Introduction: Of Cats and Conundrums
Gather ’round, my fabulous readers, for I have a tale based on a gloriously real Reddit post. It’s a saga that includes cooking, social media shade, and—brace yourselves—a cat. Yes, the majestic, aloof creatures that rule the internet and, coincidentally, my very heart. This isn’t just any story, though. It’s a tale of drama, cookware envy, and one friend’s borderline addiction to regurgitated social media truisms. Grab your tea or coffee, because this is one hot, sassy mess.
Who Let the Cat (And Drama) Out?
Picture it: You’re having a culinary zen moment, your cat sitting NEXT TO your counter—on his own stool, mind you—keeping you company as you whip up some kitchen magic. You decide to capture this picturesque snippet of your life and share it on Instagram. Cue the innocent joy of social media interaction, right? Wrong. Enter Rose, your “friend” who responds not with a like or a kind comment, but with a repost of your photo captioned with a puke face emoji and the sanctimonious proclamation: “You can’t eat everybody house.” Ah, isn’t she just a delight?
For those not fluent in the language of passive-aggressiveness, let me translate: Rose thinks your home, blessed with the presence of a cat, is a biohazard. The drama! The audacity! The utter lack of feline appreciation!
Raisin Cookies and ‘Hot Girl’ Walks
So, Rose, it turns out, is a living, breathing meme factory. She’s the kind of person who drops social media cues as if she’s auditioning to be the next viral sensation. You know the type. Pineapple on pizza equals monsters, raisins in cookies are the ultimate betrayal, and “delulu” is life. She’s the comedian that regurgitates social phrases with the predictability and charm of a fortune cookie. While she has some redeeming traits (TBD, I assume), avoiding one-on-one time with her seems as essential as using a coaster on your precious antique coffee table.
Cookware and Culinary Exclusions
Fast forward to your fabulous get-together, dear reader. You’re hosting a soiree to flaunt your newly acquired Le Creuset cookware—an understandable source of pride and joy. Naturally, you invite friends who appreciate both your company and your kitchen skills. Rose, unsurprisingly, doesn’t make the list. After all, why invite someone who views your home as less tolerable than the DMV on a Monday?
But alas, Rose finds out about the shindig through the grapevine of IG stories and accuses you of channeling high school mean girl energy. Oh, Rose, darling, we’ve leveled up since those days.
The Confrontation: A High School Saga
Rose confronts you, probably while channeling her best Regina George impression, saying you’re giving “high school mean girl vibes.” You respond with the chilly logic that characterizes us accountants (oh, the precision!): she’s made it clear she doesn’t eat at homes with cats. Why would you invite her?
Rose, apparently a master of strategic victimhood, claims she could have just come for the company and avoided eating. Right. Because who wants to attend a dinner party and not eat? That’s like showing up to a pool party and refusing to get wet. It’s both pointless and boring.
Sassy Roger’s Verdict
Now, let’s cut to the chase, shall we? Here’s where your boy Roger weighs in with the sass and wisdom you didn’t know you needed.
First of all, Rose needs to take several seats. She’s out here acting like a clifftop lighthouse, shining unnecessary moral beacons into everyone’s kitchen. Honey, if you can’t handle a cat adjacent to a counter, life’s kitchen (you know, the one called ‘reality’) is going to eat you alive. Your intolerance doesn’t translate to an invite exclusion conspiracy—it translates to boundaries. Healthy ones.
You, my friend, are NTA (Not The Asshole, for my non-Reddit readers). You did something any reasonable adult would: consider your friend’s very vocal (and might I add, judgy) preferences and acted accordingly. She wanted a reason to stir the pot, and you gave her none. Bravo.
So, what’s the takeaway here? If your “friend” can’t handle your furry loved one chillaxin’ in a not-even-controversial spot while you cook, then they can certainly opt out of your fabulous dinner parties without turning it into the latest Netflix drama.
Remember, life’s too short for drama queens who can’t appreciate good cookware or good company. Cook on, live fabulously, and let the cats (and the judgment) be damned.
Original story
A while back I posted a picture to my IG Stories of my cat sitting NEXT TO my counter as I was cooking. On his own stool.
He was watching. Again, he was NEXT TO my counter.
Not anywhere near the food. He doesn’t go on counters.
He doesn’t go near the food.
My “friend” Rose reposted it with her own caption, a puke face emoji and “You can’t eat everybody house”
I ignored it and went about my business. She is very much the type of person who just regurgitates whatever popular phrases she sees on social media.
Pineapple on pizza = monsters, raisins in cookies are why I have trust issues, I don’t trust people who don’t like dogs, “hot girl” walks, “hot girl” books, delulu, I’m going to hold your hand while I tell you this, is the X in the room with us right now, etc etc.
She has other traits that make up for it, but truthfully I do tend to avoid one-on-one time with her.
About a month ago I hosted a small get together… to show off some Le Creuset cookware I obtained (getting older is weird). I had a whole little shindig with home prepared food, lots of fun times between pals.
I didn’t invite Rose.
She found out after folks posted on their IG stories and confronted me over it, saying that I was “giving high school mean girl vibes.” I told her that she has made it clear she doesn’t eat at the homes of people who have cats, so why would I have invited her to a dinner party?
She got defensive and said that she could have just come and not eaten anything. I said that in the future, maybe she should be more careful about what she says, because to me it was very clear.
Rose has continued to tell people I’m giving “high school mean girl to nurse pipeline” (..
.I’m an accountant) and all that.
Am I really the asshole for not inviting her? Why would she have wanted to come?