When Friendships Weigh Heavy: When is it Time to Walk Away?
Alright, gather around, my lovely readers, because I am here to tell you a tale of friendships, faux pas, and audacious opinions. This riveting saga is based on a real-life Reddit post from a very real and baffled human being who, like many of us, is just trying to navigate the treacherous waters of maintaining relationships. Buckle up; this one’s a wild ride. 🎢
Meet Our Heroine
Our story’s leading lady is a 27-year-old single mother (27f) with a 7-year-old son, let’s call him Adam. Now, Adam, bless his little heart, is described as ‘chubby’, which is a delightful euphemism for a child who enjoys his meals and clearly has some pretty strong genes working in his favor. His mom, our star, has a strong and tall build—an ethnic gift—although motherhood and the charming delights of pandemic living have added a few extra curves. But honestly, who hasn’t put on a few during these times? If your best friend claims they have a six-pack through this pandemic, they are a lying, soulless husk of a human, or they’re just plain annoying!
The Incident
Now, let’s dive into the mix. One fateful evening at a friend’s house, surrounded by companions of over a decade, one “friend” decided to take off his mask to reveal… a lack of tact and an overload of gall. He casually suggested, “Walking is very important; we should all get to walking more, especially OP and Adam.”
Now, a little advice about walking? Meh, not the worst. But he wasn’t done. Oh no, as if possessed by the spirit of insensitivity, he went on: “Adam is TOO BIG,” he declared with the subtlety of a charging rhino, “and you guys need to lose some weight ASAP.”
Our brave mom’s immediate reaction was a vehement, “You can’t just say something like that!” But let’s be honest, when someone has already taken a dive into the pool of rudeness, trying to pull them out with words is probably pointless. This guy wasn’t getting the memo and continued his parade of insensitivity, suggesting that he – as a mentor – could whip Adam into shape better than his own mother.
Hold My Sparkling Water
After receiving this verbal slap to the face, followed by his obnoxious laugh that could peel the enamel off your teeth, she tried to curve the conversation into more positive, “why don’t we do something together,” energy. But this self-proclaimed fitness guru took it as an opportunity to harp on about how much improved Adam and his mother would be under his ‘guidance.’
Alright, let me spill the tea here. Clearly, this friend has ZERO understanding of what it means to be a single parent navigating a pandemic, balancing work-from-home demands, and managing a kid with incredible resilience. Like a pompous flapping duck, he quacked away while clearly knowing nothing about her struggles, including a traumatic event that left her injured and her son dealing with severe separation anxiety and sensory issues. Want to parent better? Honey, please!
The Big Question
So here our mother stands, staring at the fork in the road: Should she confront this ‘friend’, potentially risking a years-long friendship, or should she let it fester, risking her sanity and self-worth?
She hit Reddit’s red carpet with her dilemma, hoping to illuminate some pathway through all the shade. She received an outpouring of support from those affirming that no, she was NOT overreacting, and yes, his comments were out of line. What does a ‘friend’ gain from body-shaming a child? Was she not right to take a step back from this toxic nonsense?
Roger’s Unsolicited Sassy Opinion
Now comes the part you’ve all been waiting for: Roger’s take! 🥂 Darling, if a friend feels the need to degrade you by body-shaming your child, he is not a friend. He is the unswept crumbs under the refrigerator – unseen maybe, but definitely not part of the meal! A good friend uplifts, supports, and perhaps offers constructive advice in a kind and caring manner.
It’s fantastic you’re considering having an adult conversation with him, and kudos for that. But, sweetness, remember you are the lioness safeguarding your cub. If this conversation ends up with more insensitivity and eye-rolling from this guy, drop him like third-period French. He’s had his chance to strut his knowledge and failed to show any empathy or understanding of your life’s intricacies.
So no, you’re not overreacting. You’re just finally seeing the true colors of someone who wasn’t meant to be a permanent fixture in your life painting. If he can’t respect you and Adam, then poof! Vanish his tired, disrespecting energy from your orbit. This momma bear has better things to do!
Until next time, my dear readers, choose kinder friendships and sip your tea with grace. 🫖✨
Original story
I’m reaching out to Reddit because I could NOT stop thinking about this and I need to know if I’m overreacting to this situation. I (27f) was at a friends house last night with a group of friends of over a decade.
I had a kid when I was on the younger side and I am a single mother so l am the only one of my friend group with a child besides my older sister (who was also there) my son (we’ll call him Adam) is 7 and I’ll be fully transparent he’s a chubby kid.
My ethnic background results in my build being fairly tall for a woman and l’ve always been on the thicker side with plenty of muscle however since having a child, the pandemic, and working from home, again I’ll be transparent, l’ve gained a little more weight than usual as well. My son’s biological father also has an ethnic background that is known for being thicker built, As a result my son has had a larger build since birth even when he was “skinnier” (I hate referencing my sons body like this) he always had thick legs, arms, and always felt heavier than he looked.
Now back to the story last night one of my closest friends out of this group sort of came out of nowhere with a comment saying,
“Walking is very important we should all get to walking more ESPECIALLY OP and Adam”
I sort of shot him a look because it felt out of nowhere. But I didn’t say anything because honestly he’s right walking is good for you after all.
He then Continued and said,
“Okay listen l’m gonna just say it Adam is TOO BIG and you guys need to lose some weight ASAP”
This completely took me back and I said immediately “You can’t just say something like that!”
He half apologized while laughing and continued to talk about how he’s not in sports and that I “clearly don’t motivate him to do anything” I guess because I’m also chubby? He was laughing hysterically and making fun of how my son looked and his body and it just felt so horrible.
He then went on to say that HE would do better as a mentor for my son. Trying to curve the conversation in a positive way I said “you know what, that would be helpful actually.
I’m a single mom and it is difficult to always get him to sports or get out and going and I would definitely like to work out more and get into shape. Why don’t we do something all together” He then started going on about how much better he’s gonna do and how Adam needs to stop being lazy and he needs “real guidance”.
Now, l’m not going to list excuses or deep dive into the stufff we’ve been through in the past few years but I will say it’s been a lot. What I will say though is this friend and l are close but l’ve lived in a different state for several years and he definitely doesn’t know enough about our home life to have made those comments.
I have played women’s professional football for two years and my son was also in football, soccer, and we go on walks daily with our dog. A recent traumatic event left me severely injured and resulted in my son being traumatized as well.
He now has severe separation anxiety and we only just now worked up to me being able to leave for the store around the corner while he’s with my mom, sister, nephew, and step dad. My son also has a lot of sensory issues and a phobia of bugs.
I wish I was kidding. It’s gotten so bad that it’s hard now to take him to outside events without complete meltdowns.
And yes we have been working on it but it is difficult especially in the summer months. I have still found ways to get him into indoor sports and still get time in the sun at parks, zoos, and aquariums.
I have made my best effort as a single parent and I will admit that I have failed. There’s been times that we couldn’t afford the healthy option.
Or times l’ve worked 12 hour shifts and haven’t been able to cook. I will take responsibility as a parent that my child has gotten chubbier but why make fun of and comment on a child’s weight?
!
I would understand if he was severely overweight or obese and a doctor or family member had to step in and say something but even then I don’t feel like the way it was said was kind or constructive. It kind of felt like he was waiting for an opportunity to make fun of mine and my son’s weight.
And to outright say you could parent my child better is way over the line especially as a childless male.
I’ve talked to my sister and other family members about it she was also uncomfortable with the comments. I think I’m going to talk to him because I do value our friendship but would I be overreacting if I took a step back from our friendship entirely?
~QUICK EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION~
First thank you to everyone who showed me support. I honestly did not think I would get this many responses but I appreciate all of the insight and kind comments.
I don’t have anything juicy to update unfortunately other than that my friend has texted me since the incident but only to invite me to a group event. I haven’t responded yet but I’m contemplating if I should talk to him there or bring it up over text/phone call.
Either way I will update you all once the conversation is had.
For clarification:
My son was NOT there when the comment were made. He will sometimes accompany me to event with this friend but like I said all of this friend group is child-free so we usually are not doing child friendly activities.
When we have done child centered activities together he has never brought up anything negative to Adam and has always said kind things. My son does regularly visit the doctor and his weight has never been brought up as an issue.
He has never been recommended any diets or weight loss by any pediatrician because HES SEVEN AND STILL GROWING. I did get worried because of his comments that maybe I was blind to Adam’s weight gain as his mother but family and friends I’ve asked have confirmed (without bias) that he is a perfectly healthy boy We do eat a generally healthy diet on a day to day basis.
I do impress on him the importance of diet and exercise and we have cut out fast food (save for emergencies and road trips). And he is signed up for a TON of summer camps and sports.
That’s another reason why his comments felt strange because he is aware of how much effort I am putting into making sure he is more active since the incident that threw our life out of whack. Adam has only been out of sports for four months and hasn’t been signed up since due to us moving and his separation anxiety but he was a very active kid before everything that happened.
I cut out some dialogue for length purposes but I absolutely said more to him to shut down the conversation. I said multiple time to drop it and called him an asshole by the end.
He didn’t take any of it seriously and sort of rolled his eyes at my attempts to call him out for being a jerk. I shouldn’t have just let it go but I felt like I wasn’t going to be heard one way or another (there were some drinks had by him earlier in the night) I see a lot of comments mentioning that he might be interested in me.
My friend is gay so it is strictly platonic. I don’t think he’s negging me to be with me unless he’s some sort of lgbt double agent.
Again thank you all for the kind words I’ll update yall with what happens after I speak with him.