Daddy Drama: Why I Banned My Toxic Father from My Wedding
Ah, weddings. A fabulous celebration of love, unity, and a prime stage for top-tier family drama. And believe you me, I’ve got a story that will make your hair curl. Picture it: a beautiful bride, a loyal sister, a defiant mother, and a father who’s the physical embodiment of ‘The Grinch Who Stole Happiness.’ But hey, let’s dig deep, shall we?
The Set-Up
Alright, sweeties, gather ’round because we’re diving into a Reddit saga that’s juicier than a ripe watermelon in July. Here’s our star, a 26-year-old bride-to-be. Let’s call her Lucy. Lucy’s journey to the altar wasn’t paved with rose petals and cupcakes; it’s riddled with the haunting shadows of a father who’s as charming as a scorpion in your shoe.
Lucy, along with her sister (let’s dub her Sarah), has had a life filled with more horror stories than a Stephen King novel. Daddy dearest, a delightful 66-year-old man-child, has been abusive in every terrifying sense of the word—physically, emotionally, financially, sexually—you name it. And thanks to their gaslighting parents, Lucy and Sarah grew up thinking this was ‘normal’.
Thank heavens for therapy, right? Lucy and Sarah were diagnosed with cPTSD and are finally wrangling with their trauma in more productive ways than, say, a margarita and a 90s chick flick. It’s a start, at least.
The Family Pressure Cooker
Hold on tight because Lucy’s mom (a resilient 64-year-old) also endured Satan’s antics long enough to see both daughters off to college and then swiftly chose a detour called Divorce Ville. But here’s the twist: Mama Bear is now pushing for Lucy to invite dear ol’ Dad to the wedding. You know, because ‘he’s your father no matter what’ and ‘that’s just how he is’.
Oh really? Was Mommy Dearest under the impression that inviting an abuser to one’s wedding is the hallmark of family values? I mean, does Hallmark have a card for ‘Congrats on Your Nuptials, Please Ignore the Trauma’? Asking for a friend.
Lucy initially agreed to begrudgingly extend an olive branch (more twig than branch) by inviting him as a guest with zero fatherly roles. But my friends, the plot thickens.
Mortal Combats and Misbehaviors
Fast forward to recent events that could make your blood boil faster than a lobster in a seafood pot. A month ago, the sisters find themselves at a family funeral where the infamous patri-demon decides to show up. By now, Lucy is perfecting the art of avoiding him, but Sarah? Oh dear Sarah. During the family procession, this monster decides to publicly shame her by loudly instructing her to ‘put those away’—referencing her fully respectable dress. Class act, right?
But wait, there’s more. Not content with mental torture alone, Daddy Grim Reaper found a way to belittle Sarah further. A few days ago, he dropped by their childhood residence and awoke Sarah by grabbing and shaking her—you guessed it—ass cheeks. Because obviously, nothing screams ‘fatherly love’ more than creepy non-consensual groping. Was he trying for ‘Father of the Year’? Because if so, he won it in Opposite Land.
The Decision D-Day
Fueled by these recent grotesque reminders of her father’s ways, Lucy made an irrevocable decision: No dad at the wedding. Done. Finito. History. And oh, she let Mommy Sunshine know exactly how disgustingly unacceptable her father’s behavior was, putting an emphatic foot down. Girlfriend deserves a standing ovation.
Mom, predictably, attempted to diplomatically smooth things over, probably with a handbook titled, ‘How to Excuse Abusers for Dummies’. But Lucy, armed with common sense and a backbone of steel, stood firm. “You’ll regret this later,” mom said. Yeah, and snakes might fly out of my boots, but let’s cross that bridge when we get to it.
Roger’s Ravishing Verdict
So, here’s my two-cents’ worth. Lucy, my dear, you are absolutely right to omit your father from your wedding guest list. This isn’t just a celebration; it’s your safe space, a sanctuary of love and positivity. The very idea of having a history textbook of trauma walking around in a suit adding more pages to it? No thanks!
To those playing devil’s advocate, suggesting she’ll regret it—please—stop. Because what’s one day of potential regret against a lifetime of unwavering trauma? Lucy has enough to juggle, from PTSD recovery to wedding preparations. The last thing she—or Sarah— needs is a callous reality check from someone who clearly doesn’t comprehend boundaries.
So Lucy, rock that wedding, and may your father experience FOMO from the comfort of his sad, lonely abode. Or better yet, may he get therapy. The ‘orchids’ you’ve had to deal with? You’re an oak. Stand tall.
In other words, you’ve got this, girl.
Original story
I (26 F) am getting married this October and it’s approaching fast. My sister (22 F) is my maid of honor and is so excited for the wedding, but with some reservations.
Our father (66 M) has been abusive our entire lives (physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, sexually) and it’s something I’m still trying to accept since my parents were gaslighting us into thinking it’s normal and that’s how all families are. My sister and I were recently diagnosed with cPTSD and we are both in therapy and working through our trauma.
My mother (64 F) waited until my sister and I were both in college to divorce my father since he was abusive towards her as well, both physically, emotionally, and mentally. She is really pushing me to invite my dad to the wedding and saying stuff like “he’s your father no matter what”, “that’s just how he is”, “he’d be heartbroken if he wasn’t there”, and basically just making up tons of excuses for his behavior and invalidating both my sister and my trauma that we experienced.
Granted I started distancing myself from him senior year of high school and about two years ago I cut contact completely and stopped going to family holidays where he is. My sister is similar where she cut contact awhile back too.
Both my fiance and my families are both huge and to accommodate everyone we need a venue with a large capacity for guests. Of course it’s a country club and super expensive and my mother is generously paying for it and my dad is insisting on paying for it too.
After a lot of debate and push back from my mother, I decided to invite my dad as a guest and he would have no father role in any wedding activities. It was the best compromise I could come up with.
In light of recent events, I have changed my mind.
First instance: a month ago my sister and I went back to our home town for a funeral for one of my mother’s brothers. My dad showed up to support her and it was the first time I’d seen him in 2+ years in person or talked to him.
I was basically deer in the headlights and trying to avoid him but also support my mother. My sister had it worse there though.
She was going through the family procession line and he was following right behind her. While she was giving condolences to our cousins he leaned over to her, looked down at her breasts, and said “put those away”.
It was loud enough that our cousins heard and stared wide eyed at my sister. Her dress was not revealing, and she was mortified.
My mother’s response to this a few weeks after the event: “that’s just how he is”.
A few days ago my sister told me that our dad stopped at our childhood house to pick up some things since he still has some stuff in the house from before the divorce. She is currently staying in her childhood bedroom on her summer break from college.
She was dead asleep and he entered her room, grabbed both her ass cheeks and started shaking them and laughing to wake her up. Then he kissed her on the cheek and left the room.
She froze and it took her a day to process what happened.
Her telling me this shocked me and she also told me she hasn’t picked out her bridesmaid dress yet because she is afraid of how much cleavage to show and the neckline of dresses so she doesn’t get sexually harassed at my wedding.
I am livid for her and decided that in no way is he welcome at my wedding. I do not want my sister to worry about stuff like that and it is so fucked up that she has to think that way.
Not only that but I am not comfortable around him and do not want to worry about him doing stuff like that at my wedding or harassing my sister and bridesmaids.
My mother called me last night and tried to defend his actions and make excuses for the incident. I went off on her completely when she asked me “well were the covers on or off her?
”. I put my foot down and told her he is not coming to my wedding and I’m going to send him a message today making it clear.
She’s was speechless last night when I stood up for my sister, but today she might try to talk me into inviting him and how “I’ll regret it later in life.” I really don’t think I will.
AITA for standing firm on this and not inviting my dad to the wedding ?