I Called Out My Friend for Spending on Vices Instead of Her Kid – Am I the Villain Here?
Oh, hello there, my lovely reader! Roger here, the sassiest commentator on life’s little dramas. Today, we’re diving into a tale straight from the wild, unfiltered wonderland we all know as Reddit. Buckle your seatbelts and grab your popcorn, because things are about to get juicy.
The story kicks off with our heroine, a 25-year-old woman, let’s call her Sandra. Now Sandra, bless her pragmatic heart, is childfree by choice and incredibly aware of her own wants (cue the applause for self-awareness). She loves her things, whether it’s that sleek new tech gadget or the latest fashion, and she is living her best life. Bravo, Sandra, bravo.
But there’s a twist—of course, there is. Sandra’s long-time gal pal, Emily, is cut from a similar cloth of humble beginnings but took a different path—one that involves a six-year-old daughter named Emma. Now, Emily’s hobbies include a lavish carousel of retail therapy, a dollop of alcohol, a hefty serving of fast food, and—drumroll, please—cigarettes and marijuana. Talk about having a diverse portfolio of indulgences.
The Meltdown Moment
One fine day, as Sandra and Emily are out running errands, little Emma pipes up about wanting swim lessons. Oh, the innocence of youth! And how does Emily respond? By remorsefully stating they can’t afford it. Poor Emma’s face crumbles faster than a cookie dunked in milk. The plot thickens as Emily immediately whips out her wallet to pay for—wait for it—two cartons of cigarettes. Cue Sandra’s jaw hitting the floor.
Back at Emily’s place, while Emma’s engaging in the universal binge-watching therapy, Sandra decides to have a little heart-to-heart with Emily. And by heart-to-heart, I mean she reads Emily the riot act about choices and priorities. Emily, predictably, gets defensive faster than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs, declaring Sandra doesn’t understand the struggles of single motherhood.
Let’s Real Talk, Shall We?
Okay, my dear reader, let’s pull up our virtual chairs and dissect this. Emily tells Emma “No” more often than a seasoned monk refusing earthly pleasures. Whether it’s a bike or swim lessons, the answer is always the same. Now, I get it, life’s tough, and money doesn’t grow on trees. But Emily’s wallet opens up wide and clear for her vices. Cigarettes, marijuana, and fast food? Oh yes, there’s always room in the budget.
Sandra, being the observant queen she is, points out the glaring irony. Imagine being told “we can’t afford swim lessons” while watching your mom stockpile on cigarettes like they’re going out of style. Harsh? Maybe. Necessary? Definitely.
Emily’s Grand Exit (Out to Smoke)
So Emily, in an Oscar-worthy moment of indignation, demands Sandra leave if she’s going to start accusing her of being a bad parent. Clutching her pearls (or rather, her cigarette lighter), Emily storms out to, you guessed it, light up a cig.
Meanwhile, Back at HQ…
Sandra does a swift exit after saying bye to poor Emma, who is now one Disney movie richer in sadness. On her way out, Sandra is left pondering: Did she just channel her inner Simon Cowell and drop some harsh truths, or was she the villain in this maternal melodrama?
An Update with a Dash of Spice
Fast forward to Sandra playing chauffeur to Emily’s errand, which turns out to be a scooter for Emma. A nice gesture, but let’s not uncork the champagne just yet. Sandra sets some new ground rules—no smoking in her freshly detailed car (you go, girl) and no more taxi service for Emily’s vice runs.
Emily took it about as well as you’d expect—like a sulking teenager denied the car keys. Sandra’s husband, the voice of reason in the background, fully backs Sandra’s tough-love approach. Because what’s love if not making someone uncomfortable till they grow, am I right?
Here’s the kicker: Sandra draws a line in the (ashtray) sand. No more aiding and abetting Emily’s indulgences. If Emily wants her vices, she’s off to the bus stop. It’s swim lessons or bust.
Roger’s Final Verdict
So, am I Team Sandra? You bet your luxury sofa, I am. Sometimes, tough love is the only love that works. Emily, darling, let’s face it. Your kid deserves better than to be constantly told “no” because you can’t curb your habits. Prioritizing your child doesn’t mean giving up everything you enjoy, but honey, balance is key.
Roger’s Tip of the Day: If you’re going to play the single mom card, make sure it’s not the joker. Adjust your budget, drop a vice, and give that kid the childhood you never had. Because Sandra’s right—even moms on a budget can prioritize their kids over their vices.
Until next time, darlings. Keep it sassy and smart.
Original story
I, 25F have been friends with “Emily,” 25F, since middle school. I want to preface a couple of things: Emily and I had similar upbringings.
We grew up on the poverty line, using food banks and being close to being evicted as children. I am also childfree by choice, as I am self aware enough to know that I am too selfish of a person now to have children.
I had nothing as a kid, I want all my things now. Emily, also a relatively selfish person, is not so self-aware, and does not like to sacrifice her joys in life for anyone.
Unfortunately, this also includes her 6-year-old daughter, “Emma.”
Emily has many vices that she enjoys – shopping, some alcohol, fast food, and, most of all, cigarettes and marijuana. Money is tight for everyone, but she ensures she always has what she needs… especially the last two.
In the past few months, Emma has asked for several things and the answer has always been no. The biggest one being a bike for her birthday, and then more recently, swim lessons, as it’s June and her friends all go to the rec center to swim.
Yesterday, while running errands, we were in a store and Emma asked again if she could have swim lessons because she wanted to be able to go to the pool with her friends over summer break from school. Emily once again told her that they were too expensive and that they couldn’t afford them, and Emma started to cry.
Emily apologized to her, and explained that money was tight… before turning around to pay for her two cartons of cigarettes.
When we got back to their place, Emma, who was still upset, went to the couch and put on a movie. I pulled Emily into her bedroom and took the opportunity to explain that I believe it’s important to Emma to take those lessons.
Emily repeated that she didn’t have the money and I said “You don’t have the money for her, but you have the money to smoke?” Emily immediately became defensive and called me an asshole who “doesn’t understand what it’s like to be a single mom.
” I agreed, but reminded her that we both know what it’s like to miss out on things in childhood, and it felt like Emma was going to suffer the same fate. Emily basically told me to leave if I was going to accuse her of being a bad parent, before leaving her bedroom and storming outside to have a cigarette.
I ended up leaving after saying goodbye to Emma, and now Emily is refusing to speak to me.
I am just worried that this kid is going to be on the outside looking in because her mom isn’t prioritizing her, but I know I could have worded things better. AITA?
Update: For those asking, I do not know how to swim, so I would teach her if I could. I think the main thing with the swimming lessons isn’t the actual learning how to do the skill, but being around other kids her age outside of school/park.
And just typing this out, I realize how sad this is.
Someone mentioned that Emma was probably something else that Emily just had to have, and you are correct. Since we were teenagers, Emily has stated that all she wanted to be was a mom.
So she is.
Today, she asked me if I could help her pick up something for Emma (Emily does not have a vehicle, I do). I asked what it was when we were on our way to go get it, and it was a scooter that she had found on Facebook marketplace.
Which I guess is something. I did not apologize for what I said and I don’t plan to.
She has not asked for an apology, yet, but I feel like that request is just under the surface. I also made a new “no smoking in my car,” rule.
I just had my car detailed so she is not allowed to smoke in it anymore. So she was testy for the two hour journey to get the scooter and back to her place but… at least we know she can live without a cigarette for an hour or so.
Thank you all for the comments regarding how I may have been the AH but it was a justified thing. My husband agrees with me as well and actually didn’t want me to take Emily to run this errand, but if it’s going to make Emma happy, I’m okay with it.
I have set the ground rule that cigarette runs will not be completed with use of my vehicle. I will not be taking her to go get the things, nor will I be helping her get her marijuana or fast food until she finds a way to get Emma swim lessons.
We have a great public transport system here for that if she wants it and yes, I have explained this to her, which was met with a very agitated “fine.”