Picture this—a cozy family gathering turned battleground, where words are the weapons and understanding is the casualty. Yes, dear reader, this isn’t the plot of your next binge-watch drama series. This saga unfolds in the real world, pulled straight from the heart-wrenching annals of Reddit, where one brave soul sought the wisdom of the internet’s court of public opinion.
The question on the docket: AITA for forcefully shutting my brother down after he tried to shame my daughter for seeking her birth family? Buckle up, because Roger’s Hot Take is about to take you on a wild ride through the twists and turns of this real-life story. Spoiler alert: it involves an adorable adopted daughter, a search for identity, and a relative who definitely didn’t get the memo on family support. Intrigued? You should be. Let’s dive in, shall we?
Imagine adopting a child, loving her unconditionally, and supporting her in every aspect of her life, including the most intimate journey of discovering her origins. Now, picture a family member—let’s call him the ‘Misguided Moralist’—who thinks it’s his duty to gatekeep feelings and dictate how love and loyalty should be measured. This isn’t just a story; it’s the reality for one family. The parents, champions of empathy and support, stood by their daughter’s side as she embarked on the emotional rollercoaster of tracing her biological roots. A journey, mind you, that culminated in the heartache of dead ends and the stark realization that her birth family might not want to be found.
Cue the Misguided Moralist, who decided it was his moment to shine, armed with accusations and a judgmental attitude that could freeze lava. His weapon of choice? Questioning the adopted daughter’s gratitude and affection for her parents—because, apparently, seeking to understand where you come from equates to a lack of love for those who raised you.
I must pause here, dear reader, and ask—since when did seeking knowledge about one’s identity become an act of rebellion or ingratitude? Roger’s not just flabbergasted; he’s on the brink of declaring a new level of audacity unlocked. The drama doesn’t end there. This isn’t just about a squabble between siblings; it’s a testament to a parent’s love—an unyielding force in the face of ignorance and insensitivity.
Our protagonist parent didn’t just stand up to the Misguided Moralist; they became a veritable superhero, defending their daughter’s right to seek, to wonder, and to explore her identity without shame or guilt. And what of the Misguided Moralist’s attempt to pit sibling against sibling, using the younger son’s lack of curiosity as a bizarre benchmark for normalcy? Laughable, if it wasn’t so tragically misguided. To that, I say—every individual is a universe, each with their own questions, journeys, and paths to walk. Comparison is the thief of joy, indeed.
Now, dear reader, as we stand on the precipice of Roger’s Hot Take, let me lay it bare: seeking to understand your roots is not a betrayal. It’s a quest for identity that can coexist with love and gratitude for those who have nurtured and supported you. And to the family members who think otherwise, perhaps it’s time to reflect on the true meaning of love and support. In solidarity with the parents who fiercely protect their child’s right to seek her truth, Roger’s verdict is clear: NTA. Not today, not ever.
In the grand scheme of things, the real AH is ignorance, and love—true, unconditional love—is the beacon that guides us home. And with that scorching hot take, I bid you adieu, dear reader. Until next time, remember: family is more than DNA, and love knows no bounds. Roger, out.
Original story
My husband and I adopted our daughter 18.5 years ago. She had been left at the hospital by her birth mother, who was never found, and they had no known father or other family for her. We never hid her adoption or the truth surrounding her ending up with us. But we have always worked with professionals to help us navigate her journey. We wanted her to feel loved and secure. We also wanted her to feel heard about any feelings or thoughts she had. From a very young age she was curious about her birth family. We always said we would help her search one when she was old enough and if she chose to search.
It was a decision she brought to us a few weeks after her 18th birthday. She said she felt like it would always be a regret if she didn’t try. So we did our very best to help her do a biological parent search. But over a year of searching later and we found nobody. Not a biological relative through any of the online dna places and not anyone based on the name her birth mother gave, which could be fake. This was difficult for her and a few weeks ago she told us she feels like they don’t want to be found. We comforted her and made sure she knew if she wanted to keep searching we would continue supporting her.
Our families were always aware of the search but apparently my brother had a problem with this that he decided to bring up in a way that shamed my daughter for searching. First time his question took on an accusatory tone I told him to watch what he was saying but then he said something incredibly judgmental and as a way to shame her, asking why she cared so little for us when we’re the ones who wanted her and raised her. I told my brother that is not how he talks to either of my children and he better apologize because there is nothing wrong with wanting to know your biological parents or relatives and how dare he make it seem like there is. I told him I didn’t care if he was my older brother, he was being an asshole. He tried to use my son, who is younger than my daughter, as “proof” that my daughter is wrong because he has never expressed any interest or curiosity in his biological parents. I became very angry and told him it was enough and he needed to stop or he would be dealing with the consequences.
He told me I had no right to talk to him so forcefully or to interfere because my daughter is an adult now.
AITA?