A Dress Shopping Dilemma: When Inclusivity Takes a Detour
Ah, weddings. Those dreamy, stress-filled events where love is celebrated, and friendships are tested. But let’s cut to the chase, my lovelies. This tale comes straight from the endless scroll of Reddit, where a bride-to-be opens a glamorous can of worms simply by not inviting one of her friends to her wedding dress shopping spree. Buckle up, darlings; this story’s got more layers than a wedding cake.
The Backstory: A Bumpy Road
Our protagonist here is a 27-year-old bride, newly engaged and understandably on cloud nine. She’s all set to tie the knot with her boyfriend of 10 years this August. A prompt planner, she decides to hit the bridal boutiques a week after getting engaged. She invited her bridesmaids—consisting of her sister, cousin, a close friend named Amanda, and her mom. Oh, and let’s not forget the twist—failing to invite Logan, a non-binary friend who’s recently been a bit more “extra” than usual.
Friendship on the Rocks
Now, Logan, who identifies as non-binary, and our bride go way back. But lately, Logan has been a constant critic, from calling our bride a “normie” for her music tastes (excuse you, how dare you hate on Ghost) to nitpicking every little thing she says. Why? Who knows, and honestly, who cares? Needless to say, this put a damper on what should’ve been a joyful celebration.
Minus the invitation, Logan surely had some thoughts. They sent a pontificating text expressing their hurt for not being invited. Woe is them, right? They even dragged Amanda into it, who supposedly said the event was “girls only” (even though our bride never uttered such nonsense).
The Fallout: Tears, Trauma, and Therapy
Our bride, who’s already in therapy working through childhood trauma, was reduced to tears. The nerve! Her happy day shattered by Logan’s self-centered drama. I mean, why turn someone’s joyous moment into an emotional ambush?
This meltdown catapulted our bride into a whirlwind of guilt and anger. After all, how dare Logan assume the worst intentions behind the absence of an invite? Ah, but let’s not forget, Logan and Amanda often hang out sans our bride. Pretty hypocritical, wouldn’t you agree?
The Internet Weighs In
Reddit’s sharp tongues had their say, and the collective verdict was a reality-check for our bride. Most readers pointed out how Logan’s behavior had gradually escalated to this point. They offered validation, likening Logan’s antics to high school drama (honey, it’s time to grow up).
The bride decided to potentially cut ties with Logan and even Amanda. Good for her, I say! With this much baggage, this “friendship” was sinking faster than a lead balloon.
Roger’s Reflections: Opinions Served Sassy
Alright darlings, let’s spill some tea. The bride is not the villain of this story. Logan dropped the ball, transforming what should’ve been a joyful dress shopping into a melodramatic theater worthy of an off-Broadway production. Tossing out baseless accusations and dragging others into the quicksand? Messy, just plain messy.
Respecting friends’ identities is crucial, but a wedding is about celebrating the couple, not inflating one’s fragile ego. The universe doesn’t revolve around Logan and their omnipresent trauma-ometer. Our bride deserves a standing ovation—not a guilt trip— for being considerate of Logan’s feelings yet wise enough to safeguard her own happiness.
Memo to Logan: Being a good friend means stepping out of your own shoes and understanding someone else’s journey sans judgment. And to our bride: May your wedding day be as fabulous and drama-free as possible. After all, life’s too short to waste on guilt trips and ‘friends’ who don’t clap when you’re winning.
Original story
Hi all, I (27F) just got engaged to my partner (28M) – we’ve been together for 10 yrs and are getting married in 4 months when this happened. This August 🙂
I was ecstatic, obviously! And we wanted the wedding to happen fast.
So a week after being proposed to I wanted to start dress shopping. I invited my bridesmaids (my sister, my cousin, and a close friend Amanda (33F)) as well as my mom to come with me.
Now, I do have another friend (35 N) who we’ll call Logan, and they are non-binary. They have made it clear multiple times that they don’t like feminine activities, weddings, and the heteronormative nature of weddings.
I’m bisexual but marrying a man, for reference. There is A LOT of background to this, so I’m going to try to be brief.
This friendship with Logan is already on the fritz.
Logan has also poked fun at me several times for being a “normie”, and liking “normie” music (like the band Ghost) and laughed at me for having a Ghost pin on my jacket, and participating in these things that are straight coded. Which, ok, whatever.
There are other things that Logan has started to do recently before the proposal where they correct little things I say, often and over tiny things. To a point where I’m just not comfortable anymore.
I have a lot of family trauma where I was always put down and told I was wrong no matter how hard I tried to do the right thing or had the knowledge of, and I’ve told Logan this before. Basically, they’re just triggering me every time we hang out now.
For some reason recently they have just upped the frequency of the corrections and it’s really messing with me. And I’m in therapy to try to resolve this trauma from my family and have been for the past year and have been making great progress!
I’ve told my therapist about this situation with Logan recently and she doesn’t like what’s happening, but idk I feel like Logan isn’t doing it maliciously? Idk.
Logan has also dismissed my bisexuality several times before. To add, I never saw dress shopping as a super important event (until I experienced it I will admit it’s really heartfelt).
So, with everything I mentioned before compounded I didn’t think to invite Logan. It just seemed like it’d be a bad time for them, and then to potentially be misgendered throughout it from my mom (working on it with her), just didn’t seem like a good time.
On the day of my dress shopping, Logan sent a long text about how they were hurt that they didn’t get invited, and that Amanda told them I didn’t invite them because it was “girls only” (I never said this??
Which I’m also confused about), and that they were disappointed in me that Logan’s gender was a cut-off for me. And then told me they wouldn’t be replying for the rest of the day.
So I got home and just burst into tears. One of my top biggest fears is being close-minded and hurting people, which is exactly what this situation was to Logan.
And what’s worse is they told me that they told their friends about the dress shopping situation and the friends agreed that I was awful. I immediately just started apologizing.
But the next day I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and I started getting mad. How is it fair for Logan to use the day of my dress shopping to let this out?
Why did they assume I was being bigoted before even asking me about it? Why did they take Amanda’s “joke” and think it came out of my mouth?
What gives them the right to make me think of THEM on a day where I was truly happy and surrounded by love and make it a day where I just feel awful? I’m tired of being walked on.
And, also, Logan and Amanda will hang out with each other often and not invite me! They have frequent dinners with each other and never extend an invite to me, so I didn’t think this would be a big deal to not extend an invite to Logan.
This is the only time I’ve never invited Logan to something.
I admit it was wrong of me to not invite them, but I truly truly just didn’t think about it since this just seemed like an event that checked every box of a bad time for Logan. Idk.
I’m just upset and confused and my mental illness is convincing me that I’m an awful narcissistic person for thinking all of these things. I just need help outside of my therapist since I’ve heard her take already.
——-EDIT 1 to add a couple of things:
-all names and ages are fake.
-TLDR: I didn’t think to invite Logan because they have voiced several times how they don’t like marriage or the things surrounding it, and feminine things and activities make them feel dysphoric, and my mom would potentially misgender them, which Logan has also said that misgendering is hurtful to them even if they are corrected (which is true and I get that!)
-I wrote this in the heat of the moment when I was very upset, so if things are phrased weirdly or randomly, that’s why.
——— EDIT 2:
The feedback on this has been so helpful and there are so many responses!!
I just want you all to know that even if I didn’t reply to your comment I read it and it means a lot.
Someone made a good point that this behavior probably started out slow and is now at this extreme point, which is why I think I’m so upset over it all. I think just typing it out and looking back/reading what I wrote now that I’m out of that crazy headspace has been helpful.
I’m like, girl, are you listening to yourself?!
! This is not healthy and you would never make fun of someone for their interests!
And also we’re literally adults… Why the high school behavior??
So, thank you to everyone who kind of opened my eyes and shook me to see how this is crazy behavior. I’m hoping to cut contact and to probably space myself from Amanda too.
If there are any interesting updates I’ll add them for anyone who is interested.
——- EDIT 3:
Please do NOT take this as an opportunity to be transphobic!!
!