Hello, beautiful people! Your favorite sass-master, Roger, here, diving deep into the murky waters of love, exes, and those nagging feelings of being the runner-up in your own love story. Today, I’ve stumbled upon a real doozy of a Reddit story that had me reach for my oversized wine glass and say, ‘Honey, we need to talk.’ So, buckle up, buttercups, because we’re dissecting this hot mess express with all the precision of a drunk surgeon at a B-list celebrity’s nose job. And yes, this is a story about real people, with real feelings, straight from Reddit’s heartbreak hotel. Let’s get into it, shall we?
Our protagonist, a 29-year-old female wonder, finds herself entangled in a web of doubt, self-esteem issues, and boyfriend baggage so heavy, even a team of airport handlers couldn’t lift it. She’s in love with Mr. Wonderful (31M), who on paper, sounds like he ticks all the boxes – kind, funny, intelligent, calm, resourceful, handsome. I mean, we’re talking total catch territory… if you can overlook his incessant mentions of his ex. Oh yes, there’s always a ‘but,’ isn’t there?
From ‘she was the best thing to happen to me until, of course, you’ to intimate comparisons and rejected date ideas because they were meant for the ex, Mr. Wonderful is serving up emotional leftovers nobody ordered. My dear readers, if you’re cringing, you’re not alone. I almost spilled my wine. Almost.
Let’s address the Christmas TikTok deletion debacle, shall we? The poor girl catches him red-handed, erasing memories of date ideas meant for his ex, and he has the audacity to give her the ‘they’re probably shut down because of COVID’ line before admitting the truth. And then, the cherry on top of this dysfunctional sundae, he openly wonders if she wouldn’t pine for an ex upon spotting them out. Spoiler alert: she wouldn’t, because when you’re into someone, your ex becomes as relevant as last season’s fashion to Anna Wintour.
But here comes the twist – our girl is pregnant and hormonal, leaving her to wonder if she’s just reading too much into this soap opera script of a relationship. My take? Hormones or not, if your partner’s nostalgia trips make you feel like you’re competing with a ghost, it’s time for a reality check, not a séance.
How to confront Mr. Trip-Down-Ex-Lane? Well, darling, start with honesty. Tell him how these constant references to his ex make you feel like the understudy in your own relationship. Ask for openness and reassure him that you’re not trying to erase his past, but you don’t want to live in it, either. Communication isn’t just key; it’s the whole darn locksmith.
**Roger’s Hot Take**: Nobody deserves to feel like the silver medal in their love life. If Mr. Wonderful can’t leave his ex in the past, maybe it’s time to show him your future doesn’t include being anyone’s second choice. Remember, it’s better to be single and fabulous than paired up and miserable. You’re the leading lady of your life story – never settle for a supporting role.
So, as we circle back to our wine glasses, recounting tales of love, loss, and the occasional rebound, let us remember that self-worth should never be measured by someone else’s inability to move on. And if Mr. Wonderful doesn’t get his act together, well, let’s just say there are plenty of scripts in Hollywood waiting for a star like you. Cheers to that, my loves!
Original story
How do i address this issue that’s decimating my self esteem?
TL;DR: some comments that have been made about his ex have me feeling like my boyfriend is settling for me and it’s killing my self esteem. I’m not sure how to address this with him to have a productive discussion.
29F in relationship with 31M lost on what to do. I love my boyfriend. He’s kind, funny, intelligent, calm, resourceful, handsome. I mean, the list goes on and on.
Here’s my issue: he’s made a few comments about an ex that have become this ball of dread within me.
To start, i have a child from a prior relationship and while talking about my ex in early dating, he brought up his. He said “she was the best thing to ever happen to me.” Then added “until now, of course.” Okay, i brushed it off. It’s been a few years since they broke up in 2021.
Then, i initially had lied about my body count and when i came clean he said “i figured because my ex had that number and you guys are way different at giving head”.
Everytime he brings up a story that involves her, he mentions her. When he doesn’t necessarily need to. Instead of being like, oh yea i was at that restaurant it’s okay. He’ll say, my ex and i have been there a lot. (Not verbatim how it goes but this is only one of the mild things.)
Around Christmas he was showing me old tik toks he’d saved to his phone, lots of them of cool restaurants and date ideas near us. He quickly started deleting the date idea ones, and when i asked why initially he said, “they’re probably shut down because of covid” and then said “well really, they were places i wanted to take my ex.” I got super upset and we had a convo that ended with him saying “if we went out and each saw an ex on their own date, you wouldn’t think, ‘damn i wished that worked out?’” And he didn’t believe me when i said no, and then said that it was “the fantasy of having a family” that he wished had worked out, not necessarily with the ex. It felt like backpedaling to me but i decided to believe him.
Now here’s where things get juicy, and to avoid TMI/ my own further humiliation I’m just going to leave it at, i know more about his ex’s anatomy than i wished. Now im super insecure about myself and he keeps telling me he doesn’t have feelings for her.
Here’s my thing: it’s not that he might still have feelings for her, i just don’t think he truly has feelings for me. I think he wants his fantasy and it didn’t work out with his ex and now he’s “settling” for me. My self esteem has been absolutely null. Everything seems so hard.
But I’m also pregnant and hormonal and i cannot tell if im just going overboard. I know we need to talk about this, but im not sure how to make it productive. How do i approach this issue? Like specifically, what can i ask/ say?