk to me.
He told me he was really upset about me “excluding” his parents, and I told him he was at fault for them not being there. I said he could call them now and invite them over so he did.
After dinner, my MIL pulled me aside and asked if she or my FIL had done something to upset me. I said of course not, why would she think that?
She said because they were invited so late, she assumed I didn’t want them there. I apologized for making her feel like that and explained what happened, and she seemed very relieved.
I don’t think I am in the wrong here, but my husband still maintains that I should have invited his parents or told him to do it. The only reason I can see that would make me the AH is that his MIL must have felt so awful for most of the day because nobody reached out to her.
AITA?