AITA for Not Letting My Boyfriend Grieve? Oh Honey, Let’s Get into It!
Alright, darlings, let’s pop open a fresh can of drama juice and sip on the real tea, shall we? Our story today—brace yourselves—is based on a real Reddit post from a real person. Because, let’s be honest, reality is often more scandalous than fiction.
The backstory is this: Our protagonist, who’s 18 weeks pregnant (ahem, big deal), is feeling like a complete truck ran her over. She caught some ghastly bug after visiting the small ER where her boyfriend’s grandpa had just passed away. Yes, we’re talking all the delightful symptoms: body aches, sore throat, and weakness. Like, honey, it’s the works.
Meanwhile, her boyfriend, let’s call him BF, is understandably deep in the throes of grieving. Grandpa has just shuffled off this mortal coil (RIP), and BF’s got a lot on his plate. Totally get it. But here’s where things get juicy.
Our protagonist, feeling more decrepit by the hour, tells her beloved she’s too weak and hungry to drag herself back home. She asks him to help her out just for the night—you know, prop a pillow, fetch some sustenance. He flat-out says he’s too preoccupied with his grief to assist. So, our gal makes the trek home. Heroic, much? I think so.
The CLIFFHANGER!
The plot thickens! The next morning, BF checks in with a spectacularly underwhelming “okay” when she tells him she feels even worse. Then, BF spends the entire day with family, receiving condolences and playing host. Bravo for the emotional support—but where’s the boyfriend support, huh?
Our girl, amid all this, is calling, practically pleading for help to get some real food in her. Chips and cereal are great and all, but they’re hardly gourmet pregnancy cuisine. BF brushes her off, calling her selfish for not considering his grief—a million things on his mind, he says.
After one too many rejections, she CEASES communication. Fair move or petty vengeance? That, my dear readers, is the emotional rollercoaster we’re on. She wants to know: is she the AH for not respecting his grieving process and contemplating the silent treatment?
The UPDATE: Spanners in the Works
Hold everything! This rollercoaster isn’t over. Our lady provides an update, pretty much owning to being deemed the AH by the Reddit jury. She defends her reasons: recent bill payments, groceries stocked at HIS house (ironic, right?), and simply no funds for DoorDash. And for those squawking about friends and family? They’re, let’s just say, not top-tier helpful.
She admits, though, that her plea might have come off as needy. Own it, girl, own it.
Roger’s Take: Drumroll, Please…
So, who’s the AH here? Buckle up, because Roger’s about to dish out some serious real talk.
First off, grief is a bear, no doubt. Losing someone close rips you apart. But here’s a nugget of wisdom: Relationships are about balance. One person’s grief doesn’t negate the other’s needs, especially if she’s housing a future human in her womb.
BF? Should’ve shifted gears to support his sick, pregnant partner at least a smidge. Your grief can coexist with caring; it’s not mutually exclusive. And sweetheart, asking your partner for a morsel of consideration when you’re sick and pregnant isn’t selfish. It’s called, oh, I don’t know, BASIC decency.
But, sweetness, there’s a lesson for you too. Communication needs to fly higher than cryptic calls and silent treatment. If Prince Charming isn’t stepping up, sometimes, you’ve got to spell it out in neon lights. Help. Me. Now.
In the grand theater of Drama-ville, neither gets away scot-free. However, as relationships go, both need to yank their socks up. Honey, you both missed an opportunity to be each other’s knight in shining armor. Try talking it out—preferably before you’re so famished you start munching on phone cords.
There you have it, darlings. A tale of grief, pregnancy cravings, and a dash of relationship SOS.
Original story
Backstory: My boyfriend’s grandpa passed away 4 days ago. When he passed we met all of his family at a small ER to say our goodbyes.
The ER made everyone wear masks. Due to a sickness going around the hospital.
So 2 days ago I started to feel really bad body aches, sore throat etc. Keep in mind I’m 18 weeks pregnant.
I told him how I felt and he basically said he doesn’t want to get sick because his grandpas funeral is coming up. I told him I was feeling weak as well as hungry and didn’t want to drive myself home then be hungry once I got there.
I asked him if he was okay with helping me for the night and I’ll leave in the morning. Basically just bring me some food to the room so I wouldn’t contaminate any other areas of the house.
He told me he had a lot on his mind and wasn’t in the right head space to help me. So I told him I understand and left.
When I got home I made something small to eat then went to sleep. Yesterday morning he calls and checks on me.
I tell him how I feel more sick than when I left. He just says okay.
The rest of the day he has family over until about 3am just offering their condolences and keeping his family company. Around 4pm I called and asked him for help to see if he could bring me something to eat because all I had the strength to get myself were just snacks like chips, cereal.
No real meals and I wanted to make sure I had enough in me for the baby. He basically brushed me off saying he has no idea how he could help and said I was selfish for not thinking about him grieving and how he was stressed and had a million things on his mind.
He also told me that I was being evil because I said he wasn’t helping me at all. After that I just hung up.
He called me at 3am when everyone left to sleep on the phone with me but hung up 20 mins later said he would call back but didn’t. Now I don’t want to speak to him at all.
But don’t want to cause him more stress when he’s already sad about his grandpa.
I want to know if I’m an AH for not respecting his time for grieving. Also would I be an AH for not talking to him today.
I know how It feels to lose your grandpa when you’re so close with him. But at the same time I just asked for a little bit of help and don’t feel like I was asking him for a lot.
Most medications you can’t take during pregnancy because they have bad side effects for the fetus. So I’ve just been waiting It out and he knows that as well.
Update: It’s been decided I am the AH here and that is fine. But for the ones wondering about DoorDash and other options.
I recently just paid my bills and I made groceries for his place since I would be there with him during this time. So unfortunately I cannot afford DoorDash at the moment but that would’ve been my first option.
I didn’t bring any food with me because all of the groceries really have to be cooked besides snacks. Also I know he is grieving and would’ve never said anything but if he was okay enough to do favors for others yesterday he could’ve picked up some food and left It at my door step.
Didn’t even have to come inside. Also I have family and friends but getting them to do things for me is a bit of a challenge and I learned a while ago to stop asking.
It’s really just been me and him caring for one another. But after reading some of your comments I understand how I came off as needy.
Thank You for your responses 🫶🏾🫶🏾
Edit: I speak to my family everyday we are close in that way. I see them every week as well.
No bad blood between us. My friends don’t live close to me to where it’s easy to just drop off food and go.
My parents on the other hand do. But now that I’m an adult and since my other siblings have had children my parents tend to them.
I have two siblings who aren’t in their kids lives atm due to their own faults so my parents step in. When I ask for help where they have to physically do something since I was a kid It was always I’m tired this or I do t feel like going here that.
But when they ask me they feel like im just supposed to do whatever It is they ask. So yea I never call on them first.
I call on my boyfriend we’ve been together 3 years.