Introduction
Oh, darlings! Gather ’round because you won’t believe this trip down mother-daughter dysfunction junction we’ve got today. We all know Reddit, that eternal cauldron of human drama and wisdom—this is based on a real post from a thirty-year-old mom-to-be wrestling with, you guessed it, her own mother from the twilight zone.
The Backstory: More Dysfunction Than Daytime TV
Our expecting heroine, a 30-year-old first-time mom, is already prepping for her inaugural venture into sleepless nights and diaper explosions. Like many soon-to-be-moms, she thought, “Hey, why not invite my mom to stay after the baby is born?” Who wouldn’t want their childhood caretaker around for a bit of postpartum support?
Well, buckle up. Her mother, a 54-year-old with a track record of ruining holidays, family get-togethers, and probably a good many birthdays, has returned to her usual antics. She’s someone with a diploma in being a hot mess. Think codependency issues, pathological jealousy, and the emotional maturity of a popcorn kernel—all rolled into one delightful package.
The Latest Drama: Grandma Got Run Over by a Bratty Mom
Here’s the latest episode in this endless telenovela. Our mom-to-be suggested her grandmother (i.e., her mother’s mom) visit towards the end of her mom’s stay. You know, for a wholesome three-generations-in-one-photo moment she could cherish and perhaps post on Instagram with an overdose of baby emojis.
Did her mom gracefully accept? Ha! As if. This woman flipped out like Gordon Ramsay finding a hair in his soup. Suddenly, her mom had a lengthy Oscar-worthy explanation about how grandma is basically the devil incarnate and how detrimental it would be to her “codependency recovery”—whatever that means.
Email Shenanigans and Sabotage
But oh, it gets better. Our scandalous mother didn’t stop there. No, she sent a melodramatic email to further push her narrative. As if our new mom lacks enough drama with swollen feet, heartburn, and the emotional rollercoaster that is pregnancy. And then—wait for it—she called grandma to undermine her daughter’s basic right to family cohesion. Bless her heart! (And by ‘bless,’ I mean can we bless her with some therapy, please?)
Grandma’s Side: Blissfully Unaware
Enter Grandma. Lovely, innocent Grandma who probably just wants to knit little booties and spoil her forthcoming great-grandchild. When our mom-to-be checks in with her, Grandma is utterly clueless about this supposed abusive past. Now she’s so uncomfortable she’s considering bowing out of the visit altogether. Grandma, honey, we feel for you.
What Should Our Heroine Do? A Pep Talk from Roger
So here we are—mama bear has to confront her immature, chaos-loving mother and make it clear that tantrums and family sabotage won’t be tolerated. But how does she lay down the law without setting off a tantrum that’d rival any toddler in the cereal aisle?
First things first: set some ground rules. Momma-dearest needs to understand that this isn’t her show. It’s not even a two-woman play. This is about the baby and the new mom’s needs—full stop. Anyone who pulls stunts like contacting other family members to undermine you needs to get this message loud and clear.
“Mom, you either get on board with this family unity or there’s the door.” It’s time to be unequivocal about boundaries. Reiterate how important it is for you to have everyone’s support, and if she can’t coexist with Grandma for a few days, then maybe it’s time for her to exit stage left.
Conclusion: Roger’s Hot Take
Here’s my unsolicited yet awfully delightful opinion. Let’s cut through the drama with the swiftness of a hot knife through butter. Darling, your mom isn’t bringing anything but stress and chaos, and you’ve got enough plates spinning without adding her antics into the mix. Tell her to check her ego at the door or check herself out of your plans.
Nobody has time for a grown woman behaving like a toddler during one of life’s most precious moments. Prioritize your sanity, your baby, and that sweet photo op you deserve. Some people need to be loved from a distance—and honey, your mom might just be one of them.
Till next time, darlings—stay fabulous and drama-free!
Original story
My mom (54F) is ruining my (30F) plans for celebrating my baby’s birth -wwyd?
I am having my first baby this Fall. I invited my mom to come stay with me after the baby is born.
We have a long predominantly negative history where she was abusive and neglectful when I was a kid, and even into adulthood she has frequently been abusive (stealing, causing issues, being mean on purpose). She has codependency problems, is divorced, and suffers with feelings of jealousy and envy when she sees people more successful than her.
I reached out to her to try and rebuild a relationship when I fell pregnant. It’s been pretty 50/50 on the good and bad.
The bad has mostly been inconsiderations or annoyances, nothing major. Until now.
I suggested my grandma could visit toward the end of my mom’s visit at my house so we can all have a photo together. My mom immediately started saying she didn’t feel that would work out for her and at most maybe she could handle being around grandma for 2 days.
🤨
So I asked her to explain herself. She went into this really long exaggerated explanation saying grandma is full of rage and her abuser.
This is a lie, grandma is not like this. After I thought the conversation had ended, my mom sent me an email trying to convince me further that all this actually happened and it is bad for her codependency recovery to be in this situation.
Than, she self imploded further by calling my grandma the next morning to try and undermine me and my decision making.
After I spoke to my grandma, my grandma has no idea wtf my mom is talking about and at this point is too uncomfortable to visit while mom is here. Here’s where I need advice.
What should I do about my mom’s behavior? Me and her will have a call this weekend, and I need her to understand she can’t throw a tantrum and get her way.
Suggestions?
Edit: It is never a failing of character to try something difficult. Trying to confront, overcome, and reestablish a relationship takes courage.
My baby still has several months to go before birth. I decided months ago I needed to know once and for all if my mom could be around.
She is the way she is because my sister died in an accident at age 4 and she married a narcissist and had a codependent relationship.
I have pity on her. Enough to extend a chance to change, but not so much that I’d like to fall victim to her.
She was doing OK until this recent problem. I had a trial run with her 4 weeks ago, where she stayed with me for 4 nights.
Not giving her excuses, but trying to explain further why a chance to change was given and an offer to stay after the birth was extended. Thank you.