Dear Reddit, Am I the A**hole for Refusing to Be a Dad to My Siblings?
Gather around, dear readers, for this tale straight from the ever-entertaining realm of Reddit. It’s a saga of parental absenteeism, sibling codependence, and a dash of boundary-pushing. So grab some popcorn, because Saint Roger is about to dive into this cesspool of family drama.
Once Upon a Time, in a Family Far Too Familiar…
Picture this: our protagonist (22M) is the eldest of four kids. His parents became parents at the tender age of 19 (sweet summer children, weren’t they?). Initially, he was the lone ranger for about six blissful years. But then came the reinforcements—three younger siblings who seemed to pop out one after the other like an over-generous Pez dispenser: now aged 16, 15, and 14.
Our hero’s parents were, let’s say, the laissez-faire types when it came to parenting. They apparently thought they’d hit the jackpot with their firstborn because they practically outsourced their responsibilities to poor, unwitting Young Hagrid. Need food? Ask Bro. Homework help? Bro’s got you. Chores? Money? Emotional support? You guessed it—Big Bro’s the go-to. You see, the parents had it all figured out: why be the parent when you can draft your first child into service?
When the Parental Units Are Absent
The parents handled the basics: sustenance, shelter, and the occasional “God bless you” sneeze acknowledgment. The rest was up to Junior/Super Nanny. To add insult to childhood injury, our knight in shining hand-me-downs got birthdays reminiscent of an Ebenezer Scrooge experience. Think: gifts that scream ‘necessity’ rather than ‘yay!’ like socks, underwear, and hygiene products. Meanwhile, the younger ones had blowout celebrations straight out of MTV’s Sweet 16.
By the blessed age of 15, Young Hagrid had had enough and raised the subject with his oh-so-busy parents. They had the nerve to chalk it up to their youth (19 is practically Methuselah in parenting years, didn’t you know?) and limited means when he was a kid. Apparently, by the time the youngest trio arrived, they had transformed into the Martha Stewarts of parenthood.
The Drive to Freedom (Well, Kind Of)
Fast forward a bit, our protagonist learns to drive and takes up a job. But instead of freedom, he’s slapped with more responsibilities. His siblings now request chauffeur services, handouts, and all sorts of errands—as if he had a flashing neon ‘Dad’ sign over his head. Ah, teen years: when getting your driver’s license somehow means you’ve magically aged into parenthood.
The younger sibling even asked him to be a chaperone on a field trip. Imagine being 16 and getting that call—to be the adult responsible for kids whose diapers you metaphorically (and maybe literally) used to change.
Feeling suffocated, Big Bro finally gets a lifeline when his girlfriend’s family offers him a safe harbor. Breaking free from the family clutches, he attempts to set boundaries and maintain distance. But his siblings? Oh, they dial up the dramatics—a festival of tears, guilt-tripping, and demands, as if he’d abandoned them in the wilds of parental neglect.
A Clash of Titans (Or Siblings)
With his siblings hitting their teenage years, our protagonist tries to talk it out, but they hit him with, “You’re supposed to do these things because you’re basically our dad.” Cue an epic facepalm, people. He snaps and lays it out clear: firm, angry, and sassy—the trifecta of confrontational finesse. A thunderous “I’m not your dad!” shakes the family dynamics, leading to accusations of assholery from the younger brigade. They think he should relish the role of Pseudo Papa.
So, dear readers, does our noble protagonist really deserve this backlash?
Roger’s Sass-Infused Verdict
Allow me to polish my sassy crown before I deliver the final verdict. Drums, please. Not the A**hole! Look, being an older sibling inherently comes with some responsibilities, but he was drafted into a lifetime sentence of unpaid, underappreciated parenthood. He’s not Anakin Skywalker—destined to bring balance to the parenting universe. The lad needs to live his own life. A family meeting with adult supervision (aka actual parents) might be tantamount.
In closing, a Memo to Parents: Recruitment Drive for Unwilling Child-parents is Over. Get with the program. And to our warrior in the trenches: Happy early Father’s Day, darling. May you never have to babysit, cook, clean, or chaperone again—unless, of course, you choose to.💁
Original story
My parents had me (22m) at 19 and I was an only child for 6 years. Then they had three kids back to back who are now 16, 15 and 14.
My parents were never the most attentive parents but did a better job with my younger siblings than they did with me. But at some point while my siblings were still really young they started to come to me like I was an adult instead of mom or dad and mom and dad let it happen.
They were still there but my siblings would ask me to make them food or they’d ask me for money (I had none back then) or they’d want me to help with homework or they’d come to me if they struggled to do their chores. It got annoying very quickly and I asked my parents to do step in so I wasn’t always saying no or having a sibling throw a tantrum because I wasn’t acting more like an adult in the house who was there to do stuff for them.
My parents were there for the basics and if my siblings didn’t come to me, they’d deal with stuff, but otherwise they seemed glad to not have to deal with all the parenting. They still weren’t as good with me as my siblings either.
It was things like prioritizing supporting my siblings instead of me, or making a big effort for their birthdays but not mine. Christmas was another time it was super obvious because my siblings got gifts they wanted and I got needed stuff like hygiene products and socks and underwear.
I brought it up to my parents when I was 15 and they used the excuse that they had me at 19 so they just didn’t know how to connect with me the same and didn’t have the means to provide for me like they did my siblings.
When I learned how to drive and started working my siblings relying on me got worse. They wanted me to drive them places, give them money, they wanted me to take them to school and pick them up, they would expect me to buy birthday gifts for their friends and take them shopping for that stuff.
My youngest sibling even asked me to be a parent chaperone on field trip when I was only 16. It was suffocating and my siblings could not be spoken to about it.
They just wanted me to be the dad. They even called me dad sometimes.
I was desperate to get out and Covid almost fucked it up but I was lucky my girlfriends family let me move in with them. Once I left I tried to better enforce my boundaries and created distance but they still wanted me there and they’d cry down the phone about me leaving and not being there for stuff.
Now that my siblings are teens I tried to talk to them about it again but my sister (16) said I had to do these things because I’m supposed to. I asked her why I was supposed to and she said because you’re basically our dad.
My brothers agreed. I admit it pissed me off and I told them in a firm and angry tone that I am not their dad and they need to stop acting like I’m their parent because I’m their sibling, the oldest sure, but I’m not their parent and I’m not responsible for them.
They said I was an ass and I should like taking care of them.
AITA?