She, of course, believed them to be overdramatic fossils stuck in the financial dark ages. But as the gravity of five years wasted on a mirage sank in, she too started unraveling the skein of lies.
The Outcome
Update: Wedding postponed! Cue the gasps. Maestro Money’s daughter decided to hit the brakes and reassess the impending matrimonial train wreck. What lies ahead? Sessions of family counseling, where they’ll unravel this Monet of a debacle—pretty from afar, but a hot mess up close.
So, my financially astute felines, what do we make of this dolled-up disaster? Here’s the kicker: while love might be blind, a bank account shouldn’t be.
Roger’s Rant
In Roger’s sassy summation, ignoring financial red flags is like speed-reading through the ‘Terms and Conditions’ before clicking ‘Accept’—devastating in the long haul. John, the human bitcoin, is an example of all flash, no substance. Maestro Money and his wife? They were right to sniff out the baloney and stage an intervention before their daughter walked into a lifetime of financial heartburn.
Marriage is a partnership, but starting it with one person’s house built on sand is a recipe for pairing a glass of heartbreak with a slice of bankruptcy pie. So, listen up: dig deeper before you say ‘I do,’ because love might buy you happiness, but money buys you a sanity cushion.
Now, get out there and make better life choices, darlings. Roger out.
Original story
My daughter is planning a wedding with a man she’s been seeing for 5 years. She met him at 20, and he’s 8 years older.
We were apprehensive at first because of the age difference, but he was respectful, attractive, smart, solidly employed, and treated our daughter well – so we got over our apprehension. Over the years, this man, (let’s call him John), was a bit of a big spender – we are not.
We’re solidly middle class couple, and are financially conservative. Over the years, John has consistently assured us that he’s financially OK – even savvy.
He told us he is an avid FIRE movement enthusiast. He let us know about a big 150,000 win on GameStop.
He let us know about a 500,000 inheritance – and then another 500,000 windfall from a business sale. He shared his crypto knowledge and wins.
He told us about the sale of a property he bought at the bottom of the market that he was selling at a handsome profit because he didn’t like being a landlord. Meanwhile, he slowly became part of the family.
Coming to holidays and eventually vacations. My daughter mentioned some red flags, (heavy pot smoker/ time consuming online gamer/ obsessive day trading), but after a few break-ups – he’d always course correct.
We’re a few months away from the wedding, when he told my daughter that they’d have to wait 5 years to buy a house. This made no sense.
My daughter has saved enough for a down on her own! He wants children within 2 years – so why wouldn’t he want to find a home before then?
I pressed her to see the finances before they marry – and sure enough, he was lying. Yes, his retirement is fully funded- but his savings is no where near where it should be based on all his stories and his age/income.
He broke down crying, with story after story of where it all went wrong. He rode GameStop back down to nothing – he broke even on the house- he lost the inheritance to bills of a relative- the business sale only netted 1/3 of what he expected – he’s been living above his means (but it’s partially my daughters fault because she enjoyed those dates – right?
). Ugh.
As conservative spenders, we were perplexed by the Mercedes, the Peloton, and the latest gadgets (gaming systems/$1500 scooter, etc.), and the spacious 2 bedroom apartment (without a roommate to offset costs).
But our daughter would assure us that his plan was to retire at 40, and all his windfalls and smart investing allowed for all the extras. Now that we know the truth, we’re sickened.
He blatantly lied – for years – to my husband and I. We wouldn’t have cared if he was a regular guy financially, but feel that he created this facade so we wouldn’t be concerned about his aggressive spending.
We feel betrayed, and we feel he’s a horrible con that can’t be trusted, and that he most likely has a gambling problem. My daughter wants to move forward with the wedding, and we feel it will be the biggest mistake of her life.
She feels we’re overreacting. AITA?
Update: it’s postponed! It sunk in last night – and the gravity of 5 years of deception had her reassess.
A rough road ahead – but the plan for all of us to reacquaint with this person – and take this slowly. He was part of our family – and I believe we can all benefit from some family counseling to understand what exactly happened here.
Thanks Reddit!