AITA for Not Going to My Sister’s Birthday Dinner with the Rest of Our Family?
Everyone loves a good birthday dinner, right? The cake, the awkward family photos, the relentless questions about your love life from Aunt Gertrude. But what if I told you I—a 16-year-old boy with an affinity for chaos—decided to skip my sister’s big birthday bash? Oh, the drama!
This juicy tale comes straight from a real Reddit post penned by a conflicted teenage boy. Grab your popcorn, darling, because things are about to get as messy as Aunt Gertrude’s famous meatloaf.
The Context: A Tale of Two Families
Once upon a time, in the land of awkward family dynamics, our protagonist was adopted. His biological mother bailed out faster than a Kardashian marriage, leaving him to be raised by his first father. This dad, before facing a terminal illness, meticulously handpicked a new family for his son. Talk about matchmaking goals, right?
Flash forward, and our boy is now part of a bustling household with a new mom, dad, two sisters, and a brother. Not only did his new dad take him in, but he also kept a treasure trove of letters, videos, and keepsakes from the first dad—evidence of a love that can only be found on Lifetime movies. These keepsakes were our protagonist’s lifeline to his past, a way to stay connected to his roots.
The Unforgettable Incident
But, because family drama is thicker than Aunt Gertrude’s gravy, things took a turn. Eighteen months ago, some letters went missing. Skimming through his room like a detective in a bad noir, he found nothing. Eventually, he figured he’d lost them. Cue freak-out of the century. Fortunately, his parents—being the legends they are—had backup copies.
Six months ago, the saga hit its peak. Picture this: He walks in on his 20-year-old sister committing arson—okay, okay, she was just destroying those precious copies. There was screaming, accusations, and an episode that would give even Netflix writers a run for their money. She threw a tantrum about his need to cling to his late first dad, and he retorted like a savage, pointing out that this dead guy was the reason they had him in their lives at all. Mic drop.
Dad came home to find his children reenacting WWE Raw, and our sister found herself out on the streets faster than you can say ’emotional damage.’ The cherry on top? The boy soon learned that the original letters were safe all along. Sur-priiise! But by then, the damage was done.
The Birthday Showdown
Fast forward to now; it’s the 20-year-old sister’s birthday—a milestone birthday if you will. The family planned a delightful dinner, the kind grandparents obsess over and Instagram accounts aspire to capture. Everyone’s invited: parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and both sets of grandparents. Everyone, except for our hero here, who had about as much interest in attending as a cat has in a bubble bath.
So, he didn’t go. He skipped it. And as predictable as a Hallmark movie twist, the paternal grandparents are livid. Can you hear the kettle whistling yet?
His grandparents claim that he’s shutting his sister out, not giving her a chance to make amends. They spin a sob story about the emotions in adoptive families being more complex than a Rubik’s Cube and argue that his act was worse than what his sister did. Oh, the gall!
Roger’s Take: The Sassified Verdict
Well, butter my biscuit and call me sassy; it’s time for Roger’s verdict.
Listen, sweetie, even in the wild world of familial disputes, there are some lines you just don’t cross. Destroying something precious to someone? That’s grounds for war. Our young lad had every right to feel hurt. We’re talking about letters and mementos from a dead parent, for crying out loud! Calm as a cucumber in a salad, he chose the sensible option—protecting his mental health.
So, dear grandparents, why don’t you take a seat and a calming sip of chamomile tea? Demanding that he play happy family with someone who torched his memories ain’t it, chief. He’s 16, not a saint.
My dear, you’re entitled to skip a birthday dinner if you need to. This is about emotional safety and boundaries, not about simply appeasing people who don’t understand the gravity of destroying cherished memories.
Wanna make peace? Sure, Oprah would recommend that. But we aren’t all Oprah, darling. You’ll mend fences when you’re ready, prioritize yourself for now. And grandparents, here’s a little extra tidbit: Sometimes, letting things simmer is better than forcing a swift reconciliation. Patience, darlings!
As for our protagonist, keep those barriers up, let yourself heal, and don’t rush into flinging your heart on a platter just to make everyone else feel okay. You do you, kiddo!
Original story
My older sister turned 20 a week ago and she celebrated with dinner Saturday night. I (16m) didn’t go with my parents and my brother (15m).
I have another sister (23) who went and so did both sets of grandparents and our aunt and uncle. I’m the only family member who didn’t show and my paternal grandparents are so pissed about it because she was upset.
I need to give some background. I’m adopted.
My bio mother didn’t want to be a parent and I was supposed to be raised by my first dad. But when I was 3 he got sick and after a few months he was told it was terminal.
He didn’t have family, being a former foster kid, my bio mother didn’t want to take me and her family weren’t interested either. So my first dad wanted to find a home for me.
He wanted to be a part of picking the people who would raise me. He wanted to be sure I’d be okay.
So he worked with a social worker and after so many different families he found my parents. They already had three kids, my two sisters and brother, and they were open to fostering or adopting.
They really clicked and dad knew they were people who would give me a good life. All three of my parents grew close before my first dad died.
He made a box of letters, videos and other little things for me, like his watch and that was supposed to keep me connected to him. My parents always let me access that stuff and I kept some of the letters in my room.
18 months ago a few of the letters went missing and I thought I’d lost them. I freaked but my parents had copies.
Then 6 months ago I found my sister (20) destroying the copies. We fought and she admitted she did the same thing before too.
She said she hated that I held onto them so much and clung to that part of my life. She said I was meant to be their son/brother and instead I chased after a dead guy.
I screamed that I wouldn’t exist without that dead guy and if it wasn’t for him, I never would have ended up with him. My parents weren’t home but dad came home to us screaming at each other.
He stepped in and he kicked my sister out when he learned what she’d done. When my mom got home my parents admitted to me that they only ever gave me copies of the letters and stuff and the originals were all kept safe by them.
They said a houseful of kids never felt like the safest place to have them out in the open and copies felt safest. Knowing the original ones my first dad actually wrote and made were still there was the best feeling.
My parents were furious with my sister. I’m still not speaking to her.
They’re still mad but she’s their daughter and I told them they don’t need to stop talking to her too but to please respect I can’t be around her, which they do.
My parents got a lot of crap for letting me stay home but my grandparents also told me how wrong I was. They said I’m not giving my sister a chance to make things right and I should be more understanding given the emotions involved in adoptive families.
They said what I did was worse than what my sister did.
AITA?