Original story
My (27f) fiancé (29m) and I are getting married in August. It is a tiny ceremony with only my parents and his two closest friends in attendance.
We are then holding a party a couple of days later, where the wider family are invited to come and celebrate with us at a local venue.
We have struggled a bit with the guestlist – his mother isn’t invited, and various other people who we either don’t like or don’t really speak to. It’s not exactly an exclusive event, but we have prioritised the people we care about most.
It’s not a huge venue, so we can’t invite everyone.
The issue is that my eldest cousin’s girlfriend bullied me when we were teenagers. We were best friends since nursery, but when we started secondary school, she (for no reason I am aware of) told me she didn’t want to be seen with me anymore.
I don’t want to go into detail about it, but her bullying caused me to have an eating disorder so severe I was taken to hospital and received treatment. She made horrible comments about my body and got other people to join in as well.
This went on for years. After we left secondary school, it stopped.
I have seen her a few times since – I have not made conversation, but given her a polite nod and left it at that. She hasn’t tried to talk me and she has not apologised.
I know it may be silly to hold onto something that happened so long ago but I still receive therapy today for the issues caused by the bullying I experienced.
I have not invited her to the party, as I don’t want anyone there who has said those kinds of things about me and done the things that she has done. My cousin has unfortunately said this means he will not be coming.
This also means that my aunt is very upset and feels we are being unreasonable and she is also threatening to not come unless we extend the invitation to her as well. My family do not know everything she has done – they think it is just “silly teenager bickering”, but it was so much more than that to me.
I am feeling really conflicted about it as I do want my cousin there, he is one of my favourite family members and does mean a lot to me. Am I being unreasonable?
Should I suck it up for one day and let her come? I know it may be silly, but I just don’t know what to do.
My dad thinks if I don’t want her that I shouldn’t have her there, as it should be about me and my (soon-to-be) husband. My mum wants me to keep the peace and keep the family together on what she feels is a very important day.
I just don’t know what to do. My fiancé says it is entirely my decision as the experience is mine and therefore it could only be my decision.
Am I being an asshole by not inviting her? Should I cave and let her come to keep everyone happy?