A Guinea Pig Revolution: Why My Boyfriend Thinks I’m Gross And Why He’s Adorably Wrong
Oh, let me tell you, sweet summer children, you haven’t truly lived until a man in fuzzy slippers steps into a fresh Guinea pig surprise and loses all semblance of chill. Gather ’round, we’re diving into a tale ripped from the virtual pages of Reddit, featuring an epic clash between love and a wee creature named Twix.
The Backstory
Our heroine is a lovely 28-year-old woman who, by the providence of the Pet Gods, came into possession of Twix, a guinea pig with the spirit of Columbus. This little charmer has been cruising around two rooms of her house for three glorious years. Let’s set the stage: she lives alone, and this isn’t a pity party, darling—it’s a choice. Cue her boyfriend of six months, a strapping 29-year-old who shall henceforth be known as ‘The BF.’ He’s been crashing at her pad quite often, and, like all stories worth their weight in reality TV, drama ensues.
The Big Offense
You see, Twix isn’t your average, incarcerated guinea pig living a solitary life behind bars. Oh no, Twix is a free-range adventurer, split between a small screened-in porch and a generously rubber and PVC-covered bedroom. In his mind, it’s probably the Versailles of guinea pig habitats. But The BF, bless his heart, thinks Twix’s freedom is absolutely disgusting. I mean, what kind of 29-year-old man can’t handle a little guinea pig poop, am I right? Apparently, this one.
So there they are, one fine day, our lady and her guinea pig coddled in their room of joy when The BF barges in and voilà, his foot discovers a nugget of Twix’s processed dinner. And wouldn’t you know it, The BF has a meltdown of Shakespearean proportions. He starts hollering about how gross it is, how inconsiderate she’s being, and basically questions her love for him through the lens of a tiny, free-roaming furball.
The Ultimatum
Our lovable BF then suggests that if she really loved him, she’d downgrade Twix’s suite to something less ‘luxe’ and more prison-cell chic. You know, a regular cage, because nothing says true love like confined living spaces. Oh, and he wants to repurpose the extra room for ‘them,’ despite not officially living there. Ugh, can you smell the entitlement?
Understandably, our protagonist is flabbergasted. Rewind: she has two bedrooms, one of which is a guinea pig playground paradise, and suddenly she’s expected to rearrange her house for a boyfriend she’s only had for half a year? To quote her, “I love Twix and I don’t think it’s fair to let someone change the way I’ve always treated him.” Damn straight, lady!
The External Opinions
Now, here’s where it gets juicier than overripe mango—she ropes in her mother. And Mumsie dearest sides with The BF! Oh, the betrayal! Mom thinks she’s being unfair by choosing a rodent over a human, practically quoting a hallmark card down to the guilt-trippy undertones.
Layers of Complexity
As if the plot needs thicker piping, our leading lady clarifies the setup—besides the two-room playland, Twix isn’t free-roaming the entire house. She’s not a monster; she’s a meticulous pet mom keeping things clean, albeit a few stray poops that get past her vigil. Twix, by all metrics, is living his best life, and she’s even considering getting him a buddy. Her cleaning game is tight, but hey, you can’t hover like a helicopter mom 24/7, especially with a guinea pig’s epic output rate.
So, Is She The Arse?
Drumroll, please…
The short answer: Hell. No.
Putting The BF’s unwarranted dramatics aside, he needs to realize that love and compromise should work both ways. If he wants to insinuate himself into her home, he better come prepared to accept the part and parcel of the lives intertwined in it. Including the furry one.
Dear BF, if you’re reading this, lighten up. Let the guinea pig live its little, harmless, free-range life, and maybe, just maybe, consider stepping up your game. A strong relationship isn’t about forcing your partner to change; it’s about adapting and evolving together. If normalizing Twix’s freedom is a big deal for your fragile sensibilities, then lord help you when adulting challenges require more than just sidestepping poop nuggets. End rant.
Original story
I (28F) have had my guinea pig, Twix, for 3 years now. I live alone, and my boyfriend of 6 months (29M) stays over at my house a lot.
Twix is “free-range.” Not completely, because that would be dangerous, but he’s able to move freely between a small screened in porch area and a bedroom.
I don’t have any other animals, but I don’t want to accidentally hurt him or let him hurt himself. He has toys and water throughout the space, it’s totally his, and I love being able to provide him with more freedom than a traditional cage.
Bf has always found this gross but never made it a big deal. But it must have been boiling inside him, because when I was in the room playing with Twix the other day while bf was over, bf came into the room as well and stepped in some poop (which is bound to happen every once in a while with a free range guinea pig).
Bf WENT OFF about how gross it is and how having this space for Twix was inconsiderate to him and if I loved him I would put Twix in a regular size cage and repurpose the extra room in my house for his use/more space for us to be together. My house is 2 bedrooms and like I said, I live alone, it’s not like bf officially moved in.
I love Twix and I don’t think it’s fair to let someone change the way I’ve always treated him. I feel like if Twix was a dog or cat it wouldn’t be a problem because that’s seen as more normal.
My mother agrees I’m not being fair to bf by “putting an animal above a person.”
AITA?
Edits for clarification: The areas Twix has free access to are covered in rubber and PVC flooring. Basically how you would set up a playpen, just larger scale.
I am looking for a buddy for him 💖 but right now he’s solo for a bit. Twix does poop on random areas of the floor, but has some consistent areas and I do clean up after him.
I just can’t clean up after him 24/7 and guinea pigs poop a lot. Twix is not completely free-range around the entire house, just in 2 rooms.