A Case of Baby Names and Overreaching: Who’s the Real A**hole Here?
Alright, gather ’round my lovelies, because today we’re diving into the swirling vortex of baby names, family boundaries, and just a pinch of overreach. This, my dear readers, comes straight from the annals of Reddit’s AITA (Am I The A**hole) forum—a place where the petty and profound converge for our voyeuristic delight.
Our protagonist, a 30-year-old soon-to-be dad, and his wife, 28, have got a bun in the oven. And like any couple who has seen one too many family dinners spiral into unsolicited advice and dramatic gasps, they’ve decided to keep their baby names hush-hush until the little cherub makes their grand entrance. I mean, who needs Aunt Karen chiming in about how ‘Hunter’ was the name of her high school ex who never returned her meatloaf pan?
But then, enter stage left, his sister-in-law (SIL), aged 32, who—brace yourselves—wants a sneak peek into the name list to avoid any trauma triggers from her tumultuous time in foster care. The couple, our heroes of the tale, said a big fat ‘no’ to disclosing the names to anyone, including SIL. They’ve got their reasons, and honestly, they seem bulletproof to me. The world is full of opinions, and it’s not about to spare expectant parents.
SIL doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. In classic ‘I’m just gonna keep asking until you cave’ fashion, she keeps prodding the couple for the names. Now, I understand she’s got her trauma triggers, but our man here isn’t exactly Count Von Doucheyface either. He offers a compromise: give him a head’s up on the names that set her PTSD off, and they’ll consider those as no-goes. I mean, that’s kind of compassionate and pragmatic, right?
The Name Game
Here’s where things take a turn for the melodramatic. SIL wants the whole list to run through her mental scanner. Baby Daddy says no way, José. I’m with him on this one. I mean, does SIL expect them to submit a spreadsheet with ‘trauma potential’ columns? Our poor dad here would be living out a real-life episode of ‘Say Yes to the Dress,’ but with names like ‘Tiffany’ and ‘Brandon’ instead of tulle and sequins.
Brother dearest (aged 35) chimes in, siding with his wife and throwing our man under the bus for not being ‘compassionate enough.’ Wow, talk about sibling solidarity! But our dad-to-be holds his ground, saying if SIL’s list of trigger names is longer than a CVS receipt, she should just share the highlights. Honestly, any sane person would agree, right?
Welcome to the Overreach Olympics!
Alright, let’s back this up. In life, we all come with our own baggage—some of us have carry-ons, others drag around chests straight from the Titanic. But imposing one’s emotional not-to-dos onto someone else’s milestones is a risky tightrope walk. It’s one thing to say, ‘Hey, Kaitlyn makes me want to hurl because my evil foster sister was named that,’ and another to demand a detailed briefing of all prospective names.
Dare I say it, but our new parent-to-be is right. If SIL had such scarring experiences—and truly, my heart goes out to her—she’d already know the names that are big ol’ landmines. It’s like avoiding Gorgonzola when you’re lactose intolerant; you don’t need to sniff every cheese in existence to know that.
Roger’s Final Verdict
Alright, drumroll, please! The question of the hour: AITA? (Am I The A**hole?) And here comes the sassy clincher:
Dear Redditor, you are NOT the a**hole. You’re right that nobody needs the stress of rented opinions wrecking their baby name zen. I commend you for offering the compromise of considering traumatic names—classy move, my friend. You aren’t a character from some Dickensian novel obligated to submit to every whim and wish of others just to prove your compassion.
SIL over here needs to understand that while we can sympathize with someone’s past, it doesn’t mean they get carte blanche to sidestep boundaries. Your baby, your choice. Case closed. Now sit back, relax, and get ready to welcome that bundle of joy without the meddlesome drama!
Original story
My wife (28f) and I (30m) are expecting our first child together. We know the sex and we have built a list of names we both love and want to consider for our child.
But we have not shared the details with anyone else. The sex of our baby and the name won’t be announced until after baby is here.
We don’t want unsolicited opinions on the names we’re talking about. We don’t want people to tell us to honor family members with the names, no judgement to anyone who uses family names but that is not for us.
We also don’t want people getting their opinions in on spellings or whether a name works better for a boy vs a girl. We have witnessed debates like that happen around other expectant parents who shared names and we’re not here for any of that BS.
This brings me to my SIL (32) who is married to my older brother (35). She grew up in foster care and wasn’t adopted.
From what she has talked about she grew up going to a lot of different foster homes and had a lot of bad experiences in foster care. Some of it really tragic too.
She asked us a few times what names we were considering and we told her clearly we were not discussing names with anyone but each other. She’d let it go in the moment and bring it up again.
She brought it up again a week ago. This time instead of letting it go she pushed.
First it was “I really want to know” and then it was “this isn’t a state secret!” and then it was followed by “I’m hurt you don’t want to share with me!
” I asked why she was hurt when she wasn’t alone in not being told. I made sure she knew nobody else was told names we were considering.
But she said given her history in foster care, she expected us to run the names we were considering by her to make sure none were particularly traumatic for her or brought bad memories. My brother said we could tell her and she didn’t have to tell him.
I told them if she had a name or two that were particularly triggering we could take that into account. But we were not letting her go through our whole list to decide what we can or can’t use.
She argued that I wasn’t being compassionate. I told her she was asking for too much.
My brother told me she was just asking for some understanding and I replied that it was exactly why I said she could tell us names that are triggering for her. They told me that could be a long list.
I told her she would surely know names that cause a lot of bad memories to occur.
My brother told me I could be more open to trying to make it work. That I’m being too strict and wouldn’t I rather know now than when my baby is here.
AITA?