A Friend in Need or a Friend Indeed? Why I Won’t Make My Partner a Chauffeur
Alright, let’s dive into this juicy dilemma that’s got the Reddit community holding its breath. Picture this: you’re seven months pregnant, and you’ve been a good Samaritan for the last year, giving your friend rides to work. Fast forward to now, and you’re about to embark on the wild ride of maternity leave, which means no more early morning carpooling. Totally understandable, right? Well, not to everyone, apparently.
This story is ripped straight from the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subreddit, where an expecting mom finds herself in quite the pickle. She’s been a ride-or-die (pun absolutely intended) for her friend, driving her to work at the crack of dawn. But now, with a baby on the way, she’s ready to pass the baton. Or rather, the keys. And here’s where things get spicy: the friend expects her partner to take over the chauffeur duties. Cue the drama!
The Friend’s Expectation
Okay, let’s set the stage. This woman, whom we’ll call Preggy Peggy for a dash of flair, has been kind enough to drive her friend, Carpool Cathy, to work. They live close to each other, and the arrangement worked out perfectly… until it didn’t. With maternity leave on the horizon, Peggy rightly decides that driving at 6 am with a newborn in tow is an absolute no-go. And rightfully so! Can you imagine the chaos?
The Audacious Request
Now here’s where it gets good. Cathy suggests that Peggy’s partner—let’s call him People-Pleasing Pete—should drive her to work instead. Why? Because, according to Cathy, it’s Pete’s ‘fault’ that Peggy is pregnant and can’t do the driving herself. Wow, just wow. That’s like blaming the rain on your neighbor because they were washing their car.
Peggy, being the sensible queen she is, shuts down the idea faster than you can say ‘Uber.’ She doesn’t want Pete to wake up earlier, disrupt his routine, or go out of his way for someone else’s problem. And honestly, I’m here for it. Peggy clearly states, “I’m not making my partner wake up earlier than he normally does to get ready for work and drive my friend to work because she can’t find a ride.” Can we get an amen?
The Guilt Trip Extravaganza
Cathy, not one to back down easily, tries to guilt-trip Peggy into submission. She drops a casual joke about how Pete should pretty much suck it up because, hey, it’s his fault Peggy can’t drive anymore. Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor. Peggy stands her ground, but Cathy just won’t ease off. She even goes as far as pulling the ultimate guilt card: “I wouldn’t have taken the job that I helped her get if she knew we wouldn’t be able to carpool anymore.”
Give me a break! Cathy, honey, people change jobs, situations shift, and life happens. Peggy’s all but bent over backward to help you out. Time to put on your big girl pants and figure it out. Being a good friend doesn’t mean being a permanent crutch.
A Redefined Boundary
So, what does Roger think? Let’s put it simply: Peggy’s in the right. You’re growing a baby, for Pete’s sake (pun totally intended). The lions’ share of Peggy’s responsibilities should be focused on her and her budding family. Cathy needs to appreciate that and not expect the world to revolve around her morning commute. Expecting Pete to disrupt his life is beyond unreasonable. As Peggy rightly pointed out, he’s a people-pleaser, and honestly, sometimes people-pleasers need a champion willing to say ‘no’ for them. So, Peggy, you did damn good. Clearly, you’re not only looking out for your family but also setting healthy boundaries.
In the immortal words of every overused meme, ‘Not everyone who is your friend will always remain your friend.’ Carpool Cathy might need a reality check to realize friends assist when possible, but they’re not obligated to upend their lives indefinitely. And let’s not forget there are other ways to get to work in 2023—hello, public transport, rideshare apps, and, if all else fails, a trusty ol’ bicycle.
Final Thought from Roger
My final take? Cathy, darling, it’s time to put your big-girl boots on and find another ride. And Peggy, keep doing what you’re doing: being a fabulous, boundary-setting mom-to-be. Motherhood is about to hit you like a ton of bricks—in the best possible way! So, buckle up (pun definitely intended) and focus on the joy that’s soon to come. And if Cathy comes around to realizing she’s been a bit…much, forgive her, but don’t change your stance. After all, a favor is one thing, but a sense of entitlement is another. You’re NTA, Peggy. Not even close.
Original story
I am currently 7 months pregnant and I give my friend a ride to work, I’ve been doing this the last year because they lived 3 minutes away from me when I was in my old apartment, and I continued to do the favor when I moved in with my partner.
I’m going on maternity leave next month and my friend has no idea how she is getting to and from work. She’s been trying to figure it out since I found out I was pregnant but she cannot drive, there are no driving schools nearby, the closest one is 2 hours away, and they have no family to help them.
I said I wish I could help more, but giving her rides while I’m on maternity leave but driving with a newborn at 6 am just isn’t happening.
Today she suggested I ask my partner (my baby’s father) if he would drive her, and I said no I’m not asking. We have to be at work at 6:30 and my partner had to be at work at 7:30, and we live 10/15 minutes from my friend and our job is 20 minutes away from his job and I’m not making my partner wake up earlier than he normally does to get ready for work and drive my friend to work because she can’t find a ride.
She made a joke saying that he should because it’s his fault that I have to go out of work because he got me pregnant and as a friend she would appreciate the favor. I said I wish we could help but I’m not asking him.
She’s upset with me because I won’t even ask, but I already know my partner will say yes because he has people pleaser tendencies so im making the decision for him. Then she brought up how she wouldn’t have taken the job that I helped her get if she knew we wouldn’t be able to carpool anymore, she figured it out when I couldn’t give her rides due to illness or appointments, but now I feel like she’s trying to guilt me and keeps insisting I just ask and won’t drop it.
AITA?