A Bloody Wedding Gift: Why I Refused to Tattoo My Cousin on His Big Day
Alright, gather ’round my little ink enthusiasts, because Uncle Roger’s got a juicy tale to tell. It’s all based on a true-life Reddit post, and trust me, it’s a whirlwind.
The Wedding Invite
Picture this: You’re a self-made tattoo artist with years of experience and your very own studio. Life is a beautiful canvas, right? Then you get an invitation to a cousin’s wedding happening in another state. Fast forward, the wedding is a week away and everything is chill—or so you think.
The Outrageous Request
Out of the blue, our cousin, let’s call him Matt (no, it’s not short for anything cool), sends you a text. Casual, right? Wrong. Matt drops this bombshell: “You’re gonna tattoo me on my wedding day.” Excuse me, what? Isn’t this the day you commit to a lifelong partnership and not the day you decide to get inked like you’re backstage at a Motley Crüe concert?
The Machine Misunderstanding
So, trying to keep it light and hoping Matt’s had one too many pre-wedding cocktails, you jokingly ask if he’s got a tattoo machine handy. But no, he’s dead serious and as clueless as ever. He actually asks you if you don’t have a machine and reminds you ‘one machine wouldn’t take up that much space’. Oh honey, if only the world of tattoo artistry were as simple as shoving some crayons into your carry-on.
The Tactical Refusal
Backtracking hard, you explain that your tattoo arsenal is basically akin to packing an entire IKEA store: machine, colors, hygiene items, and stencils. You also have no idea what the venue is like—inside, outside, is it a barn, a spaceship? Context matters, people! Plus, the man needs a design, not just a random squiggle.
The Family Fallout
Fast forward to no reply from Matt. Instead, you get a call from the matriarch. Yep, your mother. Furious doesn’t even cut it. She’s livid that you can’t ‘pull your shit together and just tattoo Matt’. Ah yes, because nothing screams motherly disappointment like pressuring your child into performing free labor under dubious conditions.
Mama dearest throws the classic emotional torpedo: ‘It would mean so much to Matt and his family. Consider it your wedding gift.’ Gift? Interesting. I had no idea we were wrapping needles in shiny paper now.
A Brother’s Shrug and A Sassy Dilemma
So, you consult your brother, assuming he’ll have some sanity. But ol’ bro just shrugs it off and says ‘it would be nice of you though.’ Basically, moral support for the win, right?
So here you are, struggling with this absurd request. You’ve never traveled with your tattoo gear, let alone flown with it. But hey, it’s for family. That totally justifies pressing someone into unpaid work, minutes before a close-up of the first kiss.
The Fabulous Opinion Corner: Roger’s Take
Now let’s get to the pièce de résistance: my unfiltered, unapologetic opinion.
Dear family, how about this for a novel idea: let’s not turn special events into opportunities for free labor. A wedding is about love, not exploiting your cousin’s talents because you had a brainwave after a few too many tequila shots. And for anyone backing this absurd request: Next time, how about you step up and organize this so-called ‘magical experience’? Thought so.
If cousin Matt wants a tattoo so bad on his wedding day, maybe he should book an actual tattoo session at a studio, where professionals can work their magic without the chaos of bouquet tosses and champagne spills.
Apologies if my realist view popped your fantasy bubble, but someone’s gotta say it. Keep the peace? Keep your sanity first, darling. No tattoo is worth that kind of mess, trust me. Until next time, remember: You’re the needle master, not the family doormat.
Original story
(Throwaway because I’m not sure if my family uses Reddit lol)
So a little to my background: I am a tattoo artist. I’ve done an apprenticeship the first year of tattooing.
I work as a tattoo artist for 4 years now and I opened a studio recently.
Me and my family are invited to a wedding, that is taking place in another state. My Cousin is marrying and we got the invitation a few months ago.
Time has moved forward and now the wedding is in a week already. Out of the blue my Cousin, let’s call him Matt, texted me with something along the lines of „you’re gonna tattoo me on my wedding day“.
I was a bit confused as I never even thought of bringing my equipment, since I also didn’t plan a guestspot or anything. (guestspot is a tattoo artist working at an other studio for a few days or weeks, mostly in a different area to grow the clientele) I jokingly asked if he has a machine, as i still hoped that he wasn’t serious.
He then just asked if I don’t have one (??
?) and that one machine wouldn’t take up that much space to take with.
I replied that I didn’t plan on bringing my equipment, that in fact contains more than just a machine (color, hygiene stuff, stencil(thats the purple stuff you put on the skin to then trace the tattoo with actual needles) etc) and that I’m not prepared to tattoo at a wedding of which i don’t know anything about (layout of the location, is it inside/outside and so on) He then said that he had planned on this and that it would mean a lot to him to both get a tattoo on his wedding day and that I’d be the one to tattoo him. Remember that this is the first time I’m hearing this.
I again tried to explain that I don’t feel comfortable with that and that it’s quite short notice as I work until me and my brother fly over to attend the wedding and a tattoo needs to be designed first, right? He saw my message but didn’t reply anymore.
This morning my mother called and she was furious… she asked why I couldn’t pull my shit together and just tattoo Matt. I told her what I’ve previously told Matt as well but she didn’t wanna hear it.
She just said it would mean a lot to her and Matt‘s family if I’d do that and that it could be my wedding gift then she hung up.
I talked to my brother about it and he just shrugged it off and said „it would be nice of you tho“
I’m unsure what to do now, as I said I’m not really comfortable with the whole situation, especially because I’ve never been guestspotting, so I never had to travel -let alone get on a plane- with my equipment. But is that just selfish?
I mean it would mean a lot to apparently everyone and I’m just saying no?
EDIT: 1) I do have an actual wedding gift already as they sent out a wishlist with their invitations. There was a point that said Artwork, because they recently moved into a bigger house and apparently they want random artwork to decorate.
I oil painted them a painting i spent several days on, so I also don’t plan to give him a voucher as a gift.
2) Matty doesn’t have any tattoos as far as I know.
3) I don’t know what my mom’s problem is with all of this, I think she just wants to “keep the peace”