Hey there, thirsty for a fresh draught of drama? Get ready to sip, because I’ve stumbled upon a tale that redefines ‘marital spat’ for the modern era. It involves secrets, water, and yes, dog poop, all wrapped up in a juicy Reddit confession from a real person who’s wondering if they’re the villain of their own story. Pull up a chair and let Roger be your guide through this backyard brawl turned internet sensation. Buckle up, it’s going to be a wild ride.
Imagine the scene: Our protagonist, a 23-year-old woman, uncovers a hidden truth that her 29-year-old hubby has been texting another woman. And not just any texts, but deleted ones that still leave a scent of mystery in the air, like a perfume that’s trying too hard to be unnoticed. Two days prior, she played the ‘anything on your phone I should know about?’ game, only to be met with half-baked assurances that all was well in Textland. Fast forward, and it’s clear all is not well in paradise.
After confronting her man, she seeks refuge in the serenity of their backyard, only to return and escalate matters from a verbal joust to a watery warfare, spraying him with the garden hose. His response? A retaliatory strike with a fresh pile of dog poop. Yes, you read that right. This is not your grandma’s argument; it’s ‘Marriage: Extreme Edition.’
Our lady protagonist labels his actions as disrespectful and nasty, whereas he sees it as poetic justice for her ‘assholery.’ He even doubles down, suggesting that a dog poop facial was the alternative she dodged. They turn to the internet for judgment, seeking the wisdom of strangers to settle their soiled dispute.
Now, here comes Roger’s Hot Take: In any relationship, communication is key, and secrecy is the lock that jams it shut. Deleting messages and lying about it? Not cool. But respond with a hose down? Questionable escalation. Yet, to catapult dog poop as a counter? That’s entering a new territory of ‘what the actual heck?’ Relationships should thrive on trust and respect, not deceit and… poop flinging.
To the woman seeking solace in the online court of public opinion, you’re both in the wrong. You, for letting your anger take a watery form; him, for confusing marital arguments with a feces-throwing contest. It’s high time to hose down the tension and maybe seek a professional who can help you navigate these murky waters — minus the poop.
In the land of love and war, let’s remember that the goal isn’t to win the battle but to win over each other’s heart, continuously, every day. And for heaven’s sake, let’s keep the garden tools and pet waste out of it. That’s Roger’s decree.
So, to our battling couple, and to you, dear readers, may your disputes be many but your resolutions swift and your tactics cleaner. Until next time, stay dry and keep it classy, not crappy.
Original story
| (23f)and my husband (29m) got into an argument earlier because I discovered a girl texting his phone.
He had deleted the messages between them, so the chat was new (and muted) but it was clear that they’d been texting before. I asked him two days ago if there was anything on his phone that shouldn’t be. I asked if there was anyone he was talking to that he knew would be an issue for me.
He said “I mean…..you wouldn’t be mad.” I told him not to mince words and was there anything going on. He said no. I told him to be honest because we were in a good spot and I wouldn’t even be mad, I just had a feeling and I wanted the truth. He still said no.
This morning, I find the girl texting him asking if he worked today because she wanted to see him. He said it was nothing and he only deleted the messages bc they weren’t that big a deal. I was upset so l went to go cool off. When I got back, he still wanted to tell me how it wasn’t that deep and that yes, he lied to me, but it was something small and I should believe him about that. If I don’t believe him, that’s my problem.
I told him that I needed space because I didn’t want to lose it. He said “sometimes to find yourself, you have to lose it. Proceeded to go outside with the dog. I was upset and came and sprayed him with the water hose, so he took a FRESH pile of dog poop and hit me with it.
He said I acted shitty so he acted accordingly. It became a big blowout, but he says that I was the AH and that my actions had consequences. Now, I know that it was petty, but I had only wet his shirt and it’s 85 degrees out here, so I really didn’t think it that big a deal.
I told him he was disrespectful and nasty for what he did and he said that what I did was just as bad, if not worse. He says that he served me justice for being an asshole. He also told me to bring it to the internet to see who was in the wrong and everyone will tell me I was wrong. So was I an AH for spraying him with the garden hose?
Also would like to add that I asked him if he really thought hitting me with dog poop was equal to the hose and he said that it was better than smearing my face with it like I deserved
ETA: I totally understand it was wrong to spray him. I’ve been working on how I handle situations, and had gotten really good at being able to calm myself to think rationally. Lately, fights turned to normal conversations because I cooled off first, and in turn, let him cool off from whatever the issue is. This is not an excuse, but the fact that he encouraged me to lose my cool when I begged him to just let me be was triggering for me and I reacted poorly. I honestly just never would have guessed flinging poop would’ve been his response.