Oh, dear readers, gather round for a tale that’s as twisty as it is juicy, straight from the bowels of Reddit, featuring a to-be-mom, a nonbinary sibling, and a name that’s stirring more than just baby shower chatter. Yes, you’ve guessed it, this is a real Reddit story from a real person, affording us the delightful opportunity to dive into the murky waters of family, identity, and names that carry more baggage than my Aunt Dotty’s purse.
Our protagonist, an expectant mother of one (future girl, specifically), has found herself at the eye of a storm that she probably didn’t see coming. Together with her significant other, they’ve lovingly picked the name Annette for their child-to-be, a homage to her middle-named mother Anne and a nod to an influential teacher. Classic, elegant, and with a personal touch – what’s not to love? Ah, but there’s a catch, as there often is in tales such as this. The name Annette bears resemblance to her sibling’s deadname, Anna, setting the stage for family contention and a Reddit post asking, “WIBTA for giving my child a similar name to my sibling’s dead name?”
Let’s break it down, shall we? On the one hand, names are a tricky business, infused with personal meanings, connections, and, in this case, a history that’s not easy to navigate. Our protagonist’s sibling, now identifying as nonbinary, has abandoned their birth name, Anna, for reasons deeply personal and significant in their journey to self. The introduction of baby Annette into the family narrative has, unintentionally, become a sore spot, a reminder of a fraught past our Redditor’s sibling wishes to leave behind.
Cue the accusations of transphobia and being an “abusive narcissist,” and you’ve got yourself a family dinner that’s colder than the Thanksgiving turkey that got left out in the snow. But here’s where it gets knotty. The name Annette, while eerily reminiscent of Anna in its “An” beginnings, has its own unique heritage in the family tree, and carries with it intentions pure and untainted by the strife it’s unintentionally stirred.
So, where does that leave our expectant couple and their unborn Annette? Is the choice of name an act of callous disregard for a loved one’s feelings, or a simple desire to preserve family heritage and impart a beloved name to the next generation?
Roger’s Hot Take incoming: Naming your child should be a joyous occasion, not a battleground. However, in a world where identity is powerful and personal, a dash of sensitivity goes a long way. The name Annette, chosen with love and respect for family connection, is not inherently transphobic. Yet, the pain it evokes in someone so close cannot be overlooked or discounted.
The dilemma here isn’t just about a name; it’s about validation, understanding, and the complex dynamics that weave through the tapestry of family life. Perhaps a heart-to-heart, acknowledging the pain without relinquishing the name’s significance, might pave a path toward resolution. After all, family should be about embracing the complexity of each member while forging ahead with love and a touch of compromise.
In the grand scheme of things, Annette might just be a name, but it’s a reminder that even the smallest choices can hold deep meaning for those around us. So, choose your battles, but more importantly, choose understanding and compassion – because at the end of the day, it’s not just about a name, it’s about family. And isn’t that worth a little extra consideration?
Original story
Throwaway for privacy reasons.
My husband (23M) and I (22F) are expecting our first child in July, a girl. We’re over the moon and couldn’t be happier.
We’ve both decided we want to name her Annette. My mom’s (who I’m very close with) middle name is Anne, and my husband had a favorite teacher named Annette who made a really big impact on him. I think it’s a super pretty, classic name, and it honors my mom. It’s also one of the few names my husband and I could agree on.
I have an eighteen-year-old sibling who is nonbinary, and I’ve always done my best to support them. I love them, even though we’re not the closest, and I consider myself an ally. Their deadname (the name they were given at birth which they no longer use) is Anna.
I saw them earlier tonight and they wanted to know if we’d decided on a name yet. I told them we loved the name Annette and were planning on using it, and they flipped out. They told me that it was way too similar to their deadname and it would be transphobic of me to name my daughter that. I explained that it’s a variant of a family name, and how the intention was by no means meant to hurt them. My sibling wasn’t having any of this, and told me that I was being an abusive narcissist.
The name just feels right though, and my husband and I love it. I really don’t see all that much similarity between the names, except that they both start with “An”. They’re even pronounced differently (“uh-NET” vs “AN-a” with a hard “a”). If it would be transphobic to use the name though, I don’t want to use it.
WIBTA for naming my child Annette?
EDIT: There are other people in my lineage with names similar to Anne, since it’s a pretty common name. My great-grandmother’s middle name was Antoinette (she hated it, but that’s beside the point lol)