Oh, what twisted webs we weave when first we practice to eavesdrop and then decide to leave! Picture this: A tale ripped right from the pages of a modern Shakespearean drama, featuring our protagonist, the heartbroken hero, and his fair but far-from-kind Juliet, hidden within the folds of a Reddit thread from a real person with a real heartache. Dive in, my spicy spectators, as we dissect the saga of a love scorned not by infidelity, not by distance, but by a comment so petty it rivals the trials of Helen of Troy. This, dear friends, is the story of whether our dear narrator was justified in dropping the love guillotine over a dig from days yore. Buckle up, it’s going to be a bumpy ride through the tunnel of love and out the other side of sanity, as we embark on the heart-tugging journey aptly titled, ‘AITAH for telling my girlfriend I deserve better than her because of a comment she made 7 years ago?’ Grab your popcorn, and let’s get judging.
Our story begins with our protagonist, a gallant knight in the shimmering armor of youth, at a party—a scene set for merriment turned awry. Amidst the revelry, he overhears his then-crush-now-ex, Jessie, and her court jesters jesting crudely about their comrades in arms, deciding the quantity of tequila it would take to bed them. When our hero’s name surfaces, Jessie’s agreement to a distasteful quip cuts deeper than Excalibur’s edge. A wound was borne—a silent battle cry for self-improvement and dignity.
Fast forward through the montage of transformation, spearheaded by the unsung heroine of our tale, the sister—fairy godmother meets personal trainer. Our knight emerges from the cocoon of self-pity and pizza boxes, reborn, refashioned, and resplendent. Romance blooms anew under the forgiving skies of post-graduation, with Jessie, the previously thoughtless jestress, now the bearer of his heart. All seems well, the past buried beneath layers of newfound love and affection, or so it seems.
But behold! The ghost of tequila shots past haunts our hero’s soul, gnawing at the foundations of their love like a termite with a wood fetish. In a twist of fate, a confessional to his sister reveals the venomous root of his unrest—Jessie’s cruel laughter still echoing through the halls of his heart. With vigor renewed and clarity bestowed by his kin, our hero confronts his love, decreeing he deserves better, a partner who would not besmirch his honor over shots of liquid courage.
Jessie is cast out from the kingdom of his heart, tearful apologies trailing in her wake, leaving our protagonist to ponder the morality of his decision. Was he the villain in his own tale, or did justice reign supreme in the land of the brokenhearted?
Now, dear readers, lend me your ears (or eyes, as fate would have it) as Roger’s Hot Take sizzles forth from the flames of wisdom: Our gentle narrator was no villain, but neither was he a saint. In love and war, timing is but everything, and timing, my friends, was sorely mismanaged here. While the pain of jests made in jest might sting, the true test of love is not whether one can avoid ever causing pain, but rather, whether one can grow, forgive, and heal from the wounds of words gone by. Our protagonist chose to let a scar dictate his future, dismissing the beauty of redemption and the complexity of human folly.
To toss aside a love nurtured over years for a wound of the past, neither confronted nor forgiven until the eleventh hour, seems a tragedy greater than the sum of its parts. While one must never settle for less than respect, one must also ponder if a moment of carelessness deserves the death sentence of a bond built with time.
In the court of Roger’s opinion, both parties erred, but only one chose to end the game before seeking the salve of understanding. So, to answer the question, was he an AH? Not entirely, but perhaps, my dear, he was more a fool than a hero, a man who let the past poison a future that might have been distilled into something far sweeter than tequila.
And thus concludes our morality play for the digital age. Remember, lovers and fighters, to choose your battles—and your beverages—wisely, lest you end up a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
Original story
I (26M) was in a relationship with my ex girlfriend Jessie (26F) for 4 years. We were really close friends from childhood, and she was my best friend. We started dating after college.
During my college years, I used to go to parties frequently to have a good time. During one such party, I saw Jessie in a room with her friends, and I wanted to catch up with her. The room was all girls, so I waited outside and stayed out of sight. However, what was said in the room that night stung me a lot, and it hurt me really badly for a very long time.
The topic of discussion was how many shots of tequila they’d take to sleep with a person. They were going through all boys in our friend group, and I was nervous about what Jessie would say when my name came up because I had wanted to ask her out so many times before but never got the courage to do so. Well when my name came up, a girl from my friend group joked that she would have to drink till she got alcohol poisoning to sleep with me, and Jessie laughed at that and agreed, and everyone laughed and them moved on to the next name. That was a massive gut punch, I felt horrible, and I quietly left the party.
I had never dated anyone in my life at that point and that comment gave me a reality check because it just meant no one found me attractive. I felt horrible and the next few months I was struggling a lot. When I had gone home that Christmas break, I told my sister everything because I had no one else to tell to and it was horribly embarrassing. My sister and I were never that close before, but when I told my sister about the comment and how it made me feel, she cried. I did not tell my sister about Jessie being in the group.
Over the next year, my sister helped me become better groomed. Individually, I focused on fitness and a clean diet, but my sister taught me all the little things I never realized I was lacking or doing wrong. Things like maintaining clean facial hair and head fair, keeping fingernails and toenails clean, wearing well fitted clothes, smelling good, and a bunch of other small things. Even at home, she started teaching me how to live a clean lifestyle. My sister helped me pick a hairstyle which suited me, and also gave me a dress sense. I also started joining some student clubs at college which interested me, and I kept myself busy.
By the end of the year, I had lost some weight and become more physically fit, but also my outlook towards life had changed, and I felt fresher, cleaner, and more motivated. I started dating a girl who met at one of the student clubs. We dated for a few months, and it was fun. We had a mutual break up after graduation because we would move different states for our jobs. It was my first time dating someone, and it was a really good experience. But I also had a lot of other things going on my life, so the break up didn’t hurt too much, and dating wasn’t on the top of my priorities anymore.
All these years, Jessie and I were still friends and I had repressed my hurt feelings. We surprisingly started dating a year after graduation. She indirectly asked me out when she kissed me when we were hanging out and watching a movie.
However, as we started developing feelings for each other over months and years, my repressed feelings started coming to the surface. We dated for 4 years, and we were seriously in love and also talking about marriage, but I was also extremely sad and confused at the same time because of how degraded and horrible I felt many years ago. I was feeling really scared, sad, but also deep in love, I genuinely loved Jessie.
I could not hold my feelings in any longer, and last month, I confessed to my sister all my feelings. I told her that Jessie was in the friend group that made that “alcohol poisoning” comment many years ago, and that Jessie had also agreed and laughed along with the comment. My sister was shocked, and we had a serious discussion for a few hours, where my sister told me I deserved much better than Jessie, and that I deserved someone who respected me, and it was really shameful of Jessie to be my close friend and then also laugh along with that disgustingly crass comment.
My sister opened my eyes, and finally gave me clarity on the confused feelings I was feeling for years. The next day, I spoke with Jessie and told her I was not emotionally fulfilled in the relationship, and I no longer wanted to be with her. I told her I deserved better than her, I deserved someone who loved me and respected me as person, and I no longer wanted her as a friend either. I then finally told her about “alcohol poisoning” comment from years ago, and how that had destroyed my mental health for months. Jessie was crying and was genuinely apologetic about it, and I accepted her apology. But I told her I didn’t want to be with her anymore, and I gave her a week to move out.
Jessie has now moved out, and while I am very sad about the relationship ending and also about breaking Jessie’s heart because she was really serious about building a life with me, I also feel a bit of relief, and that bullet in my heart seems to finally be gone, and I no longer feel that hurt from the “alcohol poisoning” comment many years ago.
Was I an AH for breaking up with Jessie?