Introduction: Pregnant, Hungry, and Alone
Alright, gather ’round, dear readers, because Uncle Roger has a tale to spin. Picture this: You’re 18 weeks pregnant, feeling like you spent the night wrestling a thorny tumbleweed, and craving a hearty meal that won’t turn your stomach. Now, mix in a grieving boyfriend whose grandpa just passed away. This week’s real-life drama unfolds on the glorious grounds of Reddit’s beloved AITA subreddit, and it’s a doozy.
Our protagonist (let’s call her Jane) has her hands—and her belly—full. Jane’s story starts in a small ER where she donned a mask to bid farewell to her boyfriend’s grandpa. But the virus had other plans, and fast forward a couple of days, Jane’s feeling like she’s been hit by a truck.
The BF or ‘The Dude Who Is Pretty Darn Preoccupied’
Jane is no ordinary woman—she’s carrying a bun in the oven while navigating the emotional minefield of her boyfriend’s grief. Enter The Dude (aka her boyfriend). The Dude’s radar for compassion seems to have freakishly vanished. Jane, weak and hungry, asked The Dude to help out one night by bringing her food to her room. Let’s just say, The Dude’s response was a perfect example of déjà-poo: same old crap we’ve seen before. He tells her he’s too mentally occupied to lend a hand. No soup for you, Jane!
Our fierce mom-to-be then makes herself a makeshift meal at home, hoping for a better day tomorrow. But alas, The Dude calls her the next morning offering nothing but the emotional equivalent of a lukewarm handshake. Later that day, she calls for food; he gives her the verbal equivalent of shrugging emoji, accusing her of being selfish and evil for not considering his grief. Grief, meet Selfishness, Selfishness, meet Ultimate Betrayal.
When Hunger and Grief Collide: A Clash of Titans
Let’s break it down. Jane’s pregnant, body aching, likely feverish, hungry AF, and stuck between a rock and a hard place. The Dude and family are lost in a seven-layer dip of grief and casseroles. When Jane called him at 4 PM for nutritional salvation, The Dude essentially puts her on hold until 3 AM—not exactly the next great love story. To add salt to the wound, he tells her she’s evil for claiming he wasn’t helpful. Slow claps all around for The Dude.
So Jane asks Reddit: Is she the jerk for not respecting his grieving process? Or worse, would she be the jerk for ignoring his calls today? Ah, the elephant in the room that nobody wants to clean up poop after. Jane’s been through the loss of a grandparent before—she gets it, but she also gets that the human growing inside her needs sustenance, one way or another.
Reddit Weighs In: Hail the Voices of Reason (or Not)
According to the online oracle, Jane is labeled the AH, the Asshat, take your pick. But let’s add some context here, people. Jane revealed she couldn’t afford luxe delivery services like DoorDash because, drumroll, she spent her money on groceries for both of them. And he could’ve picked up food without texting, “Am I the only one who cares around here?” in chilly all-caps.
She’s not friendless or without family—though getting help from them is like milking a goat in a hurricane. Jane’s dependent on The Dude. They’ve been each other’s rock for three years. Should this interdependence dissolve because The Dude managed to temporarily misplace his man card? Spoiler alert: probably not.
Roger’s Final Verdict: This Soap Opera Needs More Drama
So here’s my two-cents, and trust me, they’re worth way more than that: The Dude’s a bit dense right now—he’s grieving. Jane’s struggling and understandably emotional, so props to her for not turning into a fire-breathing dragon. Both could use a therapy session or twelve, and neither of them are winning gold medals in the empathy Olympics. But honestly? Jane’s growing a human inside her and dealing with BS of peak proportion. She deserves a hero sandwich, if not a hero.
It’s high time for The Dude to realize that women, especially pregnant ones, aren’t just some background players in the Netflix Original of his grief. They have scenes to steal, roles to play, and stomachs to fill. So next time maybe, just maybe, remember one rule: Happy pregnant partner, happy life—or something like that.
Don’t fret, Jane. Just grab a blanket, take a breather, and remind The Dude that a little extra effort won’t kill his grief, but it will save his relationship.
Original story
Backstory: My boyfriend’s grandpa passed away 4 days ago. When he passed we met all of his family at a small ER to say our goodbyes.
The ER made everyone wear masks. Due to a sickness going around the hospital.
So 2 days ago I started to feel really bad body aches, sore throat etc. Keep in mind I’m 18 weeks pregnant.
I told him how I felt and he basically said he doesn’t want to get sick because his grandpas funeral is coming up. I told him I was feeling weak as well as hungry and didn’t want to drive myself home then be hungry once I got there.
I asked him if he was okay with helping me for the night and I’ll leave in the morning. Basically just bring me some food to the room so I wouldn’t contaminate any other areas of the house.
He told me he had a lot on his mind and wasn’t in the right head space to help me. So I told him I understand and left.
When I got home I made something small to eat then went to sleep. Yesterday morning he calls and checks on me.
I tell him how I feel more sick than when I left. He just says okay.
The rest of the day he has family over until about 3am just offering their condolences and keeping his family company. Around 4pm I called and asked him for help to see if he could bring me something to eat because all I had the strength to get myself were just snacks like chips, cereal.
No real meals and I wanted to make sure I had enough in me for the baby. He basically brushed me off saying he has no idea how he could help and said I was selfish for not thinking about him grieving and how he was stressed and had a million things on his mind.
He also told me that I was being evil because I said he wasn’t helping me at all. After that I just hung up.
He called me at 3am when everyone left to sleep on the phone with me but hung up 20 mins later said he would call back but didn’t. Now I don’t want to speak to him at all.
But don’t want to cause him more stress when he’s already sad about his grandpa.
I want to know if I’m an AH for not respecting his time for grieving. Also would I be an AH for not talking to him today.
I know how It feels to lose your grandpa when you’re so close with him. But at the same time I just asked for a little bit of help and don’t feel like I was asking him for a lot.
Most medications you can’t take during pregnancy because they have bad side effects for the fetus. So I’ve just been waiting It out and he knows that as well.
Update: It’s been decided I am the AH here and that is fine. But for the ones wondering about DoorDash and other options.
I recently just paid my bills and I made groceries for his place since I would be there with him during this time. So unfortunately I cannot afford DoorDash at the moment but that would’ve been my first option.
I didn’t bring any food with me because all of the groceries really have to be cooked besides snacks. Also I know he is grieving and would’ve never said anything but if he was okay enough to do favors for others yesterday he could’ve picked up some food and left It at my door step.
Didn’t even have to come inside. Also I have family and friends but getting them to do things for me is a bit of a challenge and I learned a while ago to stop asking.
It’s really just been me and him caring for one another. But after reading some of your comments I understand how I came off as needy.
Thank You for your responses 🫶🏾🫶🏾
Edit: I speak to my family everyday we are close in that way. I see them every week as well.
No bad blood between us. My friends don’t live close to me to where it’s easy to just drop off food and go.
My parents on the other hand do. But now that I’m an adult and since my other siblings have had children my parents tend to them.
I have two siblings who aren’t in their kids lives atm due to their own faults so my parents step in. When I ask for help where they have to physically do something since I was a kid It was always I’m tired this or I do t feel like going here that.
But when they ask me they feel like im just supposed to do whatever It is they ask. So yea I never call on them first.
I call on my boyfriend we’ve been together 3 years.