Original story
I (26M) am a transgender man. I’ve been out since I was 16 and started medically transitioning at 19.
I’m pretty burly and I have a beard, so at this point no one would have any reason to think I’m trans unless I tell them. My dad (67M)’s perspective on this is basically “I won’t argue with you about it, but I’m also not going to change the way I refer to you.
” If I directly call him out on it he just awkwardly waffles and dismisses it. It’s annoying, but I can live with it, especially because the rest of my family is largely supportive and trying to maintain a relationship with them while not interacting with my dad would be difficult and frustrating for everyone involved.
I was visiting a couple of days ago, and my dad and I bumped into his neighbour from a few doors down and ended up in a conversation about a tree that had fallen down in the street. My dad introduced me to his neighbour with “this is my daughter, (old name).
” Not really wanting to have to explain to this random stranger that I’m trans, I just said, “no Dad, I’m (name), your son, remember?” in a concerned/pitying tone of voice, then sort of looked at the neighbour with a sad expression.
My dad, as usual, just awkwardly dismissed it and tried to continue the conversation without acknowledging it. The neighbour sort of did an “ah, gotcha” expression, and for the rest of the conversation he spoke slower to my dad.
Later, my dad told me he didn’t like that I’d made his neighbour think he was senile, because he might have conversations with him in the future and would have to spend those conversations being treated like he’s in the early stages of dementia. For my part, I think he invites it by referring to a guy no one would suspect is trans as a woman (not that I think he should refer to any trans person as their birth sex) and it was only a matter of time before someone thought he was nuts.
I also feel that I had the right to keep it private that I’m trans to this stranger. My dad can feel free to explain the situation to him later, but in the moment I didn’t want to potentially have to get stuck in a conversation defending my identity as a trans person to him.
AITA?