Based on a real Reddit post from a real person.
Gather ’round, folks. I’m about to tell you a tale so riveting, so jaw-droppingly incredible, you’ll start believing in unicorns. This is no myth, no bedtime story. This is the life of Jeanne Louise Calment, a woman who lived for 122 gloriously sassy years.
Born When? Oh Honey, Please…
Jeanne Louise Calment came into this world on February 21, 1875. Yes, 1875. That’s back when people rode horses to work and considered electricity to be witchcraft. If you’re struggling to grasp the sheer length of her life, let’s put it this way: she was born the same year Bizet premiered Carmen, and croaked just before we all started worrying about Y2K. Perspective, darling.
By the time Jeanne hit 111 in 1986, she was already a legend. The average human probably finds turning 30 exhausting—between paying bills and maintaining a yoga routine, it’s enough to make anyone dread each birthday. But Jeanne was nonplussed. While the rest of us contemplate Botox and anti-aging creams, she just laughed off the centuries like yesterday’s bad fashion choices.
Let’s Talk Centennial Diet: Wine and Olive Oil
If you’re expecting some fancy, organic, gluten-free, unicorn tear-infused diet, brace yourself. Jeanne stuck to simple pleasures: port wine and olive oil. Forget kale smoothies. While the health industry throws buzzy words around like “antioxidants” and “herbal supplements,” Jeanne just took things easy with Mediterranean staples. She used to drench her food in olive oil and wasn’t shy about tossing back a glass of wine. Did it help her live longer? Who knows? But it sure made her one badass Frenchwoman enjoying her life.
Madame Calment vs. Daily Life: Round One Million
Jeanne lived a life full of more twists and turns than a daytime soap opera. She remembered the Eiffel Tower being built. I mean, let’s pause for a moment and let that marinate. She wasn’t visiting it on a touristy weekend trip to Paris. She. Saw. The. Eiffel. Tower. Being. Built.
By 1915, she met a young man named Vincent van Gogh. And how did she describe this globally-revered master painter? As “dirty, badly dressed, and disagreeable.” Ouch, Jeanne. Clearly, she didn’t mince words, God bless her sassy soul.
Old Age? More Like Bold Age
Now, you’d think that by the time she reached the triple digits, Jeanne would consider slowing down. Nonsense! Even at 100, she was still bicycling around her village in Arles, France, probably making the local teenagers feel inadequate. Moving into her 110s didn’t stop her from treating herself to chocolate almost daily. Talk about living your best life!
Oh, and she picked up fencing in her 20s. Fencing? It’s as if she wanted to look History in the eye and say, “Not today, Satan.”
A New Century, Still the Same Sass
Jeanne was a witness to every single invention that formed our modern life: cars, airplanes, television, the internet. Imagine her amusement (or lack thereof) at people losing their minds over the newest iPhone or Netflix show. “Pfft,” she’d probably say. “I lived through two World Wars. Get over yourselves.”
By her late 90s, Jeanne had sold her apartment on a reverse annuity—an ingenious financial plan where a man bought her place, agreeing to pay her a monthly amount until she died. Spoiler alert: she outlived him too. That’s Jeanne Louise Calment for you—outliving not just expectations, but the person who thought she had limited time left.
Finally Saying Adieu
After a lifetime of breaking records and stealing scenes, Jeanne finally passed away in 1997. Now, I know you’re expecting a grand moral or some profound life lesson from this saga, but here’s the tea: Jeanne Louise Calment lived by her own rules. She drank wine, ate chocolate, rode bikes past her prime, and basically gave Father Time the proverbial middle finger.
The secret to her longevity? Probably a hearty combination of genetics, olive oil, and an indomitable spirit. Or maybe it’s simpler than that—perhaps it’s about enjoying every nibble of life’s offerings, dealing with the downs with panache, and letting yourself indulge sometimes without fretting over every single calorie or wrinkle.
So, let’s raise a glass of red wine to the incomparable Jeanne Louise Calment—because if we learned anything from her, it’s that life gets better with age, just like a fine Bordeaux.