AITA for Not Calling My Brother’s Spouse ‘Bhabee’? Navigating Family Titles in the Modern Age
Oh, sweetie, aren’t family dynamics just the messiest of all relationship webs? Just when you think you’ve got all the protocol down, life throws in a curveball named “modern norms vs. cultural traditions”. Buckle up, buttercup, because we’re about to dive into a juicy kerfuffle straight from the vaults of Reddit’s ‘Am I The Asshole’ forum. This one’s got it all: cultural lingo, nonbinary identities, and—you guessed it—hurt feelings. So, grab your popcorn and settle in.
The Tale of the ‘Bhabee’
The plot thickens around a classic family dinner setup. Our narrator, let’s call them Alex, is into the typical sibling banter. Now, Alex has three brothers: Two hunky, older married ones and a cute younger one. The eldest is married to a woman who, in traditional Hindi, is called ‘Bhabee’—a sweet sibling-in-law title. All peachy, right? Hold onto your cups, it’s about to spill over.
Now, the second oldest brother, newly married to a nonbinary partner (who is biologically a woman but not identifying as one), joins the dinner bash. And guess what? Drama waves hello when our darling Alex, chatting away about a new cutie they’ve been seeing, drops the term ‘Bhabee’ a lot, to the delight of the first sister-in-law present.
The Awkward Inquiry
Nothing really screams “awkward” like when someone asks you to explain yourself at a family gathering. The nonbinary partner (let’s call them Taylor for this story’s sake) curiously inquires, “Hey, what does ‘Bhabee’ mean?” Alex, the ever-dutiful explainer, goes, “Oh, it means sister-in-law.” Just when Alex thinks it’s sorted, bam! Taylor hits back with, “Why don’t you call me ‘Bhabee’?”
Oh boy, Alex didn’t see that one coming. Gear up for a honesty-loaded clarification. Alex explains that they avoided the term to respect Taylor’s nonbinary identity, trying to sidestep any offense. Well, Taylor heard but wasn’t having any of that. To them, it sounded like straight-up BS, and suddenly peace turned into a battleground.
The Fallout
It escalated quickly, as these familial flares do. Taylor storms off with Alex’s brother in tow, and Alex gets branded as rude and disrespectful—not the titles they were aiming for that night. Cue the aftermath: an accusatory text from the brother, accusing Alex of family foul play. The decree? No talking until an apology is issued. Of course, our drama doesn’t end there. Alex’s eldest sib and the queen bee of this story, the first ‘Bhabee’, join Team Alex, while the parental unit just wants to pack a peace pipe and chill the war zone with an apology.
Roger’s Fabulous Take
Now, here’s where I, your darling scribe Roger, toss in my two cents of pure, unfiltered sass. Darling Alex, sweetheart, let’s be blunt. Intentions matter, but so do perceptions. While your heart was fluttering in PC correctness land, it flew over the rocky terrains of family sentimentality.
Your move to avoid ‘Bhabee’ was honorable, but did you take a pitstop at Taylor’s mental chessboard? Probably not. Taylor’s heart probably winced thinking, “Why can’t I be part of the same cozy brotherhood?” It’s a pickle—address their nonbinary identity without making them feel left out of family traditions.
And listen, dear reader, family titles are like spices in a dish—change them and the whole flavor shifts. It’s a tightrope and inevitably, someone’s going to feel the hollow pang of a missed step.
The gem here? Alex—if you’re reading out there in Redditland, serve the heartfelt apology with a side of clarification about your confusion. It’s respecting Taylor’s gray zones while resolving a title that brings familial unity. Maybe a sit-down, tea-over-chat to find that middle ground where ‘Bhabee’ or nicknames land softly?
Families are a hot mess, but when tackled with grace, they can spark fewer fires and more warmth. Sharpening those communication skills can be the difference between being seen as respectful or just another chapter in the family’s drama memoirs.
For more stories of familial faux pas and relationship rollercoasters, keep glued to your sassy go-to—Roger. Because darling, someone’s got to help you navigate this labyrinth. And honey, that someone is me.
Original story
So for context bhabee (I’m not sure of the actual spelling) means sister in law in Hindi. I have three brothers.
Two who are older and married and one is younger than me. My oldest brother is married to woman who I call bhabee.
My second oldest brother recently got married to his partner of two years. They’re nonbinary but a biological woman.
I have never called them bhabee because I didn’t know if it was disrespectful or not I usually refer to them by their name or I call them doll or something. Yesterday we were all at my parents house for dinner.
I was setting the table with my eldest sister in law and I was talking to her about this boy I’ve been seeing and I assume I was saying bhabee a lot. My brothers spouse asked me what bhabee means and I told them it meant sister in law.
They asked me why I don’t call them bhabee and I explained my reasoning. They started saying that’s bs and saying that I was rude and disrespectful.
I really wasn’t trying to be. My brother and his spouse left and my brother texted me and told me I was rude to his spouse and accused me of not treating them like family.
He said he wouldnt speak to me until I apologize to his spouse. My eldest brother and his wife are on my side but my parents just want to keep the peace and told me I should apologize.
Aita