AITA for Not Letting My Mom Babysit Our Daughter? Here’s a Reality Check
Alright, folks, gather ’round and let me dish out a tale that could only come from the wilds of Reddit’s AITA (Am I the Asshole) forum. Buckle up, because this one has more family drama than your average soap opera.
So, there’s this guy, our anonymous buddy (let’s call him Dad), who’s feeling a bit torn about a decision he and his Wonder Woman wife had to make. Dad is married to an incredible woman (32F) who’s a stay-at-home magician—I mean, mom—to their nearly 2-year-old daughter. This supermom cooks from scratch, makes healthy ice cream (yes, healthy ice cream, I know), and is the human embodiment of patience and love. If Mother Teresa and Martha Stewart had a love child, it would be her.
This supermom is about to return to work, and naturally, childcare arrangements are on the docket. Enter Grandma (68F), who is retired and eager to babysit her granddaughter. Sounds perfect, right? Well, not so fast.
Now, here’s where the plot thickens. Dad knows his mom is… let’s say, a bit old school. Picture this: a ‘children should be seen and not heard’ type of grandma who thinks feeding kids frozen pizza and letting them watch TV all day is just fine. Oh, and did I mention she talks to her girlfriends on the phone for hours, might have a cig or two (indoors), and has a penchant for a little thing she calls ‘white lies’? Yep, she’s a real piece of work.
The Great Babysitting Debate
Dad, being the supportive husband and doting father, casually mentions to his wife that Grandma is super keen to babysit. Unfazed, Supermom chuckles and paints a picture that’s way too close to reality: she imagines their daughter eating junk food in front of the tube while Grandma’s yakking away and smoking inside. Supermom even predicts the inevitable: Grandma denying she ever smoked indoors, claiming the little one was ‘naughty’, and suggesting they spank her to prevent her from becoming a prostitute. Yikes.
I know what you’re thinking: This must be an exaggeration. But hold on, because Dad swears it’s not far from the truth. Their daughter isn’t exactly Grandma’s biggest fan either.
Completely understanding his wife’s concerns, they decide to go with a professional nanny. But then comes the awkward part: breaking the news to Grandma. She’s devastated. Cue the waterworks and a good old-fashioned guilt trip, as she wails about being second-best to a stranger. Seriously, folks, you couldn’t script this stuff.
Silent Treatments and Hurt Feelings
Now, Grandma is giving Dad the silent treatment and Grandpa has taken it upon himself to call Dad worse than an ‘A-hole’. Grandma is heartbroken, especially since she already bragged to everyone that she’d be having her dear granddaughter over every day. And, oh, they smoke indoors—so having the baby over there was never happening anyway. Fun times.
So, dear readers, you tell me, AITA? Well, drumroll, please because here comes Roger’s unfiltered take on this whole mess.
Roger’s Sassy Verdict
Listen, darling, you’re not just NTA (Not the Asshole), you’re practically a hero. Yes, your mom’s feelings are hurt but let’s get real here. No amount of home-cooked meals and healthy ice cream can rival the benefits of quality childcare. Your wife’s standards aren’t just high; they are the gold standard of parenting.
Your daughter deserves safe, responsible care—someone who won’t turn a blind eye to rules or light up a cig indoors. As painful as it may be to disappoint your mom, your priorities are in the right place. Parents who prioritize their child’s well-being even when it causes familial friction? Iconic. True heroes, I say.
Bottom line: You put your daughter’s needs first, and that’s parenting done right. So, brush off Grandpa’s comments, gracefully accept the silent treatment, and keep doing what’s best for your kiddo. Silent treatments don’t raise healthy children; responsible adults do. And if Grandma can’t respect that, she’ll just have to find solace in her frozen pizzas and phone chats.
Until next time, stay sassy, stay sensible, and when in doubt, always choose the healthy ice cream.
Original story
I need an outsiders position on this. Give it to me straight.
My wife (32F) and I (35M) have a nearly 2yo daughter. My wife is staying home with her but is going back to work soon.
I mentioned it to my (retired) mom (68F) and she was very insistent on babysitting for us.
My wife is a superhuman. I did not know mothers like this existed until I saw her with my daughter.
She never raises her voice, she’s unbelievably patient, she always knows what to do and she’s just so loving. She cooks each of our daughters meals from scratch and even makes healthy ice cream for the whole family.
They spend multiple hours a day every day in nature regardless of weather. She doesn’t use screens – she’s that dedicated.
I couldn’t think of anything our daughter would need that my wife hasn’t thought about and bought 3 months ago. She is the best and I sincerely don’t know how she does it.
Naturally, her expectations for childcare are very high. Good thing is we can afford it.
I mentioned to my wife that my mom insisted on babysitting for us when she returns to work. She laughed and said ‘yes, I can imagine that.
Our daughter eating frozen pizza in front of a TV while your mom talks to her girlfriends on the phone, smoking inside, occasionally yelling at our daughter for age appropriate behaviour. And when we come back she swears upon god she did not smoke here, tells daughter was naughty and we must spank her or she’ll grow up to be a prostitute’.
I laughed too and never mentioned it to my wife again.
Now, my wife did exaggerate but she’s not wrong. My mom is like that.
The ‘children must be seen but not heard’ type. She also tells what she calls ‘white lies’ very often, basically refusing to admit she did something she was told not to do.
Because she does what she wants and believes she’s always right. So I realise her watching our daughter is not really an option, especially because our daughter does not like my mom at all.
Some time after our initial conversation, I was talking to my mom on the phone. She asked about wife’s plans regarding work and I eventually told her we’re already interviewing nannies.
Long story short, I had to tell her that we don’t think her babysitting our daughter is a good idea and is not happening. She was very offended by the fact that we’d ‘rather trust a stranger than her’.
She cried and I felt bad (apparently not bad enough to change my mind as I still think what she wants is not in my family’s best interest).
I do feel bad about this whole situation but I must also say my parents are welcome to visit and interact with their granddaughter. I’m not preventing them from being in her life.
However, my mom is giving me silent treatment and my dad called me worse than an asshole. Apparently, mom is really hurt as she already told everyone she would be having her granddaughter over every day.
I must say I never agreed to it and she never even mentioned wanting to watch her in their home, which is an automatic no since they smoke inside.
AITA?