AITA for Reminding My Ex I’m Only Responsible for Our Children and Not All His Kids?
Oh honey, grab your popcorn because this story is juicier than a gossip column at a high school reunion. Based on a true Reddit post by a real person, let’s dive right into this soap opera. Spoiler alert: Drama with a capital D.
Here’s the cast: The ex-husband (let’s call him Jack, 40M), the ex-wife (our leading lady, 35F), and their two delightful progeny (12M and 11M).
Now, Jack and our heroine decided to sign the divorce papers about a decade ago. Why? Because Jack, circa her second pregnancy, decided to morph into Peter Pan, but minus the charm and with a lot more irresponsibility. Parties, friends, and basically acting like an overgrown frat boy became his full-time gig. His friends even treated our heroine like she was the designated mom taxi. Cringe.
The Custody Shuffle
So, our leading lady headed for Splitsville. Jack, ever the optimist, fought for 50% custody, but the judge, living in the realm of reality, granted him every other weekend, two weeks in summer, plus alternating holidays. Jack eventually stepped up his dad game and finally scored that coveted 50% custody. Mazel tov!
Then, plot twist! Jack discovered he had a third kid from another woman. Guess he took the ‘Gotta catch ’em all’ parenting approach a bit too literally. Suddenly, Jack had full custody of this child, and it was time for him to adult. Fast forward, Jack met Wife 2.0, popped out two more kids, and found himself partially supporting two additional children from Wife’s past. Sound confusing? Just like an episode of “Keeping Up with Jack’s Kids.”
The Co-Parenting Conundrum
Here’s where things get spicy. As Jack’s new marriage hit turbulence, he began treating our heroine as though she was the universal co-parent for his entire brood. Picture this: dropping the other kids at custody exchanges, asking her to babysit (um, no), and suggesting she share their boys’ hand-me-downs for his other kids. The audacity, darling!
When requests escalated to back-to-school supplies for all five kids, our heroine put her (designer, metaphorical) foot down. She reminded him that she was responsible for just their two boys, and Jack’s wallet needed to handle the rest. Cue Jack arguing that finances are tight. But our heroine shot back with, “His children are not my problem.” Mic drop.
What a Co-Parenting Pro?
Jack the Dreamer reckons co-parenting means our leading lady should morph into Mother Teresa for all five kids. But she coldly (and rightfully) points out her motherly duties extend to just the two children they share. Jack’s final tear-jerking plea? He claims she should be ‘part of the community’ and that her distance is, *gasp*, cold. Honey, if reality checks are cold, call her Elsa because she’s frozen solid and fabulous.
Sassy Roger’s Take
Alright, folks, let me throw on my snarky hat for a hot second. Clearly, Jack’s expectations are beyond delusional. Just because our leading lady shared matrimonial bliss and two kids with him doesn’t make her the default fairy godmother for all his offspring. Jack’s misunderstanding of ‘co-parenting’ is rich. He’s just conveniently looking for a free ride on the childcare express.
Dear Jack, here’s a golden nugget of advice: Get a grip, and maybe a better job. You can’t rely on your ex to bail you out. Your financial mismanagement and prolific parentage are your circus and your monkeys. To our heroine: keep those boundaries up, girl. Professor McGonagall would approve.
At the end of this wild saga, it’s crystal clear—our leading lady is NTA (Not The A**hole). Jack, on the other hand, might want to revisit his fairy tales. This isn’t Neverland, and refusing to grow up gets you nothing but rolled eyes and a heavy dose of reality.
Original story
My ex-husband (40M) and I (35F) have two children together (12,11M). We divorced about 10 years ago now because I feel like he regressed as a husband and a father during my second pregnancy and he was even worse when our younger son was born.
He was acting like a high school or college kid or a single 20 something with no kids. He spent more time with friends than with us.
His friends were also treating me more like his mom and expecting me to pick him up from their houses when they needed to get on with stuff.
He fought for 50% custody of our kids which he wasn’t given and for the first two or three years he had every other weekend and a two week period during the summer with them as well as alternating holidays. He started being more involved and eventually he did get 50% custody.
It was at that time I found out he got some woman pregnant and he realized with three kids he needed to get his act together. He ended up with full custody of his third child.
Then he met his wife. They have two more children together now.
There are two kids in her life, but I don’t believe they’re her biological children anyway, who she is also partially supporting. Those two kids don’t live with them but apparently she/they pay for stuff for this child.
Ex and I started getting along better but then his marriage was rocky. As his marriage worsened he started treating me like a co-parent to all his kids.
He’d bring his other children to custody exchanges and expecting interactions between me and his other children. Then it was requests to babysit for him and his wife, which I never did.
Then it was comments about our boys old clothes at my house being sent to his house for his other kids and how we needed to make sure they had adequate clothing. I told him there was no we in that and he said of course there is, we’re co-parents.
I said of our two sure, but not his other kids. It was requests for me to have his children in my home or to take them out to eat with me and our kids.
And finally it has turned into back to school craziness. I bought supplies for the boys and he told me I hadn’t bought nearly enough for everyone.
I was like hold up, what’s that supposed to mean and he pointed out that what I bought wouldn’t be possible to share evenly between all five children. I told him we don’t have five children, we have two, the two I bought those for.
I told him I am responsible for our children not his three others. I told him he has a wife, they share two of those children, the other is in their home, so it’s up to them.
He told me that I know they don’t have a lot of money and I cut him off and told him that still didn’t make his children my problem. He said I can’t possibly take care of just two of them, not when we’re co-parenting and all five kids live together 50% of the time.
He said I should be a part of the community to help raise these kids and keeping my distance like I do is so dang cold.
AITA?