Hello my lovelies, it’s your favorite scribe of sass, Roger, diving deep into the juicy world of Reddit where real people share real stories that make our real lives seem a bit less bizarre. Today’s tale comes from Andrea (obviously not her real name because who would invite that storm?), a 30-year-old lady locked in the labyrinth of maternal expectations, marital muss, and the relentless pursuit of personal autonomy. Buckle up, buttercups, because this ride through reproductive rights and wrongs is anything but predictable.
Andrea and her hubby Nathan have been the Bonnie and Clyde of love for nine wonderfully tumultuous years. Amid the peaks and troughs of their romance, the specter of procreation began to loom large, like that one party guest who can’t take a hint. First up, a pregnancy scare straight out of a ’90s sitcom tested the waters, only for the aquatic theme park of Andrea’s womb to remain closed. Fast forward a few years, and Mother dearest, acting as both cheerleader and chief inquisitor, cranked up the baby-making pressure cooker. It’s worth noting that Andrea, in a move braver than most, had already voiced her aversion to the pregnancy saga, earning her my respect and probably a badge of courage.
But here’s where the plot thickens, my eager eavesdroppers. With the birth of a niece or nephew, Nathan, her rock, her safe harbor, confessed a longing for a mini-me. This revelation sent Andrea spiraling into the supportive, if not slightly suffocating, embrace of her familial matriarch. Said matriarch, in a twist no one saw coming, played the ‘pregnancy is a gift’ card with the finesse of a Vegas dealer on a hot streak, leaving Andrea feeling more like a monster than a mother-to-be. Enter Kira, the younger sister with a baby story of her own, providing the comforting counter-narrative that yes, Virginia, it’s okay to not want to turn one’s body into a baby factory.
So, where does this leave our protagonist, Andrea? Feeling like a villain in her own life script for daring to want control over her body and future. And where does it leave us, the peanut gallery with the privilege of hindsight and no personal stake in the matter?
**Roger’s Hot Take:** Sweetheart, you are most certainly **not** the antagonist in this drama-drenched tale. Choosing not to experience the miracle/misery (tomato, tomahto) of childbirth does not an a-hole make. Your body, your rules, and if Nathan’s love is contingent on a shared DNA strand with his offspring, then honey, you’ve got bigger fish to fry. Adoption is a noble, loving, and utterly brave path to parenthood, offering a child in need a chance at a life filled with love and opportunity.
To Andrea, and the many others navigating these turbulent waters: your fears, your choices, your autonomy are valid. Stand strong, and never let the chorus of societal or familial expectations drown out the melody of your own truth. And remember, if anyone tries to guilt you into a pregnancy you don’t want, send them my way. I’ve got a few choice words and a sassy send-off ready and waiting.
In conclusion, darlings, the path to parenthood, or deciding to remain child-free, is as unique and varied as the individuals embarking on it. The key is respect, understanding, and support for those decisions, no matter what they may be. And on that note, I bid you adieu, leaving you with thoughts to ponder, discussions to spark, and choices to celebrate. Until next time, keep it sassy, keep it classy, and always, always keep it real. Roger out.
Original story
I’m going to be using fake names just in case this post gets found by someone I know. Sorry for how long this is.
So I Andrea f(30) and my husband Nathan m(35) have been together for 9 years. Dating :6 married :3, we get along for the most part but we do have fights, and having similar personality traits it can take a while for us to come together to talk it out/compromise. I come from a family with 3 younger siblings (m(26), f(25), and f(23))and we are all are adopted. My mom Jamie f(62) could not have children, I am the first she and my father Jacob m(62) adopted.
The first time this whole pregnancy/birth thing even came into play is when we had a pregnancy scare in the first year that we were dating, I was still living with my mother and Nathan had his own house. I had missed my period and taken a pregnancy test, it came up positive so I took another one and it came up negative. My doctor recommended I come in for a blood draw to get a solid answer, when I shared this with my mother she said quote “I can’t believe my 22 year old unmarried daughter is going to have a baby, I thought I raised you better” I was shocked at her response, called Nathan and cried about it to him. Well it ended up being a false alarm.
Fast forward to me turning 26 and that seemed to flip a switch in my mother’s mind and she began constantly asking when I would give her a grandchild. Before we even got married (2021) I told Nathan that I was not interested in having biological children. The thought of pregnancy and birth has always scared the shit out of me and I wanted no part of it. (I don’t think I could handle it mentally/emotionally/physically , I know myself and the toll all of the changes would take on me. But a huge kudos to anyone who became pregnant on purpose or accident and kept the baby, you’re alot stronger than I am) Nathan said that it was fine, he was good with adoption and raising a child that needed a loving family.
Fast forward again to this year my brother -in-law and his wife just had a baby. When it happened Nathan was kind of acting off so I asked him if something was wrong, he said he was still wanting to adopt but a part of him is always going to want a biological child like his brother had. My heart dropped when I heard this and so the next morning I turned to my mother for advice.
She asked me why I didn’t want to be pregnant or give birth and I shared my fears with her, imagine my surprise when she shamed me for five minutes about how pregnancy is a blessing and beautiful then said “All I ever wanted was to be pregnant so you should just get over yourself and get pregnant to give Nathan the child he wants.” When I tried to explain how it didn’t have to do with Nathan, I didn’t want to be pregnant no matter who I was with and just wanted to adopt she hung up on me.
I felt so horrible and like a monster after that phone call I called my youngest sister Kira f(23) to ask her if I was crazy for wanting to not even try to get pregnant and going straight for adoption. Funny enough Kira ended up pregnant at 18 and had her baby much to my mother’s dismay at first (she changed her tune at the end because she had a new grand baby but her and I clashed alot over those 9 months for how she treated Kira). Kira reassured me that I wasn’t crazy for knowing I never wanted to become pregnant and just wanting adoption. She told me to not let anyone pressure me to get pregnant and she would always have my back.
I just can’t seem to shake my mom’s voice out of my head about how it’s unfair to Nathan. So AITA for saying I never want to be pregnant /give birth?