Why I Refused to Host My Sister-In-Law’s Hordes After She Gives Birth: A Reddit Rant
Oh, honey, let me tell you, life sometimes throws us family dilemmas that make soap operas look like child’s play. Buckle up and grab your popcorn because this tale is plucked straight from the drama-infested annals of Reddit’s ‘Am I The A**hole’ forum.
**The Setup**
So, our protagonist—a savvy member of the Reasonable Boundaries Club—hosts a bro and sister-in-law who are expecting their first bundle of joy this summer. How thrilling! Now, don’t get me wrong, babies are cute (when they’re not screaming like banshee alarms), and bringing one into this world is a Herculean effort. But when you factor in in-laws from another continent planning to camp out in your space for six months, suddenly you start to question your life choices.
**The Ask**
Now, picture this: Sister-in-law (SIL) asks our protagonist if her own sister, her sister’s husband, and their two tiny tornadoes under the age of six—none of whom speak a lick of English, mind you—could shack up with them for half a year. What kind of ‘Mary Poppins meets Big Brother’ situation is this?
Let’s do the math. That’s four random family members for six months! Even robots don’t put up with that kind of invasion. But, oh, it gets better. The sister’s husband, who works remotely in the middle of the night, would basically be a caffeine-fueled zombie specter haunting the hallways.
**The Decision**
When our protagonist suggested a compromise of 2-3 weeks or even a month, SIL wasn’t having it. She wants the cavalry, and she wants them for six long months. To add a dollop of olive oil to the slippery slope, SIL’s family doesn’t drive and lives 30 minutes from the protagonist’s house. Golly, the logistical nightmare of daily pickups and drop-offs would make anyone go cross-eyed.
Here’s the thing: Our protagonist technically has the space, but space is more than four walls and a roof. It’s about mental tranquility. Having strangers dominate your sanctuary for half a year is a colossal ask. The kicker? The protagonist’s bro and SIL have gone radio silent for weeks. Silent treatment, eh? How very mature.
**Cultural Conundrums**
This situation is dashed with a touch of cultural expectations. In some cultures, putting up family elsewhere is a huge faux pas. I get that. But the truth is, culture clash or not, everyone’s sanity matters. Besides, let’s have a reality check: Neither brother nor SIL, nor her family, can afford a short-term rental. The protagonist wasn’t being stingy or mean; instead, they face a poise of Continue-Playing-Life-Games-or-Descend-into-Madness.
**The Internet Speaks**
Oh, Reddit spoke, and it spoke loudly. Support flooded in faster than water through a broken dam, affirming that our protagonist was 100% in the right. New perspectives highlighted potential visa issues regarding the SIL’s husband’s remote work. We’ve got an avalanche of potential legal entanglements no one wants to sled down.
**Roger’s Sassy Two Cents**
To the protagonist, I raise a glass. Darling, you did absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, you’re a hero for standing your ground. Six months hosting four strangers, homeschooling a child in a language barrier setting, and managing nocturnal remote work shenanigans in the next room isn’t just a big ask—it’s outright lunacy. Screw any guilt-trippers; no person, culture, or insane family dynamic should guilt you into mental and emotional turmoil.
Let’s accept it: Childbirth is a miraculous, nerve-wracking chapter in life. But demanding a relative to sacrifice half a year of peace for a mini-United Nations in their home? Oh, honey, let’s keep the comedy of errors in the sitcoms where they belong.
So, dearest readers, whenever life throws you sprawling demands like accommodating long-term houseguests, channel your inner ‘Roger.’ Boundaries are sexy, sanity is priceless, and always—always—keep your wit sharper than your family feuds.
Cheers,
Roger
Original story
Using a throwaway account. My brother and his wife are expecting their first child this summer.
My sister-in-law is from a different country and her first trimester was not easy and I know that she misses her family a lot. Her parents are planning to stay with them for a year when the baby is born (with a quick trip home in between so they don’t overstay their visa).
She was thrilled that they could do this.
She recently asked if her sister and her sister’s family (husband and two children under the age of 6) could also come out with her parents and stay with me because they won’t all fit at their house. But she wants them to stay for 6 months.
I asked if maybe they could do 2-3 weeks or even a month but she wasn’t happy about that at all because she really wants her sister to be here to help too.
AITA for thinking that this is unreasonable and feeling imposed upon? Her family would not be able to drive and I live 30 minutes away from my brother and I work so I wouldn’t be able to drive them to see her every day and I don’t think my brother will have time to pick them up every day.
Technically I have the space. But I like my quiet time and having four people that I’ve never met stay with me for six months feels overwhelming.
They don’t speak English so it would also be a little awkward in the beginning, I think. The plan is to homeschool the older child while they’re here (the younger one isn’t school age yet).
I don’t fully understand the husband’s job but apparently he’s able to do it remotely. That would mean he’s on calls and video meetings in the middle of the night though.
I understand that it’s hard to have a baby so far from your family and I want to be supportive of my sister in law. I’ve been firm in my stance that a 6 month visit is too long but she’s pretty upset with me and her and my brother haven’t been speaking to me for a couple of weeks now so I’m wondering if I’m just being cruel or selfish here.
EDIT: thank you so much everyone for your comments and for helping me to feel much better that I was not being unreasonable. I’m reading through all the comments but wanted to reply to a few ideas that many had shared.
1) My brother and SIL cannot afford a short-term rental, nor can her family. But beyond that, in her culture, it would be considered rude to put them up somewhere else if family can accommodate them.
I believe they briefly looked at AirBNBs and short-term rentals but in addition to the expense, her family’s lack of permanent status for that long of a stay might have been a concern for some (not sure of exact details or convos and maybe they just told me that to make it seem like they had no other option) but bottom line, they can’t afford it
2) Thank you to all who pointed out some of the potential legal issues with the husband working remotely here on a tourist visa, and the sticky situations that could come out of being here for so long. I had not considered that and I really appreciate the advice
3) If she were to go back to her home country with the baby instead of everyone coming here, my brother could only stay for a few weeks. And ironically, her family doesn’t have room for them to stay with them