Welcome to another episode of “How to Handle Family Awkwardness” with your sassy host, Roger. Grab your tea, coffee, or whatever gets you through the wild ride that is family dynamics, and let’s dive into the nitty-gritty, shall we?
So, folks, today’s drama comes courtesy of a real-life Reddit post, and it’s juicier than a ripe mango on a summer day. Our protagonist, let’s call him Alex, is a 26-year-old transgender man who’s been living his true self since he was 16. He’s gone through the transition both socially and medically and wouldn’t you know it, he’s rocking a beard more majestic than Zeus himself. Go, Alex!
But, of course, not all stories have a smooth sailing, especially when family is involved. Enter Dad, a 67-year-old with a mental block the size of the Great Wall of China regarding Alex’s identity. Dad’s stance? Something along the lines of, “I’m not gonna fight you on it, but don’t expect me to change a darn thing about how I refer to you.” Oh, the joys of parental stubbornness!
The Plot Thickens
Now, picture this: Alex is visiting Dad, possibly for a tea that’ll go cold from both ends of the conversation. They bump into Dad’s neighbor while discussing—get this—a fallen tree. As random as it gets, right? Dad decides it’s the perfect moment to introduce Alex as his daughter using the outdated name Alex probably hasn’t answered to in a decade. Smooth move, Dad. Real smooth.
Now, Alex, being quick on his feet and adept at navigating life’s little curveballs, decides to nip this awkward bud right in the bloom. He says, “No, Dad, I’m Alex, your son, remember?” with enough concerned/pitying tone to rival soap opera actors. The pièce de résistance? Alex follows up with a sorrowful look at the neighbor, as if saying, “Bless his heart, he’s slipping.” Pure. Genius.
Dad’s Priceless Reaction
Of course, Dad does the usual awkward shuffle and dismisses it like he’s sweeping dirt under a very lumpy rug, while the neighbor now looks at him like he’s one pruned chicken from a retirement home brochure. For the rest of the conversation, the neighbor chats with Dad as if he’s one Nick Jr. rerun away from senility. Alex, bravo! *claps exuberantly*
Later, Dad puts on his serious face and voices his complaints. He doesn’t like that Alex made the neighbor think he’s in early-stage dementia. Poor him, right? But Alex has a different take. According to him, Dad had it coming the moment he dragged Alex’s past into the conversation like it’s everyone’s business. Talk about karmic justice!
What’s the Verdict?
Let’s be real for a second: Alex did what any self-respecting person in his shoes would do. No one should be forced into divulging their life story to a rando over a fallen tree debate. Dad’s refusal to respect Alex’s identity makes him a walking, talking invitation for people to speculatively send him into memory care units.
Now, could Alex have pulled his dad aside later and had a heart-to-heart? Sure, but that ship seems to have sailed and crashed into the iceberg of Dad’s stubbornness ages ago. Sometimes, you get so fed up with the repetitive script that you just go off-book and improvise, and in this case, Alex’s improvisation was sheer brilliance.
Final Thoughts from Roger
So, dear readers, on whether Alex is the jerk in this saga? Roger’s call: Absolutely not! He masterfully handled an awkward situation while keeping his dignity intact and not giving in to the pressure of outdated labels. Dad might need a few more moments of people talking to him like he’s graduated from the school of forgetfulness before he finally gets the hint.
So, raise your glass to Alex for standing his ground with a wit that’s sharper than a double-edged sword! And for those of you dealing with similar struggles, take a leaf out of Alex’s book—maybe even the whole darn tree that fell—and remember: respect is a two-way street.
Stay sassy, stay smart, and above all, stay true to yourself. Until next time, this is Roger, signing off!
Original story
I (26M) am a transgender man. I’ve been out since I was 16 and started medically transitioning at 19.
I’m pretty burly and I have a beard, so at this point no one would have any reason to think I’m trans unless I tell them. My dad (67M)’s perspective on this is basically “I won’t argue with you about it, but I’m also not going to change the way I refer to you.
” If I directly call him out on it he just awkwardly waffles and dismisses it. It’s annoying, but I can live with it, especially because the rest of my family is largely supportive and trying to maintain a relationship with them while not interacting with my dad would be difficult and frustrating for everyone involved.
I was visiting a couple of days ago, and my dad and I bumped into his neighbour from a few doors down and ended up in a conversation about a tree that had fallen down in the street. My dad introduced me to his neighbour with “this is my daughter, (old name).
” Not really wanting to have to explain to this random stranger that I’m trans, I just said, “no Dad, I’m (name), your son, remember?” in a concerned/pitying tone of voice, then sort of looked at the neighbour with a sad expression.
My dad, as usual, just awkwardly dismissed it and tried to continue the conversation without acknowledging it. The neighbour sort of did an “ah, gotcha” expression, and for the rest of the conversation he spoke slower to my dad.
Later, my dad told me he didn’t like that I’d made his neighbour think he was senile, because he might have conversations with him in the future and would have to spend those conversations being treated like he’s in the early stages of dementia. For my part, I think he invites it by referring to a guy no one would suspect is trans as a woman (not that I think he should refer to any trans person as their birth sex) and it was only a matter of time before someone thought he was nuts.
I also feel that I had the right to keep it private that I’m trans to this stranger. My dad can feel free to explain the situation to him later, but in the moment I didn’t want to potentially have to get stuck in a conversation defending my identity as a trans person to him.
AITA?