Am I the A**hole for Telling My Grown-Up Son He’s On His Own?
Gather ’round, folks, because the tea is hot today. This story comes straight from the hallowed halls of Reddit’s AITA forum, where a dad is questioning whether he’s a complete jerk for finally hitting the brakes on his son’s gravy train. Spoiler alert: the son is a full-grown adult who is just waking up to the realization that Momma Bear’s lifetime of coddling might not be the ticket to success he thought it was. Grab your popcorn; Roger’s got thoughts—and they’re spicy.
Meet the Cast: The Helicopter Mom, The Lazy Son, and The Dad Who Had Enough
Our protagonist, a beleaguered father, had the misfortune of watching his wife transform into the human embodiment of an emotional support blanket after their son was born. And, oh boy, did she get those talons in deep. Any attempt by him to discipline the kid? Nope, immediate waterworks or passive-aggressive sniping. Encourage the kid to problem-solve or show some grit? Forget it! Mom would swoop in faster than a seagull on a French fry and just do it all for him.
A Divorce and a Fresh Start—Or So He Hoped
It turns out that constantly battling your partner over whether your kid needs a spine is not great for marital bliss. Who knew? So, Dad hit the eject button on that marriage and remarried (happily, it seems) to Diane, with whom he’s raising two more kids. And guess what? They’re doing fine. It’s almost as if children need boundaries and responsibilities. Who would’ve thought?
The Son and the Perilous Path of Perpetual Adolescence
Fast forward to the present. The son is now an adult, well, chronologically anyway. His mother’s overprotectiveness means he hasn’t learned basic life skills. When Dad’s child support payments stopped, our human barnacle of a son suddenly found himself without the safety net he’d been leisurely swinging over for years. Cue the frantic call for help. He desperately needs money, having apparently ignored the memo that adulthood might involve things like, you know, work.
The Sweet Taste of Karma (and Tough Love)
So, Dad says he’ll help, but with a caveat: he wants a resume. After three weeks and no resume, the son calls up wondering why Dad hasn’t found him a job yet. The entitlement here is so thick, you could cut it with a butterknife. Dad’s patience is obviously exhausted at this point, and he lays it on the line: no more money, no more hand-holding, but he’ll help him get on his feet the right way.
He Showed Him the Light—and Now Everyone’s Mad
The real kicker? The son finally starts to realize how unprepared he is for real life and has a miniature epiphany. Mom loses her marbles because Dad has gone and messed up her pampered kid’s ideal world. You know, the alternate universe where adulthood responsibilities are just an optional mini-game or something.
Roger’s Take: Yes, Let’s Talk About That
Alright, here’s where my two cents come raining down like a hailstorm. Was Dad a jerk for finally cutting the financial umbilical cord? Absolutely not. It’s a painful, eye-watering truth bomb, but better late than never. Parents are supposed to raise their kids to be self-sufficient, not props in some never-ending production of ‘Mom’s Favorite Martyr.’
If anything, Mom should be attending a class in ‘Rehab for Helicopter Parents.’ She essentially turned this kid into a helpless blob who thought ‘adulting’ meant leveling up in a video game. The son should be thanking Dad for introducing him to the life skillset he missed, instead of being coddled into oblivion.
So, AITA? Far from it. If anything, Dad is finally stepping into the hero role this story so desperately needs. Here’s hoping Junior pants-up and starts trudging the path to real life. And Mom? Well, she might want to reexamine her own life choices while she’s at it.
Until next time, keep it real, and remember: tough love is still love, and sometimes, it’s the most needed kind.
Original story
My oldest kid is a good kid but kind of lazy. His mom has always protected him.
She has her reasons. Her first husband and child passed away about twenty two years ago.
Two years after that we met, fell in love, got married, and had a kid. Unfortunately for me our son’s birth was a catalyst for a regression for her.
He could do no wrong. If I tried to punish or even just correct him she would get upset and start crying or fight with me.
If he found something difficult and I wanted him to work through it or try harder she would step in and tell me to back off or actually just do it for him.
This lead to our divorce a I wanted to be a father and not a spectator. She fought so I wouldn’t get custody.
I ended up with visitation. My kid wouldn’t do anything though.
He wouldn’t bring his homework over and all he wanted to do was play video games. If I didn’t let him he had tantrums.
It was exhausting. And she would always back him up.
It was always my fault.
I remarried to my wife Diane. We have two children and are doing our best to raise them right.
My son stopped coming over when he was 14. I still invite him but he rarely responds.
My child support just stopped. His mom has been giving it to him to do whatever he wanted for the last three years.
Not my problem.
He called me to see if I could help him with money. I asked what for.
He said that his mom can’t give him the allowance he is used to. I asked if he was going to be attending some sort of post secondary school.
He said no.
I told him to get a job.
His mom has lost her shit. She said she will take me back to court so her poor baby can live his life his way.
I wished for the odds to be ever in her favor and hung up. Now that he is an adult I never have to talk to her again.
It’s too bad because I loved her very much. Not any more.
My son asked me to help him find a job. I said I would.
I told him to send me his resume. I’ve been waiting three weeks for it.
He called me yesterday to see if I had made any progress on finding him a job. I said he never sent me his resume.
He got upset that I hadn’t reminded him. It was one thing.
I told him that I was not going to motivate him to do anything, that I would be here if he needed help but that it would never be money again.
I let him come over and helped him with a resume. I also talked to him about the trades or a community college.
He is beginning to understand how fucked his future is now that his mom cannot do everything for him. He is upset with his mother now because he doesn’t have life skills.
She is mad at me for showing him the truth.